can't believe how cliquey school parents are! are their lives really that dull?

[mammablueeyes]

my dd is only in reception and I must say i was quite looking forward to her starting school and meeting the parents and her making some nice friends but I have found myself withdrawing more and more since september because they are in little groups and its all so uncomfortable and silly I just cant be arsed, is this norm?

[hullygully]

How about if all you happy confident ones with lots of friends make an effort with shy on-their-own-ones, and all the shy, left out ones force themselves to talk to two people per pick-up?

Share the love.

[littletree]

don't know how I posted twice

[stillenacht]

hullygully - so true

[littletree]

good idea hully

[verygreenlawn]

Blimey, these threads are always so enlightening! The bit about the PTA made me lol, reminded me of the classic "tableclothes" thread some years back.

I'm just about to start helping out in reception as a volunteer (well from Sept when I'll no longer have a child in reception) - I had no idea I'd be seen as a no-life saddo or an interfering gossip by some people! I also regularly go to school in my gym kit (or at least I did until ds3 arrived - guilty as charged ...)

I'll add it to my little list - I guess it's not quite as bad as being "wanky" for putting Ben 10 books in party bags recently!

Seriously though, I do think maybe there's an element of over-thinking this. If you can help out at school in the PTA or whatever, great. If you have people to chat to, great. If you don't want to chat then that's fine too.

In terms of the school gate, when ds1 started school I knew no-one - not one person - because we travel some distance to school and many others are very local. Still, I've made some good friends in the last two years. Sure, there will always be the odd people that blank you, but my general philosophy is to go in with a smile on your face, trill "MORNING!!" loudly to anyone that is studying their watch as you pass, and move on. Life's too short to worry about fitting in with cliques!

[psychomum5]

hullygully, I am beginning to worry about you.....

you keep trying to 'share the love' on a few threads recently

tis nice, I love it

as for the playground cliques.....I am one who one day runs in and out not acknowledging anyone, the next chatting with everyone till 11am, the next chatting to the teacher like she's my long lost best mate from school........I clearly have a personality disorder

[hullygully]

Psycho - why worry about sharing the love? It's a good thing. More love, less conflict = more happiness. All these arguments that go "I think..." "Well I think..." etc don't get anywhere positive.

Smell a flower and smile at someone (at the schoolgate or otherwise).

[lljkk]

We don't have most the types of school-mums described here. Honestly, most of them drop and run. And I don't think I've ever met an "alpha mum" type, or teacher-wannabe, etc.
But we do have:
Groupie-mums. As soon as their leader appears they gather around her and fawn. The leader is more fashionably dressed, generally taller and much more socially vivacious than the groupies. By comparison, the groupies tend to be short, plump, shy and frumpy. The leader can't get away for people wanting some of her stardust to rub off trying to chat with her. It's like little fan-club meetings most mornings.

[hullygully]

lljjk - wow, where is your school? I wanna come and see this.

[psychomum5]

I didn't mean it in a real worried way, was being sarcastic

or maybe that I wasn;t clear on that...

I do love it, tis nice to share

[Lizzylou]

I like the school run, I work from home (alone) and it's the only time I get to talk to people face to face.
We have some wierdos and some Alpha Mummys revving their 4x4's and hogging 2 carpark spaces, but the Reception class Moms and Dads are really nice.

[annaje]

I've made a couple of good friends through the school, but generally don't really bother. I actually had one woman come up to me a short time ago and say in a very loud voice "is you DS really small for his age because you only give him sweets for tea".......needless to say I now avoid her!

[hullygully]

This exactly why we need more love. Next time embrace her.

[tonysoprano]

i have found as is usual in life that i have migratated to the mums most similar to me - those who like white wine. and we chat to everyone. the 'cliquey' ones generally are the most dull and i agree seem to have nothing better to do with their time. coincidnetally, their kids are also little turds.

[squilly]

I'm in several cliques (is that possible? Or is it the singularity of a clique that makes it so very cliquey), so my child is clearly a turd.

She's doing alright, considering. But I do try to keep her away from the playground at the end of the day. It's unfair to leave your turds around when there are little kids in the playground after all.

Mind you, I tend to find, it takes one....

[saddest]

I too have found that different years have different parents. This years reception parents are way nicer then the parents of my son's year. We have had very pleasant evenings out together.

I do however, avoid PTA types at all costs. They scare me, they are far too serious and enjoy pretending to be massively important. That's in all the schools I have experience of. I was deeply upset to have been deliberately left off the parents phone number list that they did.

They are horrid to my dh too when he drops off dd in the mornings. He gets really upset about it.

[MacaroonIncident]

you all need to get a job

then you dont go

[Walkingwiththighosaurs]

I sympathise with you OP. I know exactly what you mean. When my DS first started, I felt lost. I know a few at school but it has never really got any better. Despite my cheery good mornings etc and a few chats now and again, I never seem to be in the "gang". It really bothered me at first. My DS not getting invited to certain parties bothered me too. I really could not give a shit now. DS gets invited to some parties just not all, and for some reason I just don't let it bother me anymore. I'm not sure what changed me. I do work, although from home, so perhaps I have a fuller life. There are mums who stick together and I'm sure they know they are a cosy little gang, but I have also noticed other mums who drop and go and don't particularly have a set group of friends, I think if they can cope with it so can I. We recently had a ball at school, I did not go because I do not know enough people who would want to be on the same table as me (sob). Funnily enough another mum said the same as me so we decided that next year we would have a "Billy no mates" table!

[TBCoalman]

What horrid things do they do to your dh saddest? Do they flick bogies at him?

[nessus]

Mammablueyes, give it a couple of years and you won't care either way. It can feel daunting if your child starts at a new school in a ready formed year group that have known each for a while but if you are all reception virgins then I wouldn't even worry about it.

You will find like-minded folks in the end. It might take a while but like attracts like, so in the meantime, invest in a mp3 player and have that good book in hand when at the school

And repeat to self:- face bovvered

[MacaroonIncident]

LOl at coalman

tell dh to grow a backbone.

[Walkingwiththighosaurs]

Well said nessus, wish someone had said that to me a few years ago. I just tell myself to walk tall, look confident, smile and at least try to look like you have something far more important to go to. You could try going to school dressed to the nines and look a little hurried, they will all be wondering where you are going. just make sure you have a good story if anyone asks you.

[SingleMum01]

Lol Zanb... so funny and so true!

[MacaroonIncident]

a BALL at school?
fakrin nora

[BlueberryPancake]

Is this all about working mums against non-working mum YET AGAIN?? Am I dreaming or is it that other mums really don't like/regard/respect/enjoy the company of mums who've decided to take a career break and who have a bit of time to stop for a chat? Or am I just opening a complete can of worms?