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Primary education

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Daughter had her hair cut at school by another pupil.

162 replies

Nicola1983 · 21/03/2010 01:33

Hi there,

Just wanted to get everyones opinion please. On Friday just past i was called over to my daughter class teacher at the end of the school dya to say that another pupil had taken a pair of scissors and cut her hair. I was shocked to say the least but i was told it wasnt all that noticable and that the child in question had had their privillage time taken off them. At this point i may piont out the children in question are 4 and 5 years old.

On further inspection when i got home i could see the extent of the damage and i could have cried. Its awful. My daughter has long hair and right at the back near the crown she now has a clump of hair that is no more that than 1 inch in length. Both she and i are devestated that another child could behave this way to another pupil.

My husband marched up to the school to speek to the headmaster about it and both the class teacher and he headmaster said they would put it in writing to us as to how they are going to deal with this but to be honest im still not happy.

Having spoken to my daughter and other children in the class they were all sitting on the carpet listening to another teacher and the little boy in question ot up, went and got a pair of scissors and just cut off a chunk of my little girls hair - fully intentionally. When i asked what happend to the boy my daughter and her friends told me the teacher told him that that wasnt a very kind thing to do and he was removed from the class to sit int hte quiet room until he could learn how to behave.

My other concearn is that only i was informed about the incident. The parent of the little boy in question were not told about this at all and were allowed to go home and carry on as normal. I have written a letter to his parents telling them what i think about it all and that i will be seeking further action. Had this been an older child within the school, without any question they would have been suspended.

I am now debating weather or not to send my child back to school now. I mean what next - he takes another pair of scissors and stabs her in the eye with them??????

Anyway - any advie or guidlines etc would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

Nicola

OP posts:
JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 21/03/2010 21:13

OP - don't worry. the hair will grow back. I thought at that age they just had safety scissors mind, and I didn't think they were sharp enough to slice through hair. So I can understand you wanting to know what they are going to do to stop that from happening again. Maybe they need to change the type of scissors they use?

It's honestly not the end of the world though. Easy to say when it's not my child that's been half scalped, I know but it will grow back.

Small children will do this sort of thing. I am sure no malice was intended.

Alouiseg · 21/03/2010 21:17

colabottles from what op has said we are not discussing sn behaviour but a regular school. I think op would have mentioned if there were other circumstances to consider.

Op is definitely not overreacting, imagine doing the sunday night hairwashing routine and trying to blow dry the little stumpy bits that the boy cut, you can bet that the little
git culprit will have forgotton about it long before the little girl is able to.

colabottles · 21/03/2010 21:19

Kitkatqueen, where's NFN? Never heard of it!

Sounds like we both have a sweet tooth too by our names lol!

It's irish but I now live in uk.

cat64 · 21/03/2010 21:22

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SoupDragon · 21/03/2010 21:26

Given that it's right at the back near the crown, I rather suspect the girl will forget very quickly unless a) she has eyes in the back of her head or b) her mother keep wailing about it.

Stop overreacting. It's HAIR. It GROWS BACK. He has not cut off a limb, blinded her, scarred her or written "princess" on her forehead with the point of a compass. He is 4 or 5 years old.

SoupDragon · 21/03/2010 21:28

Personally, I can't believe the OP quizzed other children in the class about the incident.

BooyhooNOTboohoooORbooyou · 21/03/2010 21:28

alouiseg the little girl will forget about it far more quickly if her parents stop behaving like it is the worst thing in the world ever to happen.

i bet she never would have known it was an issue if her mother hadn't over reacted quite so much.

Remotew · 21/03/2010 21:34

Has OP even been back to the thread?

FWIW, When mine was 4 I was busy unpacking after a holiday and her 2 little friends arrived to play. One got hold of some sissors I hadn't had time to put out of reach and they had a hairdressing session in my house. Cue very irrate mums knocking on my door blaming me, this all happened in a flash when I was on the phone.

One girl came off bad, one had a small chunk cut out and my dd had a snip. The sissor wielding girl's mum was a hairdresser. It happens. None of them have ever stabbed anyone in the eye since.

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/03/2010 21:41

I think the teacher handled this very well. She clearly knows a lot more about behaviour management than the OP. The boy was given a clear message that his actions were wrong and then he was forgiven. At 5 years old he would not know this was wrong yet. Now he does. It's called learning.

What further action do you want exactly?

btw, HAIR GROWS! Do you wrap her in bubble wrap and never let her out of the house too? If you continue to over-react like this, you will create and anxious and nervous child who thinks that the slightest thing is traumatic. It's not a nice thing to have to accept as a parent, but she will experience difficult, upsetting, annoying things in life and surely you want her to know how to deal with them in a calm way. Or would you like her to panic, march up to people, be demanding and rude and write threatening letters?

SoupDragon · 21/03/2010 21:44

No, the OP hasn't been back. This post and 2 on a duplicate thread are her only posts on MN.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 21/03/2010 21:44

eeek, this is just the sort of thing DS would do!

But my reason for responding is tht I have had paents try to inform me that I need to discipline my child and it was horrible. The actual event had happened mths before, but the parent (not the one who was present when it happened), saw fit to give me a torrent of passive aggressive parenting advice. At the incident I had sternly told DS his behaviour was not acceptable and made him go and apologise to the parent who was there and the child, and I also apologised to both. Apparently this was not enough, apparently I should have struck my DS for hitting a girl. THIS was all because it got back to the other parent from another mum who was concerned that my DS as bullying this girl based on the incident, she had even overheard me telling ds that it was not appropriate, because the aggressive parent repeated this phrase as being unacceptable discipline (I should have clouted him)... NEVER approach the parents!!! They had bypassed the school too... the school dealt with it th... the DC in my case actually really like each other and there was no actual problem... was just hearsay (DS had been too rough, hitting this girl, but the day before she had chased him with a huge stick...)...

It;s easy to jump in and demonise children who do these things, but to offer the parents parenting advice is just plain offensive (particularly as you don't know if they have been told and done something!)... or would you like the parents to clout their child too?

PixieOnaLeaf · 21/03/2010 21:45

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Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 21/03/2010 21:47

oh, and DS would have been in TEARS at being sent out to think... it would have made taught him not to do it!! Don't underestimate the effect of that humiliation on a child for disciplinary purposes! I'm sure the LO in the OP will soon forget about her hair if allowed to... the little culprit will proably remember being sent out!

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/03/2010 21:52

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PixieOnaLeaf · 21/03/2010 21:55

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lotster · 21/03/2010 22:14

Quite surprised at the agressive responses! Lots of which saying the same thing as if the whole thread not been read..
I'm sure nicola knows hair grows back (!) but it upset her and this isn't AIBU so wouldn't it be kinder to humour a little?

No wonder OP has left the building.

colabottles · 21/03/2010 22:33

ALOUISEG my sister lost her hair when she was very young it never grew back, try coping with that on a Sunday night hair wash for my mum!...this little snip of hair is nothing and aint harmed the dd...you aint half over reacting and actually making it worse for OP with your comments!

OP dd sounds healthy happy has nice hair...aint she a lucky mummy! Christ she needs to come over to SN boards have a read and count her blessings...mind you, you need to more though Alouiseg! Where do you live Arlington Road lol!

Nicola1983 · 22/03/2010 00:59

Hi there,

Just to make it clear - i havnt scarpered i just dont live and breath the net.

Lets just clear a few things up then. I never sat children down and questioned them taking statements etc. I am very friendly with quite a few of the parents in my daughters class and we all walk to and from school together. On walking home from school that afternoon the kids could'nt wait to tell me what the little boy had done. My only questions to them were what was the class doing at the time and what happened to the little boy?

Their parents were asking more questions than me and they are just as unhappy about it as i am. They certainly dont want thier child to be next so they are all very concearned.

My problem is not with the little boy in qeustion but with the supervision standards that the school have and what the school are going to do about it.

I have had problems with this little boy ever since my little girl started school - he seems to lash out at her and be really nasty for no apparent reason. He walks home at the same time we do and on quite a few occasions has stood in the middle of the path waiting for her and when she has ran past he has launched himself at her grabbing her hair pulling it out and being really nasty - He hits her in the face with his school bag to. The thing that bothers me is his mother just stands and watches it and never says a word to him and quite obviously thinks it is acceptable for him to behave like that. Even when my little girl is in tears infront of her beacuse of her little boys actions. As far as i am concearned it is up to her to disciplin him in her own way but to be totally compus mentous about it all is taking the piss to be honest.

I have brought this up to the class teacher and the response i got was it is out of school hours and there isnt anything they can do.

Yes i did send a letter to his mother on Friday and i dont see what i have done wrong. I told her that i had went round earlier that evening to speek to her but she wasnt in therfore wrote her a letter. I explained what had happened at school and that obviously i wasnt happy and that my little girls was quite upset about the whole thing. To be honest him cutting her hair was the final straw for me and i told her that. I have kept my mouth shut long enough. I told her that i had been in contact with the school and that they were now dealing with the complaint but at the very least i felt she had to know about the incindent and that if she wished to talk to me about it then to come and see me. I would have wanted to have know had the shoe been on the other foot. At the very least i would have expected and appology of some sorts for my little girl. I was very nice in the letter and not threatening at all.

I remained calm and reserved when the teacher told me and have done infront of my daughter therfore NOT throwing fule on the fire.

Yes i only noticed the full extent of the damage when i got home as it was pouring down on the walk home from school and she also came home with her hair tied back (she did NOT go to school with her hair tied up that morning). I was told her hair was getting in her face - funny because i have never had this happen before and neither have any of my friends so i would say they were obviously trying to cover something up. I do expect that when a teacher is talking to me she is being truthful therefore didnt have to much cause for concern - obviously not anymore.

I am not the only parent of a child who has had problems with this little boy but as i have said i am not angry with the little boy - i am angry with the school as they should be monitering him properly. I am also really annoyed with his parents. Thy know what he is like and still remain to do absolutly nothing about it. Its obvious the boy needs help but they just give of the cant be arsed attitude. Its not fair on my daughter to just have to accept his behaviour bcause he may have issues - that is up to the school to provide help for him.

To be honest i honestly didnt think that the world had so many bullies and i honestly didnt think the majority of them would be on this website.

I personally think it is shocking that the majority of you all seem to think that violating another human being is so acceptable and that bullying is just one of those things that happens and i have to accept it. My daughter is my life and if she is hurt, upset, angry etc then it is up to me to deal with it. Thats what being a mum is surely. I just dont understand why most of you seem to be so blazay about the whole thing. I am not talking about family doing this to another family member not that i think that is right etither. This little boy has no right whatsoever.

My little girl loves to look pretty and has an opinion on all her clothes and accessories. Of course i tell her she is pretty and beautiful and gorgeous like all parents do but no she is not the next Miss World and i never enforce her to look a certain way. The only thing i would say is i like her to be tidy, clean and presentable. Whats wrong with that? I cant help the fact that she is a girlie girl and loves to look that way.

I think a lot of on here are all to quick to judge.

OP posts:
jasper · 22/03/2010 01:04

I think you will laugh about it in years to come and you should let it go.

It's not violating another human, or bullying. It's dopey little kids getting their hands on scissors.

Really, this is not uncommon

Nicola1983 · 22/03/2010 01:12

Well then there lies a huge problem - i am entrusting the care of my child to someone else therfore they have a duty to keep her safe and unharmed. If that doesnt happen there has to be some sort of follow up.

OP posts:
jasper · 22/03/2010 01:19

Nicola, this is probably fresh in your mind ,and it is perfectly natural your hackles are up on behalf of your daughter, but really, in the great scheme of things , it is not important. Everyone here is saying the same thing.

Your daughter was not the victim of a vicious assault. She was on the wrong end of some mindless mischief making.She was not exactly harmed. The more fuss YOU make, however, the worse she will feel.

I agree the boy's parents should have been informed and if my son had done that he would be handing over 6 months pocket money to pay for your daughter's hairdressers appointment. But you can't force a desired reaction from anyone.

Please try to let it go.

belgo · 22/03/2010 06:58

oh I had a feeling this would turn into an AIBU by stealth. (except I know it's not AIBU but you know what I mean.

Nicola1983 if this little boy is hitting and bullying your dd why didn't you say that in your OP? Cutting off a lock of hair as a one off by a mischievous child is a very different matter to cutting off hair in the context of a boy who is regularly bullying a little girl.

Feenie · 22/03/2010 07:27

How were the school trying to 'cover it up'? They told you exactly what happened, and what the consequences were for the little boy.

Agree with belgo's comments - very very strange not to mention the other behaviour in your op.

The school are going to be so pissed off that you've escalated the situation by writing to the boy's mother. I bet she tries to kick up a stink about harrassment now. You have crossed a line there, op.

Shaz10 · 22/03/2010 08:00

He probably fancies her.

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/03/2010 08:00

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