Private schools - Are you all rich

[Whatsitreallylike]

Divisive I know, and not a popular MN thing to say (name changed), but I want to send my DD to a local private school.

Its 4-11 only, and is known to be a feeder school to the local grammar (nothing guaranteed of course) so I’d like to give it a shot. I know a lot of 11+ tutoring is also required etc.. and if unsuccessful DD will likely be going to local comp secondary if not grammar as nothing else really around (no private secondaries for some distance).

Heres the question, will my DD be bullied for not being ‘rich’.
We have a combined income of £170k pa and not huge outgoings so we’re comfortable, but we’re not rich. We live in a 3 bed semi, have a few investment properties but on the face of it we’re very average. We can afford the extra curricular, school trips, clothes etc… but wondered what average looks like at these schools and will she be faced with comments like ‘you have a small house’, ‘your mums car is 5 years old’ etc… I don’t want her to be an outsider and would rather her at the local state school if she’d be more comfortable there.

With it being a grammar ‘feeder’ I imagine many parents may be in a similar boat to us, comfortable but not flash, investing early in education and hoping for the best. If your kids go to a 4-11 independent school, could you please tell me if I’m right or wrong to be worried please?

You are rich. Anyone who can afford an extra £15-20k+ on school fees per child in reality is rich. I am comfortable and joint income around £90k but live in expensive area. I can't afford private for two

We earn about the same as you (assume your figure is gross) and have two in private. It is doable but you also have to factor in childcare around school , in the hols etc . For us it is no costly holidays, old cars, living in a semi but in our location and with one dc with additional needs we are willing to make that ‘sacrifice’.

Your household income is more than twice ours and we send our DC to a private school. You are completely blinded to your own privilege if you think you aren't rich. Your child will be fine.

My DC go to private school and I consider you to be very rich!

It's all relative my son has 3 friends in private school, 2 are not rich and they have to have less holidays, old cars etc one of them his Dad is a multi millionaire so it's a definite mix. There is also a boy in the same year at this school who is not rich or well-off but is on a full scholarship

Yeah cos the average person earns £170k and own a few properties. Twats like you really get on my tits!

She's more likely to be bullied cos her mum is an arsehole!

It’s going to depend on the school. Very unlikely to be an issue for primary.

BTW how is a private prep a “feeder” for a state grammar school? “Feeder school” means children are prioritised for admissions. I can’t imagine any state school has an admissions policy that states that private school applicants will be offered places ahead of state school applicants. Do you just mean “lots of kids from prep school go to the grammar”?

Yep you’ll be completely shamed for your meagre income and many pitiful investments at a prep school and state grammar.🙄

This may be an actual issue for some people, you’re not one of them. Don’t be a twat

I don't think you need worry, your DD will fit in just fine. Your DD will be on par with many other children and able to participate in a lot of school trips. My DP teaches at an independent school in a grammar school area, there are wealthy parents and not so wealthy. Our DD went to school there as do many other children of teachers and they fit in just fine. Don't worry, if your DD can afford to do everything then other children won't notice where you live or what you drive.

No one who sends their DCs to private school is rich.

They just care about their DCs education more then other people.

And shop at Aldi and drive a shit car.

😉

Some of the parents will 100% judge YOU!
But the kids not so much.

Saschka, the private school world the word feeder just tends to mean a lot of children from that prep school go to a particular secondary at 11 or 13 plus,. rather than some pre arranged scheme or agreement between schools. I expect people use the word in different ways. When choosing a private primary we usually looked at the "destinations of leavers" ie where most children went after eg to private schools where children are not very bright or the very academic ones

The big question that both my daughters notice. Is how many stanly water bottles their friends own / bring into school / what designs 🤣 when I first heard about them I thought a Stanley knife but oh no 😂 (we don’t have any Stanley water bottles in this house)

Omg you are richer than the vast majority I know in private schools!

Lots do it on half your income & just go without other non essentials.

I feel like I would be rich if I didn't have 3 kids at private school 😉

I don't think it's a silly question and yes 170k is a lot obviously much more than the average wage, but it's all relative and yes some in private schools (especially London) will be earning much more than that.

My little one has just joined an all through school in reception and the conspicuous wealth is more than I was expecting tbh, especially after reading lots of threads on here where people say lots of grandparents pay for fees etc, which made me think my initial idea of private schools wasn't right.

There are a lot of Porsches/land rovers/range rovers, I'm the only one I've seen driving a Ford. And holidays to India/Dubai are the norm. And this is in a relatively low key and relaxed private school.

BUT everyone has been really friendly. My little one is bright as a button and is doing really well. Rich doesn't always equal smart! Why shouldn't he benefit from the good teaching and facilities. Kids get bullied for all sorts anyway... I think it will be a long while before they start realising who earns what. Lots live in 'normal' type 3 bed semis etc.

Not until I moved to the UK that I had the pleasure of watching a ‘race to the bottom’ done so well.

The country is actively destroying one of the most important structures that are detrimental
for its future survival: education (both state and private simultaneously).
It is all done by the ideology of the divide and conquer. Lie to the poor and tell them it’s the rich who are responsible for the decline of your state schools, the poor vote to make private education more elitist and private schools start to shut down. The infrastructure around them start to breakdown, inflation rises.
Whilst the poor, still clapping , still hopeful, still waiting for the crumbs of bread that they have been promised to help fix their state schools, their patience is waning, but that doesn’t matter because someone said we can’t fix things in 6 months. The poor sods are waiting.
Thousands of children waiting on diagnoses. Many EHCPS are waiting to be granted. The 6500 wannabe teachers are waiting. Wannabe TAs are waiting. While the Pritt sticks are waiting to be bought.

I'm struggling but I had little choice. 2 years with my child suffering mental health issues, so had to bite the bullet. No places in state where I was for his year and I needed a smaller class for him. I'm a lone parent, earn above average but we are on beans on toast generally. Worth it because my child's mh has improved.

I hate all the "hate" on here for people like me with a kid in private...from people who have no idea about our lives....

If you think this thread (started months ago) is click bait, why have you taken the bait?

It's not humble bragging, it's literally answering the OPs Q. Why do you find it so hard to believe that a household income can be 200K? Just because that isn't your own experience you don't believe it exists?
Where I live it would be highly unusual but I am aware of huge wage discrepancies across UK and therefore can imagine 2 x professionals living in South could bring home a joint income of 200k. After tax it would be a lot less than you think.

I was quoted but the post was deleted before I saw it. If @ConstanceM finds it hard to believe that a household income can be £200k he/she will be even more surprised to hear that my household income is now more than £200k as both DH and I have had payrises. Like I said before, I live in the most expensive City to buy a house in the UK so it doesn’t go as far as one might think.