Oh my God... I just argued with DS's teacher!

[Lycraphobe]

I only tried to have a chat with her about how difficult Ds finds the homework and how this has turned to impossible in the last week. I tried to teach it to him but it was too sophisticated a notion for him and he just couldn't get his head around it. (it was a couple of words in his spelling homework for which he had to write sentences showing that he understood the word).
Anyway the teacher kept saying "well, that's the programme I am following" and "he must do it", even when I explained that it isn't won't but can't, even with my help. The only option is for me to do it for him because she punishes him if it doesn't get done.

It all got a bit heated. She told me to go away and think about what she had said. I suggested that she thought about what I had said and that she spent time considering whether the work she is setting is achievable. At that point she took the huff and basically tried to close the door in my face!

Oh God! I wish I hadn't bothered even trying now! I hope she doesn't take it out on DS (as one of the teaching assistants confided in me: DS's teacher is inexperienced and she lacks empathy). Where do I go from here? He is in Yr3.

Aww what a shame, my dd is having a similar problem and i was asked to go and speak to the teacher his week about it and the teacher was really nice and suggested that dd maybe needs to go into a different group where she would be more comfortable with the words, she also suggested the teacher and i communicate more about her work.

I would def speak to the head.

My son had a teacher of similar talents last year. Quite early on in the year, he came up with spelling sentences as follows:

Teachers are there for lots of reasons.
Your teacher might have not got enough qualifications.
Of course your teacher might just like teaching.

I can't remember what the spelling words were, but am pretty sure that qualifications was not one of them. And she was that bad!

To my shame, I made him come up with alternatives. In retrospect I should have left it. We moved him to another school in the end. She was beyond awful, and the head seemed unable to do anything about it.

Iklboo.

i'm a teacher ad taught y3 for 8ys. is the homework differentiated accortding to abilty? those spellings are completely innappropriate for his age. I would teach him to spell the words but think of the sentences for him.

I would also go and see her again - if you get no joy a second time tell her you'll be seeing the HT. How r the others in the class found the hmk?

I would ask for a meeting with her and the head of year. If that gets you nowhere I would speak to the HT.

How do others in the class find the work? If they can manage it and your ds can't then he may need help. If lots of the others are struggling too then the teacher is clearly setting work that is above their ability.

To add to my post, help him do it but add a note at the bottom of the page about how much you had to help him ,how difficult it was for him EVERY DAY until she gets the message.

PS. I had a row with DS1's teacher about homework yesterday, she gave him a detention for a totally unreasonable and unfair reason. She ended our "chat" by saying "He is going to secondary school next year", yes i know, I am his mother you patronising cow!

jomummy - I really appreciate your experience.
The children in DS's class are split into groups for spelling and he is in the top group. Somehow he can memorise spellings really easily and he loves (loved?) reading so his vocab is quite good too. But these last few weeks the words have been getting really difficult. It is not the number of letters that he has to memorise, but the concept. e..g last week he had timeless, so first of all I had to teach him about fashion and then explain how timeless was the opposite of a passing fashion. It didn't take one minute to do, but at least I could find the words to explain it. But when i was trying to explain "impressionable" to him this week, he just couldn't see why it could be a problem to be led by others.

I am worried about going to see the teacher again. She just doesn't seem to listen. She told me if I didn't think the words were suitable then I "should take it up with the government".

I am just really worried that she can't control herself and will take it out on DS. So I really would be grateful to hear your thoughts on whether this still happens in practice these days, even if it shouldn't happen in theory.

As a Head Teacher myself I would advise you to go straight to the Head as soon as possible. I would certainly want to know about this type of unacceptable behaviour happening in my school.

Call the school and book an appointment today if possible, but do please say that it is extremely important that you speak to the Head ASAP.

Then before your meeeting note down the things you are unhappy about (behaviour of teacher, inappropriate homework, etc) - this will help you focus if you are feeling upset or angry.

It is also very important that you meet the Head in a calm manner, although I realise that may be difficult, but you have to put your story over in a rational way. The Head is then far more likely to take what you are saying seriously.

Lycraphobe have just read your latest post. I would be off to see the HT like a shot if ds's teacher spoke to me like that.

Ime you can write all you want about how difficult the homework is but she will most likely ignore it. I've been going on for the whole of this academic year how difficult ds finds reading. I insisted he was tested by the SENCO and low and behold he has LDs that explain his reading difficulty and some other aspects of his behaviour. His teacher had decided he was just being 'difficult'.

Hope you manage to sort it out. In my case I'm counting the days until the end of the school year so we can move on to a different teacher.

Another teacher here backing the suggestion that you make an appointment to talk about this with the Head. I'm not sure how helpful it was of the teaching assistant to express her opinion!

Those words seem particularly tricky for a child aged 7/8... if you want to show willing perhaps your son could write sentences using the words; impression, account and excited and you could write a note at the bottom explaining that this is what he could manage.

the teaching asst is also a neighbour.. it was an off the record, over the garden fence type chat (and it was a few months ago, not in relation to the argument).

but thanks for your advice. I will go and speak to the Head. I have a good relationship with her as I am on the PTA too.

I am shocked at what happened with teacher though and it does seem to be a personality thing so I am not sure what head can do about it. I hope it just doesn't make things worse if she thinks I am complaining about her... and what if the Head doesn't believe me?

My DS aged 9, year 4 would not have a clue what those words would mean or how to spell them. He is struggling with father and being etc - he is below average but even so

dd1 is off sick today so I just asked her what words mean she said

excitable means excited
impressionable means make an impression
and accountable means to keep an account
all though she is kind of on the right track if i asked her to make sentence she would not be able to either.

Go see head and also explain how you are able to help him with homework but only if it is paced at his level

it looks like it has been taken out of my hands... the school secretary has just rung to ask for an appointment for me and DH to see the Head.

Gosh those are hard words. DS2 - also year 3- had industrial this week and struggled with that (he also has to put spellings into sentences). Luckily he has been doing a bit about the industrial revolution and I explained about industrial estates for another option, but he would never have understood impressionable or accountable. Excitable maybe, possibly but I'm not 100% and I would expect a year 3 child to find that hard.

Has she been teaching year 3 long or is she used to older children?

oh, gosh. Good luck!

"She told me to go away and think about what she had said"

I would have just sat there with my jaw hanging open!

this is her first year teaching year 3 and her third or fourth year of teaching at all.

Oh no!! Was the secretary able to tell you anything at all about the appointment??

whoisasking... actually i was more surprised when she told me to take it up with the government (mainly because we were talking about the word accountability - it made me think that she didn't quite understand the word herself!)

Oh, I would be fuming at this point and would probably self combust. I hope you're a calmer person OP.

Don't worry, Lycraphobe. To be honest it's to be expected! The teacher has probably realised that she's done something she shouldn't have, then she's run to tell the Head her version of events - this is normal.

It's good that you have a good relationship with the Head; this will help and as I said before, write down what you want to say and stay calm.

no i asked the secretary and she said she didn't know. We couldn't do the appointment time though - because I am helping out on a school trip at the suggested time - so it will be interesting if the school secretary can answer that question when she rings back with a new time.

I wonder what her version of events will be? Quoting me out of context maybe? omitting her replies? or just saying she that I upset her?

this isn't good. How are we going to get past this back onto what is best for DS?