Made wrong move out of London. Help me get it right second time...

[backtothegrindstone]

The title says it all really. We moved out of London nearly 2 years ago to Dorking in Surrey. Its a pretty nice town, but we realised fairly quickly that it just wasn't the right fit for us, and after a lot of soul searching, we've decided that we'd like to move again whilst the kids are still young enough to get over it, with the aim of finding somewhere we can call home for good. There's nothing massively wrong with Dorking, but neither of us can imagine spending the rest of our lives here. There's just too many small elements missing and when you add them all together it makes one big reason not to stay. But I'm terrified of moving again and making the same mistake again. And there are just so many places we could go that I just don't know where to start. I'm hoping people could give me some ideas for places that might be a good fit for us, so I can start looking again?

We were really happy in London as we had a good circle of friends and a nice house, but we didn't really go into central London anymore and spent more and more time in our local neighbourhood. As more and more of our friends started to move out we had less and less reasons to stay and wanted a less hectic lifestyle for our boys. Now we've left, we are fairly sure we don't want to move back to London, but the move out has made us realise that there are a few 'city' things we can't live without that we're just not finding in Dorking. I'm hoping we can find at least most of them somewhere a bit greener and cleaner than London.

So negatives about Dorking for us have been that it's just a little too 'countrysidey' for us. We don't ride horses or have a dog or go mountain biking and we don't really feel like we quite fit in here. We've found the high street just a bit lacking in nice clothes shops and restaurants (especially non-chain restaurants, ideally ones that do brunch!), and it feels like a lot of stuff has closed down even in the 2 years we've been here. We've also really struggled to find a suitable house to buy here (we're looking for a 4+ bedroom detached period house with a decent sized garden within walking distance of the mainline station).

Ideally we're looking to move to a reasonably pretty and leafy 'commuter' town within an hour commute of London (preferably from a station with a minimum of 2 trains an hour) where you don't have to drive to do everyday stuff. Essentials include a supermarket, some decent cafes for brunch and lunch, some nice family friendly pubs, a private gym with a pool nearby, maybe a few decent boutiques and some facilities for kids like parks, playgrounds etc. Oh, and decent schools are a must. Other awesome bonuses would be access to Uber, a reasonable selection of takeaways, some decent bars/pubs and maybe a cinema.

Our house budget is reasonably health, and we're happy to go back within the M25 as long as it still feels green and leafy.

Am I asking the impossible?

I don't know why someone discounted Lewes earlier in the thread?

Doesn't meet the within 1hr commute of London criteria.

Lovely though Lewes is!

I'm afraid its just too far for us - we also have to drive into London sometimes so it really is just too far. And the lack of houses with gardens is a real deal breaker. I'm also probably the only person in the world who hates Brighton, so being near Brighton isn't such a draw for me! Shame there isn't somewhere like Lewes nearer.

Given that you need the links to London, want to live around other professionals working in London etc, you should really consider zones 5 and 6. Many of these places were towns outside London till not that long ago and you would get what you're after.

From my house, I can walk to two zone 5 stations but grazing sheep and farm shops are also within walking distance. It's also easy to find a house with a big garden (say 150ft long and quite wide). My particular town centre is more Pound shops than boutiques but I'm sure there are other areas on the edge of London that would be just right for you.

@jem01 yes, it’s been very helpful in giving me a list of places to visit. Also it’s been a really useful exercise in what we don’t want- the more people said ‘move back to London’ the more I felt my resistance bristling up which made me absolutely sure I didn’t want to. And when people suggested places further afield or suggested us moving to another city, it made me realise that we really didn’t want that either. It’s really reassured me that a mid size commuter town in the m25 ring is perfect for us, and that it’s just a case of finding the right one. So all good! Started looking today- visited Kingston and Surbiton- both way way too much like London as it transpires. Would just feel like going back, not really any leafier than where we moved from and nothing like living in the country. Then went on to Esher and Cobham - only 10 minutes drive from Kingston but which I liked a LOT more and had a lot of what we’re looking for, if perhaps a little too small, though the fast trains and proximity to Kingston may mean that’s not such an issue. So it’s rather confirmed what I think I knew already which is that we really don’t want to be in London anymore. I already know Guildford pretty well and think it’s probably a little more urban than we’d like but will be looking at towns like Haslemere and Godalming near it. St Albans has really got me interested- sounds like everything we’re looking for and more. I’m sure there is somewhere that ticks enough boxes to be right for us out there!

Good luck OP! Sounds like you know what you want, it's just a case of finding it.

And good for you for not putting up with where you are if you're not happy. We moved out of London 4 years ago and didn't get it right first time. We're now in the process of moving - only 12 miles, but it'll be the world of difference from where we are now.

@jojoSM2 just wish I knew where those places are! @closetlibrarian good for you too and good luck with your move. Can I be nosy and ask where from and to?

St Albans might be a good fit for you but it’s the other side of London

Good restaurants. Shops are decent
Excellent schools. Some of the best in the country. Excellent train links to London.
Countryside within reach but not too countrified

Nowhere that fits your bill OP

If you do pick St Albans. Pick location regarding school extremely carefully. Tho with that budget you should be ok. Catchment areas are very tight in that area.

Catchment areas not a big issue @ as my kids already in school- finding schools with two places in years 1 and 3 more of an issue but they don’t enforce catchment area when you take ‘mid year’ places- we know as we’ve done this once already. For secondary we’d likely go private so not a big issue there either.

Sorry, that was for @madeyemoodysmum it removed my link to your name!

I was going to suggest cobham which you’ve already seen.... how about horses? ripley? Send? Shere? Did you have a look at thanes Ditton and East Molesey/Hampton whilst you were that way?

Horsell not horses

@Tunt Shere,'s a bit small for us, and no station or supermarket. Haven't checked out any of the other you mentioned, so will add to the list.

Another who thinks you should look at Cambridge. It is popular with people moving out of London. The streets off Hills Road would fit your requirements, probably one of the 1950s properties. You would be looking at the top of your budget though for a four bed, garden, off road parking and close to station. That particular area has a lot of restaurants and some good side streets to explore. Good schools and easy access to the M11. City centre is walkable, or get a bike, not a massive city centre, but not a bad range of clothes shops.

Personally I would avoid the newer build estates I.e Trumpington), they are bland with tiny gardens & somehow they are a similar price!

Glad you’re going to visit Haslemere and Godalming, OP. Lovely towns, expensive but in your budget and with lots of amenities. Also v short drive or train to Guildford for anything they don’t have and wonderful countryside all around.

Windsor = 2 x stations - one to Waterloo and the other to Paddington (via Slough - soon to be on crossrail)

Another vote here for Winchester - it's further in terms of miles but less than an hour to London and at least you can get a seat on the train! You'd get a lot of house for your budget, it's compact and has nice shops/cafes/restaurants, you can walk out into the countryside from the city along the river and the state schools are excellent. Ticks all your boxes.

I agree with the poster that suggested Bath. Not a bad commute, Bristol is close by (very popular with London expats). A city with all the things you'd be looking for.

Bath is lovely but definitely hard slog on daily commute to London.
Beaconsfield fits your description... I have friends who were die hard zone oners.. They love Beaconsfield.
Lots of people who sound like you... Like places to go out, brunch, talk about clothes.
My only issue is most of the mummies don't work, all identikit blonds with range rovers. Nannies, and they all wear active wear... A lot... They all very "busy"
My friend rather fits this stereo typing... There is a lot of keeping up with Jones.. But it may not bother you

Yes, think Bath is too far @Theredjellybean. From what you say, I’m not sure I’m quite in the right group to fit in in Beaconsfield to be honest. I’m definitely not a lady who lunches! Very much more a professional working mum. And I never wear sportswear

And I drive a qashqui

Did you drive through North Kingston? Closer to Richmond, not under flight path though, lots of excellent schools and lots of green areas and little independent shops.

I think it's just too "London" in Kingston @Chilver. Green space (ie parks) just isn't the same as being in the actual countryside. I just don't want that kind of pace of life anymore.

St Albans is great but parking is difficult so make sure any house is within easy walking distance of where you want to go.