Made wrong move out of London. Help me get it right second time...

[backtothegrindstone]

The title says it all really. We moved out of London nearly 2 years ago to Dorking in Surrey. Its a pretty nice town, but we realised fairly quickly that it just wasn't the right fit for us, and after a lot of soul searching, we've decided that we'd like to move again whilst the kids are still young enough to get over it, with the aim of finding somewhere we can call home for good. There's nothing massively wrong with Dorking, but neither of us can imagine spending the rest of our lives here. There's just too many small elements missing and when you add them all together it makes one big reason not to stay. But I'm terrified of moving again and making the same mistake again. And there are just so many places we could go that I just don't know where to start. I'm hoping people could give me some ideas for places that might be a good fit for us, so I can start looking again?

We were really happy in London as we had a good circle of friends and a nice house, but we didn't really go into central London anymore and spent more and more time in our local neighbourhood. As more and more of our friends started to move out we had less and less reasons to stay and wanted a less hectic lifestyle for our boys. Now we've left, we are fairly sure we don't want to move back to London, but the move out has made us realise that there are a few 'city' things we can't live without that we're just not finding in Dorking. I'm hoping we can find at least most of them somewhere a bit greener and cleaner than London.

So negatives about Dorking for us have been that it's just a little too 'countrysidey' for us. We don't ride horses or have a dog or go mountain biking and we don't really feel like we quite fit in here. We've found the high street just a bit lacking in nice clothes shops and restaurants (especially non-chain restaurants, ideally ones that do brunch!), and it feels like a lot of stuff has closed down even in the 2 years we've been here. We've also really struggled to find a suitable house to buy here (we're looking for a 4+ bedroom detached period house with a decent sized garden within walking distance of the mainline station).

Ideally we're looking to move to a reasonably pretty and leafy 'commuter' town within an hour commute of London (preferably from a station with a minimum of 2 trains an hour) where you don't have to drive to do everyday stuff. Essentials include a supermarket, some decent cafes for brunch and lunch, some nice family friendly pubs, a private gym with a pool nearby, maybe a few decent boutiques and some facilities for kids like parks, playgrounds etc. Oh, and decent schools are a must. Other awesome bonuses would be access to Uber, a reasonable selection of takeaways, some decent bars/pubs and maybe a cinema.

Our house budget is reasonably health, and we're happy to go back within the M25 as long as it still feels green and leafy.

Am I asking the impossible?

Blimey that's a beaut! I'm taking DH for a drive.... we'd be nearly mortgage free there!!

I think you'd find Claygate tiny. Pretty for sure, but tiny.

@goldpendant Have a jaunt out to Folkestone. We bought fixer upper similar to this www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-61677924.html for a song, paid off mortgage and have a fantastic quality of life. Yes, getting into London is a bit pricey now (DH still commutes), but we actually hardly ever want to these days as there is so much to do down here plus the amazing lifestyle for us and the kids more than makes up for it.

In Claygate the parade has a fishmonger, butcher, bakery, cupcake shop/bakery, fruit and veg shop as well as two pharmacies, coffee shop, a travel agent, two estate agents, dry cleaner, a couple of charity shops, Indian restaurant, Chinese restaurant, interiors shop, two florists, multiple hairdressers and some others like ceramic painting, tile shop, bathroom shop and kitchen shop etc. Free parking at the weekend at the station and so easy to grab anything you need day to day but if you need more you have Esher with Waitrose (5 mins), Surbiton with Waitrose/Sainsburys (10 mins) and Kingston with EVERYTHING (15/20 in traffic). It's small but also has a few pubs and a really lovely community but with all the added extras! Definitely come have a look. I used to be in Surbiton and before that central London and this feels like a world away compare to Surbion and London!

Yes there is a certain amount of plane noise in Teddington, I guess that would be a problem for the OP.

Goldpendant much more for your money in Horsham, Teddington is pretty expensive.

That house in Horsham is gorgeous (if a bit short of sq footage). And the garden looks really big.

@girlfromsurrey Claygate sounds interesting.

We moved out on the central line. Good schools. It feels a world away from zone 3, so I don't think you should discount it. It's Essex not London! Epping is very nice. Really accessible to get to proper countryside/ NT places at weekends or day trips to beach. A bit further out is Sawbridgeworth, Bishops Stortford. Personally, I just don't like Surrey.

This is a great thread! I might have to start one myself. It just shows you really need to know the feel of a place not just the - yup it's got shops, gym, schools etc. I'm also not a fan of Surrey - I don't really know why - but how do you find these things out before you live there? Good luck OP hope you find somewhere that suits you better. I struggle with the guilt and scariness of moving is and kids away on the risk that we'll still feel not quite right somewhere else. I also have added guilt that I do miss London - that buzzy feel really - but I don't know what living back in London would be like with kids. Anyway you are not alone in making an incorrect decision of location move and wish you all the best!

I just wanted to say a huge thank to everyone for helping me with this, and also just for the moral support. It’s been amazing and so helpful!

@merrymarigold sorry if this sounds snobby just how are you liking the people in Essex? Guess I’ve been a bit tainted by seeing TOWIE. Do you meet likeminded mums? I have visions of everyone being all lip fillered and acrylic nailed

What about going West? Denham? The Chalfonts?

Problem is it can think of lots of towns with love cafe culture and a theatre , and lots of places with a fabulous semi-country feel, and lots of places with an easy train and drive into London. But I can’t think of anywhere that combines the three! (At least in the swathe from Dorking round to Beaconsfield).

you need to be in London I'm afraid. Like @msprint we moved out (to Brighton actually) and regretted it - no where is like London and did move back. My sister lived in Dorking for a while (after living in London) and disliked it, and ended up moving to Reigate. But still same issues I think. I can't think you'll get what you want in Tunbridge wells or anywhere. I had a friend who moved to Canterbury and regretted it for years, but put up wtih it because of the grammar schools

I don't regret moving back. I think London is one of the best cities in the world (I love it), and my kids are having such a good childhood and education here. They aren't growing up particularly quickly. I'm so glad I moved back and don't regret it at all.

I honestly don't think you'll find what you're looking for outside London.

sorry I meant @800msprint

I moved back with the children around 8 years ago now - I spent 5 years out of London. They've had their teenage years in London. (and I have 2 younger children who've only ever known London). Happy to tell you about it if you'd like to know more. Education (state) is better in the borough where I am, experiences, culture everything is better. No experiences with crime at all (touch wood).

@AnnaNimmity yes please! That would be great to hear about your experiences.

Essex is ok. There are the lip-fillered bits and then quite posh bits plus plenty of people moving out and (gasp!) even Black and Asian people these days. It's a good mix I think. It feels more down to earth than other parts of the commuter belt, but I do like to be able to pop to Aldi as well as Waitrose and feel like I have the best of all worlds where I am! I don't know what it is about Surrey which I don't get on with, it's just a bit too English middle class and boring for me. There is 'fake Essex', the nails and the Bentley convertibles, but it's just what it is, openly and honestly so. I'd rather that than be surrounded by people trying to be like Kate Middleton. From my experience, they are the minority anyway and you will always gravitate towards the people you get on with. There are some very pretty areas (try a day trip to Saffron Walden) and genuinely very old, beautiful houses...not that we have one! You can park for £6 per day and then get the tube or there are probably trains out from Liverpool Street, but not sure how fast/ expensive they are.

@AnnaNimity You know, I really REALLY don't want to live in London any more. We didn't leave for the schools (we had great schools and a lovely community where we lived before), we left because we'd had enough. We didn't hate London but we''d grown to really hate living there and just wanted out. The thought of going back makes me shudder. It just didn't fit our lifestyle or work any more. We both have to drive a lot (outside of London) for work and its was taking hours to get home from meetings because of the awful traffic. I hated not being able to park outside my own house. I hated the noise, the angry drivers, the angry people in general, the pollution was making mine and my son's asthma really bad, I hated the fly tipping and the rubbish on our street. We wanted more space and a slower pace. Nothing has changed. We don't dislike Dorking because its not London, it just feels a bit like the town is declining. I want more than Dorking has to offer but I think there are places that have that outside London. Really glad you've enjoyed moving back but its just not for me at the moment.

Ha ha, @MerryMarigold - its absolutely nothing like that round here! It's all hippies, cyclists, tree surgeons and farmers in Dorking. We have a Lidl. Its not that Surrey is too posh actually, its more that Dorking itself feels a little like its dying - so many shops closing down and nothing opening. I think Essex is probably a bit far from all our friends and family to be honest, who are mainly SW London, Surrey, Ox and Bucks etc so probably not a great fit. Sounds like you're loving it though!

Today I did another trip out visiting Oxted, Sevenoaks and Tunbridge Wells. My impressions from todays trip (to keep others who are looking updated):

Oxted is lovely, compact but well served with everything you could want (library, nice shops, sports centre, supermarket etc) and seems to have a great sense of community. Everything is in the centre and seem to be plenty of nice houses near the town and the station. Only criticisms are that its quite out in the middle of nothing and there isn't a big town all that close other than Croydon or Bromley perhaps which wouldn't be my top choices for somewhere to go shopping. Its a bit too far from Tunbridge wells and a bit too far from Guildford, and as its a bit too small to have everything we need that's a shame - I'd be really happy in a little town like Oxted if there was another great bigger town just down the road. Otherwise it looked pretty close to perfect.

Sevenoaks: nice looking town with plenty of good stuff and great fast trains to London. Nice and near Tunbridge Wells for shopping. Quite hilly and station down a massive hill from the shops. Might be hard to live within walking distance from both the shops and the station? (Not totally sure about that one). Was pouring down so didn't get to explore much. Will go back to see again.

Tunbridge Wells: Really great shopping and lots of nice stuff to do and places to eat etc. Would really love to live NEAR to somewhere like this but not in it. Overall it just felt way too big for what we want, which is a smaller town with a community feel where we can walk everywhere.

Anyway, all this looking is helping us to refine what it is we want. Have come to realise the Dorking is just about the right size for us- a mid size town with a train station and a good selection of shops but not somewhere as big as Guildford or Tunbridge Wells. We'd really like to have somewhere like that near to us though so we can go there for shopping but want to live somewhere more compact. Horsham would have been kind of ideal except the commute is just too long and too expensive. Such a shame as it's a lovely town. Will keep looking!

@backtothegrindstone there are some roads within reach of both Town and Train station in Sevenoaks - we are moving to one

With a but get of 1.2 mil I'd just live in London.

Are you sure I can't persuade you to move 'back in'? We're not London, but you know, 20 mins to Westfield on the train or driving. All museums/ shows etc. available for inset days and holiday entertainment. Central London as a possible meeting point for friends. But having said that, we only go in about 10x per year max even though dh is in most days. There's plenty of community/ local stuff, forest walks on your doorstep. Loughton, Theydon and Epping are the places to be!

Oh, and you will definitely get a driveway and not much traffic. Very well served for M25 if you need to drive for work.

@MerryMarigold sadly Essex in the wrong direction for us- family, friends and clients all round the other side really. And you just don’t get that with the leafiness so far in on this side of London unless you want to live near Croydon.

Thanks for updating us OP, really enjoying learning more about these places!

I do think you need to explore west. Windsor, Datchet, Marlow, Beaconsfield, Henley, Wargrave, Twyford, Earley etc.
This one in Marlow, I've a friend lives in similar, it's sizeable rooms and lovely garden, short walk to town/station. www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-62164890.html

What about Cranleigh? Have no idea if it ticks your ‘lifestyle’ boxes. Was suggested to us when we were looking to move out of London.

Cranleigh nice @closeibrarian, but no train station