Mum's moving- Hoarder alert

[Scantilydoesit]

My mum has a large 4 bed house in a smallish town in Somerset.
She's lived there about 15 years and stayed after my dad died.
Both of them were (mum is) awful hoarders.
Her house is rammed top to bottom with stuff.
She's75 and doesn't have good sight and I'm absolutely dreading having to help (it will be me as the others live a long way away).
Her house is also very dirty and dusty. She cooks all the time but never cleans and there are splashes of stuff over the kitchen that have been there forever. Crumbs are all over the floor every time I visit and I just find it incredibly depressing.
I try to clean when I go, only for it to return to it's previous state in about 2 hours after she's cooked again.
However, If I dare mention anything, she goes on the defensive. My sister has totally given up and hardly goes to see her because of this.

She will not throw anything away, nor will she have anyone in to help her.
I casually mentioned today that she might look at storage options while selling the house.
Her reply was that no way, she can't afford that and people want to see a homely home!
I suggested she maybe put away some books and ornaments but again that was a no and so I left it.
The decor is all very old fashioned with homemade heavy curtains everywhere, reds, greens, yellows ....and all sorts of odd bits of non matching furniture.

So, how do you think the house will sell?
Will people see past it?
I know it's awful but I'm hoping they don't and I can't bear the thought of it all.

My own house had awful colours too but I saw past it . However, it was clean with minimal furniture when we viewed. Personally, I could never buy up something like my mum's as I'd not know what wa hiding under the fridge. (there is no way she doesn't have mice and when I have to stay there I lie awake all night listening for them!!).

She honestly won’t be able to move on her own. She will put it all on you and blame you when it doesn’t work.

Moonstone, I sneaked in a huge packet of anti bac wipes with me last time and she saw them and asked 'what do you need those for?!'

@Scantilydoesit

Moonstone, I sneaked in a huge packet of anti bac wipes with me last time and she saw them and asked 'what do you need those for?!'

The only answer (even if you have to summon the courage from the depths of wherever) is "To clean your house mum. Your house is not clean so I'm bringing wipes with me to clean as I go then I throw out the wipes. You gave out to me the last time when I threw out a tea towel of yours that was dirty, well, you can't give out to me for this as they are mine, I paid for them and I'll use them as and where I see fit and throw out as many as I want or need to." and then close down that conversation.

Just be prepared for her to fight you all the way when you come to clean/remove. Hoarders are very possessive o we their hoard, it won't be an easy process for either of you. Hoarding often comes from a place of trauma/loss snd often people find comfort/control in keeping things as they start to feel an emotional connection to them or the need of keeping it for the future just in case. Good luck with it op xx

I really feel for you .

My aunt and uncle had to go into a care home and they were hoarders . In the end I had to get house clearance in which costs a fortune and it was upsetting as well .

Then recently my parents moved to an assisted care property close to us and it was not all their fault because they do have health problems but the mess and clutter was overwhelming. We literally had to check everywhere to try and take what they needed and again get house clearance in . I honestly did not have the time to cope with it and the house was rented so had to be handed back . It’s horrible .

I am sorry but you must put your foot down and say you don’t have the time to help and if she does not start getting rid of things it will cost her more in the long run because she will get less for the house and have to possibly pay for clearance for items she won’t have room for and a lot of it won’t be needed if she is downsizing .

I know it’s hard but it’s not your responsibility . Storage or charity donations will cost her a lot less than house clearance and removals for moving excess furniture .

It’s emotionally draining for you as well and hard physical work sorting out years of rubbish .

The fire service visited my uncles house and said it was unsafe . They just filed the letter .

@Scantilydoesit

Agents here would not let us look until we had an offer on our house .

Just tell her no .

She needs an offer on hers to know her budget and hopefully the agents will give her feedback on the house .

You need the rest of your family behind you on this .
So that you are all saying the same thing .

If she does not want to get rid of stuff , that’s easy she pays for removals and professional cleaners . Her house ,her problem .

Depending how bad it is I doubt an EA would allow anyone to visit due to H&S - so it might be sold as “unseen” - so cash buyers only if surveyor can’t visit and would substantially reduce the asking price.

@Scantilydoesit. Any comments from EA yet ?

@Scantilydoesit

My mum has a large 4 bed house in a smallish town in Somerset. She's lived there about 15 years and stayed after my dad died. Both of them were (mum is) awful hoarders. Her house is rammed top to bottom with stuff. She's75 and doesn't have good sight and I'm absolutely dreading having to help (it will be me as the others live a long way away). Her house is also very dirty and dusty. She cooks all the time but never cleans and there are splashes of stuff over the kitchen that have been there forever. Crumbs are all over the floor every time I visit and I just find it incredibly depressing. I try to clean when I go, only for it to return to it's previous state in about 2 hours after she's cooked again. However, If I dare mention anything, she goes on the defensive. My sister has totally given up and hardly goes to see her because of this.

She will not throw anything away, nor will she have anyone in to help her.
I casually mentioned today that she might look at storage options while selling the house.
Her reply was that no way, she can't afford that and people want to see a homely home!
I suggested she maybe put away some books and ornaments but again that was a no and so I left it.
The decor is all very old fashioned with homemade heavy curtains everywhere, reds, greens, yellows ....and all sorts of odd bits of non matching furniture.

So, how do you think the house will sell?
Will people see past it?
I know it's awful but I'm hoping they don't and I can't bear the thought of it all.

My own house had awful colours too but I saw past it . However, it was clean with minimal furniture when we viewed. Personally, I could never buy up something like my mum's as I'd not know what wa hiding under the fridge. (there is no way she doesn't have mice and when I have to stay there I lie awake all night listening for them!!).

I was just wondering how you are doing OP?

Maybe the thought of her having to pack the whole house alone without any help will change her mind. Tell her she can sort it herself.

This is so sad. I agree with PPs who said she will never change, and I can also see why some said the move will never happen.
(Although I hope I, and they, are wrong.)
I wonder if the DM just moved in with the OP. If so I feel desperately sorry for her and if that's why she stopped posting.
I had a similar problem (not as bad) with my own DM who developed alzheimers (one sign was we had the same conversation every single day. She had nothing to talk about. Even though she went out she didn't remember. )
My mum became ill, went into hospital and never came home again , she went straight into a nursing home. We did the house up and sold it to pay her fees.