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Original poster

Worried my husband’s aggression will lose us our rental.

128 replies

OrchidPetalsFalling · 10/11/2021 13:56

Sorry if this should be in a legal section.

My husband has been having a hard time and has been drinking late at night and has made a lot of noise plus damaged some property. He’s good at fixing stuff so has sorted out damage he causes but our land lord let himself in the other day and must have noticed one of the kitchen doors was on the floor! He didn’t mention it but this combined with our neighbours threatening to complain to our landlords about shouting and banging noise late at night is making me fear we’ll be evicted. I love where we live and mentally at the moment don’t feel in a position to go through any changes. I’m going through some bad anxiety issues at the moment.

Obviously written down he sounds unhinged but he’s been on medication that has made him very aggressive. He’s not violent to us just to be clear and he’s making a real effort not to drink excessively at the moment.

Where do I stand if the worst happens?

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 10/11/2021 14:21

He should move out until his medical condition is resolved. How long will he be on this medication that has made him very aggressive.

If he doesnt, you will probably be evicted. Your landlord deserves not to have his stuff smashed up, your neighbours deserve peace in their own homes and so do you @OrchidPetalsFalling.Flowers

MMMarmite · 10/11/2021 14:21

Do you have children? If so, you need to live separately from him until he learns to control his anger. If you have no kids, it's your own choice (though I wouldn't recommend living with him), but no kid should have to live in a house with a shouting, violent adult - it can cause long term mental health problems.

Original poster
OrchidPetalsFalling · 10/11/2021 14:22

The landlord likes him. He’s actually a very likeable man. At present our landlords don’t know anything and didn’t mention the kitchen cupboard door although he’s have seen it. Our neighbours have complained directly to me but threatened further action if it keeps happening. He’s been making a big effort to not make noise at night since then.

What I want to avoid is all the pieces coming together and resulting in us having to leave.

OP posts:
TillyDevon · 10/11/2021 14:22

This is a lesser issue here but I agree strongly the landlord needs to give 24 hour notice and have permission from you to visit - and permission without you there if you are happy with this but it sounds extremely intrusive and against the law I imagine the way you weren’t expecting him.

Clymene · 10/11/2021 14:22

I hope your neighbours also call social services

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 10/11/2021 14:24

If you'd like to stay there, you need to get rid of the husband and appeal to the landlord.

Repeating this bit as OP you seem (understandably) to want to focus more on the practicalities than on the abuse/wider relationship issue.

Landlord will probably want to evict your husband soon enough because he's a volatile nuisance. Keeping the house and losing the husband sounds like a good plan for you.

Piglet208 · 10/11/2021 14:25

You want a simple answer regarding eviction? Your landlord can evict for damage to his property and any complaints regarding noise and aggression will make this easier for him. By allowing this situation to continue you are putting your family home at risk. It's not surprising you are dealing with anxiety. Your dh's excessive drinking and violence need to be dealt with immediately. Tell him he needs to make an appointment with his GP immediately. Offering to fix damage is not going to help you keep a roof over your head.

dreamingbohemian · 10/11/2021 14:27

Dropping a glass on the floor while drunk is an 'accident'

Ripping a cabinet door off its hinges is violent, it doesn't matter if he fixes it later

He needs to stop 'trying to drink less' and actually stop drinking. Otherwise yes there will be consequences and deservedly so

JorisBonson · 10/11/2021 14:29

I really can't believe you think the housing situation is the issue.

BrilliantBetty · 10/11/2021 14:29

Yes as a LL I would want to evict you and would start the process.
However, I would not evict you if you approached me first and told me you wanted to stay with the children WITHOUT violent partner. And gave me evidence as to how you would afford the rent (benefit + wages, savings etc).

But he would have to go, no question.
I don't want complaining neighbours or damage to my property and it's not a problem finding new tenants.

Original poster
OrchidPetalsFalling · 10/11/2021 14:31

Obviously there are other issues but I’m not asking strangers on the internet to help with that when they tend to caricature a troubled man into a ‘violent monster’.

OP posts:
Wtfdoipick · 10/11/2021 14:32

He is a violent monster. Ripping doors off is violent.

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2021 14:33

@OrchidPetalsFalling

Obviously there are other issues but I’m not asking strangers on the internet to help with that when they tend to caricature a troubled man into a ‘violent monster’.
Oh please. Do you think it's possible that these 'strangers' might have been in your position, come out the other side, and are sharing their wisdom with you? You're being astoundingly naive, and putting your home in jeopardy being 'kind'.

He has proven he has control outside of the home. He's choosing to break these things.

MondayYogurt · 10/11/2021 14:33

Suggest you start looking for somewhere else to live, because it is very unlikely you will be able to convince landlord and neighbours that this behaviour won't continue.
The market for rentals in many places is extremely competitive (as told to me directly by agents this week) and the landlord could potentially get more money for a quiet tenant.

You can: fix everything and move before you are kicked out but with a neutral reference, wait to get kicked out and then have trouble with references for next place, or read up on abusive behaviour and separate yourself from this angry and uncontrolled man.

You could live the rest of your life without fear.

Clymene · 10/11/2021 14:35

I have no time for women who put cock before their kids.

TooBigForMyBoots · 10/11/2021 14:38

What I want to avoid is all the pieces coming together and resulting in us having to leave.

Then it can never happen again. The problem is your DH can't control it so he needs to move out until he is better. Or you're going to be evicted.

GertrudeBElion · 10/11/2021 14:39

What I want to avoid is all the pieces coming together and resulting in us having to leave

Then make it clear that the destructive behaviour has to stop with immediate effect, never mind making 'an effort'. Do you not feel bad for your neighbours? It's so anti social of him

thedaythemusicdied · 10/11/2021 14:41

@BrilliantBetty

Yes as a LL I would want to evict you and would start the process. However, I would not evict you if you approached me first and told me you wanted to stay with the children WITHOUT violent partner. And gave me evidence as to how you would afford the rent (benefit + wages, savings etc).

But he would have to go, no question.
I don't want complaining neighbours or damage to my property and it's not a problem finding new tenants.

I can imagine some landlords wouldn't want the op to stay even if he left because he's proved he's an aggressive man who loses his shit late at night and might turn up to try and rip a few doors off.
PinkStink · 10/11/2021 14:42

I had a violent neighbour. I heard him smashing stuff up and shouting at his girlfriend because he was 'hungry'. It was grim.

I called the police a few times and my DH went round once.

We were pissed off he was disturbing the peace but more worried that he was living with a pregnant girlfriend.

Was very pleased when they left.

Franklyfrost · 10/11/2021 14:46

Your partner is violent. To the extent that people don’t want to be around him or even live near him. Sure, there are other parts to him too and he wants to change but you accepting his aggressive behaviour isn’t a sign of your special bond, it’s a sign that you aren’t looking after yourself. We all deserve not to live in fear of violence.

lastqueenofscotland · 10/11/2021 15:51

@Clymene

I have no time for women who put cock before their kids.
Crude way of putting it but yep. Agree with this.
BrilliantBetty · 10/11/2021 17:46

Obviously there are other issues but I’m not asking strangers on the internet to help with that when they tend to caricature a troubled man into a ‘violent monster’.

Rather than MNters over reacting it sounds like OP is minimising.

Inthesameboatatmo · 10/11/2021 17:56

I'd be more worried about neighbours calling the police and if children in the house a social services referral if I were you op.
The landlord is the least of your worries.

OakPine · 10/11/2021 18:20

You don't have a house or a landlord issue.

You have a self-esteem issue that is allowing you to stay with, and minimise the actions of a violent man.

Hopefully you will realise before it escalates.

TravisFountain · 10/11/2021 18:47

OP, you asked Where do I stand if the worst happens? - the worst being your husband's aggressive behaviour getting you evicted.

This is what posters are attemtping to answer.

I don't really know what else you want from the thread? Do you want to know if the Council will house you? Then ask that. My experience in my city is that the Council would have a statutory duty to your children, and to you if you disclosed abuse, and you would receive emergency accommodation.

If your husband's behaviour causes you all to be homeless, his housing situation would be very precarious, unless he starts declaring asap to the appropriate Council team that he has severe mental health and control issues around the children. And this means an assessment of the family's needs. How helpful is his GP? Do you have any statutory support from health, social care, etc?

I'm afraid that no-one's got a magic wand for this.