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Original poster

to feel a bit gutted that DS primary school is 80% full of chav roughneck parents....

248 replies

Boobalina · 08/10/2009 21:15

I know I am going to get shot down here but hear me out. DS is in reception at our local school walking distance from our house. Various friends of ours (who all live in nicer parts of the city) children all go to their local schools which are ofsted 'outstanding' and full of middle class parents and kids. Now this is what you get when you cant afford to live in a nicer part of the city I know... but every now and then it really guts me. DS went to a very nice nursery and pre-school close to my work which was a bit posh and DD still goes there. But we couldnt afford to send DS there for primary school. His teachers seem really lovely, and really professional - its just some of the kids and parents there.

I went to a nice village primary school and then ended up going to a rather rough comp after and it did me know harm at all. I just wanted a bit more for my kids and also its hard to make friends with some of the mums when they are screaming at their toddlers, smoking lamberts and comparing lovebites (really!)

I am really jealous of my friends....

and they have bigger houses than us....

pathetic isnt it........

OP posts:
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southeastastra · 09/10/2009 12:22

some of the nicest children i've met are the from the 'roughest' of backgrounds, and some of the rudest are from more privileged backgrounds, wouldn't occur to them to say please and thank you occasionally.

MintyCane · 09/10/2009 12:25

I don't think spaceman summed up much really. He said that he didn't want his kid to mix with kids not the same as his own. I think that is a bit odd TBH. One of the things I like about school is the kids mix with all sorts of people. Otherwise they might as well stay at home.

MintyCane · 09/10/2009 12:26

I am still utterly amazed that Katiestar said that the people from comprehensives were shocking. I would love to know why ?

Cortina · 09/10/2009 12:28

I want to send my kids to a school where they are going to fit in. I suffered terribly at school because my face and family didn't fit with the majority group. I would walk over hot coals to see that didn't happen to my kids.

Probably a bit off the point but generally children pick on those who are different, shouldn't happen but it does, at least in my experience. As I see it I owe it to my children to put them in an environment where they can blend in as easily as possible.

LadyMagpieOK · 09/10/2009 12:30

Spaceman Thu 08-Oct-09 22:04:19

" I wouldn't feel comfortable for my daughter to go home with a friend from school if their parents smoked, had dogs, swore and generally looked slummy like the mums I see going up the road in the morning"

Since when did owning dogs make you a lower class of citizen? And since when how a person 'looks' determine the standard of education they want for their child?

This thread has opened my eyes tbh and there will be a few posters I will be staying away from now.

Katiestar - I cannot even begin to respond to your post, but that may be because I come from a comprehensive and am obviously sub human

MN at its worst

electra · 09/10/2009 12:30

@ 'I am friends with the nice 20%'

MintyCane · 09/10/2009 12:32

LadyMagpieOk I totally agree MN at its worst

Blu · 09/10/2009 12:34

"i would be appalled if my DC went to a school like this buecause of the strong influence the children would have on my own."

This is at the heart of so much angst about schools - and IMO it is also the heart of snobbery.

DS goes to a S London primary in a borough which causes much shudering and horror in mc parents. The school demography is very wide.

The child in DS's class who is of outstanding (truly outstanding, not just routine top 5% of the class G&T) ability and academic achievement is the dd of a mum who would be described as 'chavvy' by the OP. Right down to the smoking, and she is a single Mum on benefits - quelle horreur.

The child who has actually hospitalised another child with his constant violent play, swore at DP when he came to our house (the eff word), and whose mother has been known to be drunk when having other kids to play, is from a mc, volvo-driving 'naice' family.

Be careful what you wish for.

Oh, and one of the BIG influences I would like my DS not to be subject to, is that of snobs and those with a superiority complex.

OrmIrian · 09/10/2009 12:36

ha ha ha boobalina

Great wind up...

Lizzylou · 09/10/2009 12:36

OP, Really don't judge books by covers, my closest Mom friend is a young(ish, loads younger than me, anyway!)single Mom, dresses trendily, has tattoos and drives a boy racer car (in her words).
She has a degree, is studying for another and is the best Mother I know.
She is my "What would do" person, she is that good a Mother. And a lovely, lovely person.

You are probably missing out on some great friendships by being so snooty.

MintyCane · 09/10/2009 12:37

phew and Blu brings sanity back to the world of mumsnet

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/10/2009 12:42

And some of the foulest little shitpots are from the 'nicest' and most monied backgrounds. My dd is at an international school in an exceptionally wealthy area (I should point out that I am married to a teacher so don't pay fees). Most of her friends parent's drive Lamborghini, Mercs, Ferarri, Porsches etc. We drive a clapped out Ford. She has a couple of fairly nice normal classmates, but on the whole they are too well off for their own good. Their sense of self importance is off the scale and the mothers are bizarre. Too much cosmetic surgery andmake up at pick up time. I would probably be one of the chavvy rednecks originally described in the OP if this were Swiss MN.

rolledhedgehog · 09/10/2009 12:45

MintyCane - dunno what KatieStar meant but I went to a Comp in North London and when I went to University was shocked to discover there were students there who found me a complete hoot and loved to mock my accent. Personally this formed the huge chip on my shoulder!

I ended up married to a private school boy so I got over it but took years.

HolyBumoley · 09/10/2009 12:47

As I say: wilful misunderstanding. Why shouldn't a 'single mum on benefits' be a good parent and decent person, Blu? Why's it worth mentioning? The OP isn't talking about single mothers/council houses/lack of money (she's on benefits herself, fgs). She's talking about people who shout and swear at their children. Why can nobody accept that it's reasonable for her to wish for better for her children? Or are people with no choice just supposed to accept it?

If you have no choice but to accept it, of course, the only option is to make the best of it. It sounds as if that's what the OP is doing in practice.

OrmIrian · 09/10/2009 12:47

There are loads of 'chavs' and 'rednecks' at my DC school. And you know what? Some of them are really quite nice

But if it really worries you my overwhelming experience is that children seem to choose to be with those children who are similar to themselves. My DC have without fail focused on the kids whose parents 'are like us'. So don't worry your children won't be too badly contaminated.

HolyBumoley · 09/10/2009 12:51

And Kreecher: why 'should' you point that out? In order not to lose your right-on MN credentials? I'm sorry, but this whole 'I'm-really-not-int-the-slightest-bit-privileged' pose adopted by so many MN-ers really grates with me. Even if it's true, it is irrelevant and does not need trumpeting.

Rant over!

scarletlilybug · 09/10/2009 12:51

So much inverted snobbery on this thread...

preciouslillywhite · 09/10/2009 12:53

and so much non-inverted proper snobbery as well (I know which one I prefer)

smee · 09/10/2009 12:54

As I said earlier if your child's happy and the school's good it matters very little what background they're all from.

preciouslillywhite · 09/10/2009 13:01

I think a lot of mothers look at school as an opportunity for them to make friends, rather than their dcs. Fwiw, my son went to a school very similar to the one you describe, OP. He made a very good and diverse bunch of friends, which is what I would expect from an inner city school. My dds now go to the same school, and the demographic has almost completely changed. And I feel that it has gone up a few slots on the league tables, but lost something quite valuable in the process

scarletlilybug · 09/10/2009 13:05

Snobbery is snobbery, is it not?

thedolly · 09/10/2009 13:06

What is so good about going to a school with a good social mix then? Is it about learning to tolerate other peoples differences? If so, then this applies to the parents as well as the children. You can learn to 'tolerate' these other parents OP but you do not have to behave like them.

Their children may not be the badly behaved ones in class, you just don't know. Speak to your children about how different people have different standards of behaviour, a sort of extension of the 'different families have different rules' idea. Tell them that just because a person swears/smokes it doesn't mean that they are not a nice person etc. etc. I'm sure you get my drift now.

Don't feel gutted, you only need to make a few friends and in any school, there are normally only a handful of mums/dads that you get to know well.

Original poster
Boobalina · 09/10/2009 13:14

Yes I can be construed as snobbish in my post - hands up. But I have kids in both camps - the nursery where DD goes to is part of a independant prep school and a lot of the parents are in the other minority of being posh and they can equally grate - I've had 4 years of that.

I've got nothing against working class people, my parents were working class and went on to be Doctors and teachers after a lot of struggle to leave their deprived backgrounds and they both grew up in the war also - so being fair and being thrifty were drummed into me even though I grew up in a nice big house etc. My older siblings were all totally privately educated and my yonder siblings and me were totally state educated so I have a balanced point of view in this.

Maybe all the posters who feel I am being awful and they are great should trade places and DS can have their nice school places and you can have mine as you feel you'll do a better job being non-judgemental and embrace all the horrible people who beat their kids and call them swear words....

OP posts:
thedolly · 09/10/2009 13:25

preciouslilywhite, snobbery and inverted snobbery are equally bad, no?

scarletlilybug · 09/10/2009 13:43

Boobalina, I'm with you.

I've had first hand experience of a school similar to the one you described and, overall, it wasn't a nice experience for my dd.

And it intrigues me how so many people talk
about the importance of a good social mix - not to mention making prejudiced comments based on people's appearances - and then go on to say how much they would prefer their children not to have to mix with "spoilt, stuck-up, middle class children" (paraphrasing here).