can't believe how cliquey school parents are! are their lives really that dull?

[mammablueeyes]

my dd is only in reception and I must say i was quite looking forward to her starting school and meeting the parents and her making some nice friends but I have found myself withdrawing more and more since september because they are in little groups and its all so uncomfortable and silly I just cant be arsed, is this norm?

[eskimum]

Sorry typo meant PTA !

[stillenacht]

eskimum thats how it is at DSs school - a private part and i think the ladies who doth protest a little too much on this thread know it 'n all!

[stillenacht]

a private party

not private part lol!!!

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

I'm glad dd1 qualifies for the bus- means I only have to chat to the 3 or 4 other mums who are waiting at the bus stop!

[stillenacht]

yeah i don't have any of this with DS2s school as he goes to special school and gets transport do no school gate stuff (although that can be a little isolating too).

[mammablueeyes]

wow I left this last night and now it has 5 pages lol
well clearly I havwe offended somepeople but at the same time there appears to be several people who experience similar things.
the 'I dont have time to chat' comment was applied to mornings when I along with many are in a rush but generally afterschool I am there and waiting in the playground with the best of them, dont get me wrong I have got friendly with a couple of other mums who I really like but whatever anyone eays there is definatetly a clique and they are unpleasant to us AND some of the teachers. and the 'private party' comment is spot on

[Sheeta]

I'm going to take a guess here that the people who think that playground cligues exist are the people who were 'excluded' from the 'in crowd' at school.

tongue far enough in cheek here?

Everybody hated me at school (or so I thought) and I expect that if I approach the school yard with the same approach I did at secondary scool, i won't make any friends at all...

however, if I ditch the stupid immature little girl in me that thinks everybody hates her, and just gets on with it, I think I'll probably be much more approachable and have more friends.

[Sheeta]

scool? school, obviously!

[paranoidmother]

i've been taking DD to Nursery for just under 2 years and the Nursery is attached to school. It's quite nice as the mums and dads have started to talk to eachother as we now know who's child is who and what age and which kids like each other etc. I've found the parents nearly all 95% chatty and lovely, the other 5% are not rude just not into the chat thing which is fair enough.

I've really enjoyed meeting more people, who are going through the same thing as me and making new friends along with the DC's.

[londonartemis]

In my experience of quite a few school, someone in the year sends round a note suggesting everyone get together for a coffee after drop off one morning. Obviously not so good for full-time working mothers, but it helps break the ice for those who can make it, and it's a chance to start to get to know people.
I think people also smile or say Hello to a familiar face around a school, so if you've gone on a school trip with the children or have helped out at the school fete, that helps a lot too.

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

I can't abide it..
I have friends, some of them have children in the same class as mine some not, but at the school gates .
There are a few people in groups that I have no interest in - one lady currently annoying me is on the PTA talking about the headmaster by his first name, telling us all about how she has advised him on how to sort out the class allocations for next year. I just smile but internally I do just wish I could be rude and tell her I have no interest AT ALL!!!
My plan is to spend as little time there as possible!

[simplesusan]

I have noticed the "OH darling you are on reading book X!!!!" type who wafts around her child's reading book shouting how clever little Johnny is.

Also the mums who regularly trail home other people's kids, making a point of how popular their child is as to always have friends around.

[JeanPoole]

oh on this sound dreadful.
my dd is only 2 so at least i don't need to do school runs yet

[hullygully]

You lot make it all sound so Women Beware Women Jacobean Tragedy. They're just people, good, bad and ugly. Why expect any different because it happens to be a playground you're all standing in? Just smile.

[TBCoalman]

I often 'trail home other people's kids' simplesusan , usually as a favour to their parents. Should I refuse, or smuggle them out under my coat so that people don't think that I am showing off about the fact that my children have friends?

[happywomble]

I think the worst types at my DCs school are the mums who have engineered their childrens friendships at nursery and then try to stay in the same groups when they start school, ignoring everyone else.

There is no harm in talking to the people you know best but imagine how it feels if you are on the outside of all this and have been to a non feeder nursery and your child doesn't know anyone, and no one speaks to you at pickup or invites your child to play.

Having been very popular at nursery my DS didn't get invited to any playdates when he started school with a completely different set of children. I think it was because people just kept inviting their friends children round rather than trying to make new friends for themselves and their children.

I also noticed that those who already had children further up the school stuck with their existing friends rather than trying to chat to the new parents as well.

When my second child starts at school I am going to again make a big effort to talk to everyone. I don't want any new mums starting at the school to feel as lonely as I did.

The school in question is a church school..people seem to leave their christian ideals at the church door!

[ouchitreallyhurts]

Is it more obvious in the small village schools? I've found only one clique at our school but the alpha mummy really is nasty about everyone! I'm sure the mums who talk to her only do so to avoid being bitched about she's the first one there (only lives 5 mins walk away but drives to get space rightoutside school!) and then last to leave, as you walk past you hear "well, apparantly..." and she doesnt' hide the fact that shes talkign about people as they pass, the others tend to just nod . poor woman - obviously not much else going on in her life.
I used to hate the school run because I felt like Billy no mates but now its a case of smiling at everyone, saying hello and trying to be as involved at parties as I want to be in order to meet mums and dads'. no desires to join a clique - quite happy being friends with just a few and friendly to all the others.

[snowmummy]

OMG my DS starts school in September and I have been worrying about so-called 'playground politics'. I'm now even more worried

[TBCoalman]

Don't worry snowmummy, seriously it's no worse than starting a new job or joining an aerobics class.

Just breeze in with a big 'hello' and get on with it.

Some people are already in established friendship groups, if you want to be part of it you will have to put in more effort. If you don't want to, no big deal.

It's just people.

[eskimum]

Sheeta - I think you're right, and thats a v sensible approach. I try to do the same, as I don't think anyone really means to be unfriendly or to exclude others, it's just that unfortunately people in groups can sometimes act that way even though they might be perfectly friendly or approachable when on thier own. So developing a bit of a thick skin is necessary also I think.

[listenglisten]

I can honestly say I have never come across this at my children's primary school. It is a large school of over 400 children and although there are obviously some close friendships between parents, especially if they have older children who have gone through the school, they are always friendly and I haven't seen any cliques.

Perhaps I just walk around with my head in the clouds...........

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

I've found it depends on the school. DD left first school this year and I decided to send DS to the one down the road, not much distance between them but a world apart in playground atmosphere. It is now a complete pleasure to do the school run whereas before I used to get there as late as possible.

So I guess some people will only have experience of the atmosphere at DS's school whilst others have experience DD's school, hence peoples experiences being very different. It also alters between year groups, a friend has a younger child at DD's school and has commented that there is a much friendlier feeling amongst his year group compared to what we experienced with our DD's.

[beckysharp]

"Also the mums who regularly trail home other people's kids, making a point of how popular their child is as to always have friends around."

Hmm, not the mums helping out others (who perhaps are at work, or caring for younger children) with their school run then, or who share rides to keep a few cars off the road, or perhaps who are just sociable confident people?

Some of the comments here are a bit alarming really- I had no idea people thought so hard about this!

[newgirl]

i liked the story of the men on the bench by the way - i thought that was very wise!

ps another story - a family moved to our area last year - mum with 3 kids. They knew nobody but the mum has tried really hard to get to know people and she has - it must have been hard work getting to know 3 lots of parents especially those who already knew others, but she did - so it is possible. You just have to be very brave, say hello to everyone, and have a good memory!