can't believe how cliquey school parents are! are their lives really that dull?

[mammablueeyes]

my dd is only in reception and I must say i was quite looking forward to her starting school and meeting the parents and her making some nice friends but I have found myself withdrawing more and more since september because they are in little groups and its all so uncomfortable and silly I just cant be arsed, is this norm?

Its funny that kids in year 6 act like they own the playground as do many of their mums - there is like a playground hierachy of mums according to what year their DCs are in ...mmm..very true zanzibarmum

lol @ seeker

to be honest I would just like to feel relaxed and be able to chat with some mums and to have the odd coffee would be great, am hoping summer holidays will be a good excuse to get some of the kids and mums together

siletnacht - DC are of course at your DS's school. The antropology of the playground is always the same.

There is the type of mother who drops and runs.

I've perfected the avoiding eye-contact thing. I don't want to make friends at school.

There, I've said it now.

After years of rebuffs some persistent sods have worked their way in, but I won't stop and talk at the school gates. No time, no inclination.

Squonk. Have just realised I'm a wannabe teacher (it was the essay in the reading book that did it first...then the volunteering for school trips...then the helping out thing) but I promise, I never ignore anyone in the school and try really hard to be friendly and positive.

Am starting to think I need to stop volunteering at school. Thought it's doing the school good, it's clearly ruining my reputation

This works the other way as well though. My 2 best friends children are all at our local school. We have been accused by one mum of ignoring her at the school gates, making a point of excluding her, teaching our children to say horrible things to her children. She involved the headmaster and the police!!!

I had a visit from our community officer about it. Fortunately the story she told the headmaster and the story she told the police were completely different and we have been founf 'not guilty' of doing anything other then chatting at the school gates.

We have never meant to exclude anyone but just seen the drop offs (some of us do 5 a day with lunchtimes and nursery pick up) as a chance to have a quick chat.

School playground politics are a nightmare!!!

I just don't get it, I don't experience it like that
'All of our personalities change as soon as we cross that playground threshold - from the nice, normal person that you describe into one of the manner types that populate various parts of the playground'
i've got 3 dcs who've been at 4 schools and I've honestly not found that my personality has changed when I do the drop off/ pickup, why would it? I've found some people I quite like, some I chat to a bit because it's nice to be friendly, or our dcs are playing together, some I never really get to know. And sometimes I haven't got anything else to do, and I'm feeling a bit lonely and look forward to some company, which seems to draw particular scorn from some posters on this and other threads.
And as for the 'pta types'; I get involved sometimes in stuff; not that much, but I feel GRATEFUL to the parents that do put in a lot of work with fundraising, governorships etc.

We have another set....those who do the drop off in the school yard in their gym / running gear and proceed to do their stretches in the yard as they are obviously going to aerobics / running after the drop off ! I really hope that the run around the corner and get a large latte / muffin .

We have a large circle of friends whose kids are all in the same year! So, I gravitate towards them. My DH does the drop off's Mon-Thurs so he is more involved with playground politics than me. He tells me that if he stands looking grumpy then no one comes to chat. His preference !!

"I dont have time to chat"

WTF do you expect from them then? I am painfully shy but when DS1 (10) started in reception I literally forced myself to talk to the other mothers because I knew I'd be with them a fair amount over the next 7 years. Personally I've never had a problem with this "cliquey" nonsense or feeling snubbed and it's not because I'm uber confident and gather people round me like bees round a honey pot.

I am one of those who chats until 11am

It's fab

I have met my best friends in the school playground. It took years before it happened, but there are two or three parents who I have gradually got to know over the years and they are now a very important part of my life.

Must admit,like seeker, I get quite annoyed by threads like this.

I am in exactly the same situation as Lockets. DS1 now in Yr3, have a great relationship with a number of mums. We babysit for each other, do coffee, boys sometimes play together, sometimes don't. We always arrange nights out and invite everyone but the same old faces turn up. What can you do!

Also, as I had fears of being 'left out'when DS1 started Reception, I deliberatley did the 'Hello, nice weather'thing in the playground as soon as he joined and it worked. We shall have to see if the same strategy works come Sep for DS2....

I read for an hour at the school and help with a craft club after school. I also work freelance from home and always have commissions on. The other two women who read with me have busy jobs, one is a nurse and the other owns a farm. We're not all competitive mindless gossips or bored wannabe teachers.

As they say - if you want something done ask a busy person..............

it's human behaviour though isn't it?

some people love to chat, some are quiet and prefer to be alone etc etc..

And while I'm ranting, I hope that the people who sneer at "PTA types" make sure that their children don't read the books, play with the toys, go on the trips, see the shows, use the whiteboards, go to the parties or sit in the garden that the money those oh-so-dull-no-lifes raise!

sorry"bought with the money those oh-so-dull-no-lifes raise"

squilly - I recognise the type because that's deffo my type!

So the ones with mates are annoyed at being described as "cliques" and the ones with no mates feel left out. Enlightening.

There is one mother in ds's class, who hangs around and chats to everyone, hogs the teacher's attention all the time. Her son is happily settled playing with something, so why does she not just leave?

Do people really worry about the other mums at the school gate? And if so, who is the one who needs to get a life?

I just walk up, smile at a few mums, say hi to some, arrange for one of the dc's friends to come to tea if required, kiss my dc goodbye and walk home.
I certainly don't stand there spotting 'types' and feeling inadequate or left out. There are groups who are good friends (dh's know eachother or they live near eachother)and it really does not bother me to not be in their group.
But maybe I am lucky - I have not noticed any real cliqueness at our school, or maybe I am just not looking!

Agree with hippi, and others etc.

Why stereotype? I think I could fit any one of those stereotypes from the characteristics presented- depending on the day. I volunteer to help out, I sometimes natter extensively with a mum if we have something to say to each other, sometimes I stand there and say nothing to anyone because I have nothing to say, sometimes I run to the school gate and drop him and run because we're late. Sometimes I just say hi to lots of people and nothing else. Sometimes I compare notes with other mums because I worry if ds1 is doing something normal because I have no other experience with being a parent of someone that age. I have friends but wouldn't talk much to other people because I have nothing in common with them... I agree with whoever it was who said mums at the school gate are just a group of people- a cross section of society. If you feel insecure, plunge in and talk to someone!

Agree with hippi, and others etc.

Why stereotype? I think I could fit any one of those stereotypes from the characteristics presented- depending on the day. I volunteer to help out, I sometimes natter extensively with a mum if we have something to say to each other, sometimes I stand there and say nothing to anyone because I have nothing to say, sometimes I run to the school gate and drop him and run because we're late. Sometimes I just say hi to lots of people and nothing else. Sometimes I compare notes with other mums because I worry if ds1 is doing something normal because I have no other experience with being a parent of someone that age. I have friends but wouldn't talk much to other people because I have nothing in common with them... I agree with whoever it was who said mums at the school gate are just a group of people- a cross section of society. If you feel insecure, plunge in and talk to someone!

This kind of whinging annoys me -in general, not specifically you, OP.

I didn't expect people to come racing up to me and introduce me to all their friends at University or Work, so why would I expect it at my child's school?

If you feel inadequate for some reason, you need to work on not feeling so, not blame others.

And why should the others who attended the PTA meeting thank you for coming? Did you thank them? You are a group of equals working together surely?