Oh my God... I just argued with DS's teacher!

[Lycraphobe]

I only tried to have a chat with her about how difficult Ds finds the homework and how this has turned to impossible in the last week. I tried to teach it to him but it was too sophisticated a notion for him and he just couldn't get his head around it. (it was a couple of words in his spelling homework for which he had to write sentences showing that he understood the word).
Anyway the teacher kept saying "well, that's the programme I am following" and "he must do it", even when I explained that it isn't won't but can't, even with my help. The only option is for me to do it for him because she punishes him if it doesn't get done.

It all got a bit heated. She told me to go away and think about what she had said. I suggested that she thought about what I had said and that she spent time considering whether the work she is setting is achievable. At that point she took the huff and basically tried to close the door in my face!

Oh God! I wish I hadn't bothered even trying now! I hope she doesn't take it out on DS (as one of the teaching assistants confided in me: DS's teacher is inexperienced and she lacks empathy). Where do I go from here? He is in Yr3.

ANy chance you could pop quickly into the heads office when you do the run this afternoon?? Just casually pass by and see if you can glean what it is about? I wonder how the teacher will be at pick up??

My first reaction was to ask 'How experienced is this teacher?' I ask because DS1 had a NQT in Y3 (1st year of juniors) and she didn't handle dicipline well! Which is to say she was quite shouty and aggressive! I think she was naturally terrified of 'losing control' of the class. BUT the biggie was that DS1 didn't voice any concerns about her and, as you'd expect, now, 3 years later, she's matured and is more highly regarded.

I was pleased we got the NQT in Y3 to 'get it out of the way'

I hop eyou can sort this because it is unpleasant to have a poor relationship with your DC's teacher.

I still agree with all the other posters in suggesting those words are ridiculously difficult!

It is a state school isn't it?? The mention of 'government' makes me think that. Were it an academically selective private, that would be a different kettle of fish.

DH is doing the pick up today as i am at work - though spending way too much time on MN!

It has got to be about DS1's teacher and me: I can't think of anything else, especially as DH has been asked to attend too. The DC have never got into trouble for bad behaviour or anything and they are both doing relatively well with the work (as far as I know).

starstudent are you MNing in school time .

it is a normal state primary. Unfortunately quite a small one too, so there is no hope of DS2 avoiding her when he reaches year 3. Unless soemthing changes, i've got her for another 1 1/2 years.

Certainly not Lostinwales!

If you've got this teacher for another 1 1/2 years then best to get this sorted now.

You should not be having to teach your child the meanings if these words AT ALL. Homework is supposed to reinforce work taught in class. It is the teacher's job to ensure that the children understand the words which she sends home and to differentiate accordingly.

go straight to head. i would set out a very short summary in an email and ask for meeting to discuss.

eg dear headteacher,

My son is really struggling with his homework. I have spoken to the class teacher but have not got a satisfactory response. Please can you advise when would be a good time to come in to discuss?

any update?

no.. not until next week when we have the meeting. DS1 is home from school though and he says that the teacher was ok to him today... just treated him as normal. So that's good.

Lycraphobe, I agree with starstudent that this teacher is on weak ground and that is why she has fired her salvo first by going to complain about you to the headteacher before you made any complaint. She will probably have told the head that you were rude to her and tried to tell her how to do her job. The fact that the head wants to see your DH as well as you is a bit worrying, it suggests to me that the head probably believes the teacher at the moment. If you are calm but firm and explain what happened, then I think the head will understand your position and put it all down to a misunderstanding, have a word with the teacher and ask her to set easier homework.

I agree with others that these words were far too difficult.

DS told me this morning that he was kept in at lunchtime last week because he had forgotten to hand in his numeracy homework. He tried to tell the teacher that he had done it but it was still in his schoolbag because he had forgotten to hand it in, but she told him that he had to do it all over again anyway as it was now late.

Is this fair or to be expected for Y3 children?

Ds also tells me that the teachers policy is to make a child who cannot do part of their homework stay in at lunchtime each day until they have done it. If they can't do it on the first time they are kept in, then they will have to give up their lunch time each day until they have done it. The teacher will not help if the child can't do it - most of the time she isn't even there. Is this policy usual in other schools?

I think this sort of punishment is a little harsh because it means that the children who can't do their homework, or simply forgot to hand it in are given the same punishment as those who didn't bother to do their homework.

I am aware that the meeting on Monday represents my one and only shot to get things sorted out for DS. I would like to raise these issues too but I won't if people tell me that it is normal practice in other schools too.

I have been lurking, and watching this thread with interest, but I had to reply as I am so shocked at your teacher's approach.
I thought there were guidelines on how long children should spend on their homework. If mine have homework which they find too tricky, or if there is too much for them to do, then they work for about 25-30 mins and then stop. I will put a note on the homework explaining why we have stopped, and if possible have a quiet word with the teacher at the start or end of the day. Admitttedly, we've only done this 3/4 times since starting school, but I would be furious if the child was punished for not completing work that was too difficult for them.
As another op mentioned, homework is generally about re-inforcing what they have beeen taught in the classroom.
I really hope you get this sorted with the Headteacher on Monday.

My dd1 is in yr3 (one of the younger ones) and forgets to hand the homework in, or forgets to put it in her book bag and bring it home. I coudl go on .

It was becoming a full time job for me, reminding her all the time etc. She came in two weeks ago and said her name was on a list 'of children who hadn't done their homework' and she was embarrassed and worried about getting into trouble the next day if she forgot to hand it in. She still forgot to hand it in the next day .

I really do try to keep her on top of it all but she forgets. I think putting her name on a list is a good idea as she was embarrassed and has to learn responsbility. I would be annoyed if she was not getting her lunch due to her forgetfullness. I wouldn't mind if she had to miss 10 minutes or so of playtime, lunchtime because she forgot to hand it in but no food equates to torture. Especially for dd1 who is unbearable without food in her (as most children are).

In dd's school I have never heard of such a thing and would be astounded and consider changing her schools if this was routine practice.

Also, staying in at lunch time each day!! The teacher isn't even there to help them. I would really question the head teacher about this. Why is the head teacher allowing this to happen and if she isn't aware of it then that is even worse!!

I really feel for you.

sorry colie... my post was unclear.. they get to eat but then they have to go back to the classroom and do the work instead of going outside to play with their friends.

I could write a note under the work saying he couldn't do the parts of the work he has left blank but she has always ignored any note I've written like that in the past, so it seems a bit pointless to try.

The other thing that came up today was that DS says that when he tries to raise his hand to ask a question, she generally tells him to put his hand down without finding out what he wants. DS doesn't seem to feel that he is being singled out for this treatment, it happens to everyone. But he doesn't feel that he can speak to her easily and generally just gives up. What if he just wanted to go to the loo or was feeling sick??

He was a summer baby too and so is the youngest in his class. But I am not sure if that's why he forgets things like handing in his homework and changing his library book... it is frustrating though!!

If I am honest, the thing that is really annoying me about DS being kept in last week to re-do his homework is that I was in hospital having a major abdominal operation that day. I'd told the teacher what was happening at home the day before and I had specifically asked her to go easy on him for a day or two until I got out of hospital because he was upset at the thought of me being cut open. Its the only time ever I've asked for any favours and the teacher replied that there was no need because he's never any trouble anyway.

I'm probably too emotional about this part and so I see more significance in it than i should, but when you go out of your way to ask for compassion to be shown ....

This is not normal practice and is certainly a strategy which should be avoided by schools, as instead of fostering a love of learning, it'll just put children off!

Write down everything of concern this weekend and type it up before the meeting. Put the points in order of importance and give the Head a copy at the end of the meeting.

Have you spoken to other parents about the homework, as it really seems to be an issue? Having other parents who agree with you could give weight to your argument.

Also, it is very normal for children to forget to give their homework in. They should be reminded by their teacher!!!

Just chiming in because I feel for you, OP, and wish you luck with this (I don't have school age children yet myself, so no exp to offer). Think it is brilliant you have starstudent's MN advice to consider as it sounds spot on! Let us know what happens please x

Only read OP, I will read all in a second but had to say that : at her telling you "go away and think about what she tod you" That is what I say to my 5yo when he misbehaves!

OK, thread now read. I cannot believe how unreasonable your Ds teacher is. Keeping in at break to complete homework that had not been done (laziness) OK, Keeping in for not having been able to do it in spite of trying hard What is the teacher for if not to explain and re-explain things until they are actually assimilated by a child? (especially if difficulty really exceed what can be expected from a child in yr3)

I have 3 children of school age so seen some teachers in my time but this is ridiculous. Any teachers who really want the children to progress surely would be appreciative that you take interest in your child homework, identified a problem and let them know about it?

I am ennoyed on your behalf OP that the teacher got to the HT first!

Hope the meeting will go in your favour. I actually think that if the HT has got a bit of common sense it will be the case.

I agree Dorothea, I am very fortunate (and grateful for) Starstruck's advice and I am going to take it.

I've been thinking hard about what I want out of this meeting. It seems to me that even if the headteacher accepts every single one of my points, and my version of the conversation, there isn't an awful lot she can do about it. not just that but she has the other teachers to consider because if a school is anything like any business I have ever worked for, then the rest of the staff will have a level of sympathy for their colleague unless there is indisputable evidence that her behaviour has been completely unacceptable.

Maybe she could organise some more training for the teacher, and/ or review the school's homework policy (or even just the application of it within the Y3 class) but she can't change this teacher's personality and the horrible thing is that the teacher is going to have to be a big person to not let it prejudice her future dealings with DS1 and later DS2.

sorry I should have written starstudent, not starstruck!

A pleasure! Only too glad to help!

You are right to think carefully about what you want to get out of the meeting. There are really two main issues here:

1. The teacher's attitude towards you and your son.
2. The homework policy.

Regarding the teacher's attitude further down the line, let's hope she is a big person, but after the meeting you will need to keep an eye on things anyway. Am sure the Head will deal with this well and sort things out for you.

Keep us posted.