can't believe how cliquey school parents are! are their lives really that dull?

[mammablueeyes]

my dd is only in reception and I must say i was quite looking forward to her starting school and meeting the parents and her making some nice friends but I have found myself withdrawing more and more since september because they are in little groups and its all so uncomfortable and silly I just cant be arsed, is this norm?

[simplesusan]

TB- You should make yourself unavailable, always. Otherwise people will assume you are just showing off
Personally I am too tired after working to offer my services!

[simplesusan]

Oh forgot to mention another group, very similar to book reading show offs.
Those whose parents yell "Oh how have you done at spellings today!!!!!!!!!!! Oh 10 out of 10 FANTASTIC!!!!"

Like anyone else cares.

[happywomble]

I think some of the behaviour exhibited at the school gate is simply bad manners.

If you already know lots of people and can see new Mums standing on their own who have children starting in reception it should be normal to go and introduce yourself to them, find out about them and maybe introduce them to some one else you think they may get on with or have something in common with.

However the tendency is for people to stick to their existing groups and not make the effort to get to know others and make everyone feel part of the school.

Have also noticed that some people who have girls don't waste their time talking to the mothers of boys and vice versa.

Obviously after a couple of years one will have good friends and talk to some more than others but it would be nice at the begining if some people could be more open and friendly.

[lazylion]

I take my DS to a playgroup where barely any of the parents speak to each other. They all just stand there in silence, it is not what I expected at all. I often try to talk to the one nearest to me and most seem reasonable human beings. Then the next time I see them they don't speak to me again unless I make the first move. Are they robots? It's a bit miserable to be honest, if there were cliques at least I could have a go at gatecrashing one.

[Megglevache]

I think I might be one of the mums you all hate.

I didn't know anyone at ds's school when he first started I was ignored and all of the other parents appeared to know each other very well (used to holiday with each other etc as I would hear them guffawing loudly in the playground whilst I was norma no mates on a bench alone- what made it worse was that it is a very small class) There was one lady I took huge exception to in fact- she even ignored my one on one breezy hellos . I offered my help (as I have a younger dd)and joined various committees and helped out as much as I could, I got to know the so called clique who were a bunch of really lovely people, including my nemesis who I didn't like as she never spoke to me or gave me eye contact. Turns out she was incredibly shy and hated to talk to anyone she didn't know, we are now really close friends.

I've heard other mums and dads saying that the school is full of gangs and cliquey but these are the same people who can't be arsed to say a simple hello to me or my children as we walk up the road to school.

The reception year for next year have started coming in for taster sessions and I made them all cake and wrote a welcome letter saying who everyone was in the school and what they all did. They all looked very happy (maybe behind my back they are thinking I am a loony, bum lickey, wannabe teacher mummy. Or perhaps they thought banana and ginger cake was a toot combination.

I hope not, I just remember how awkward it was for me and I can be quite shy but but on a small talk front exceedingly well kind of person.

[kaz33]

I've been at this school for 4 years now, on too second child! I joined the PTA and got to know loads of people, so did try. I was the lonely kid at school who has grown up a lot and I have made a few good friends and have plenty of acquaintances.

But there a few cliques that I can't break into or indeed want to:

• the prayer / church group
• the aspirational / where are you going on holiday (they are as dull as dishwater)

Now, I maintain / build relationships with the kids who are friends with my boys and whose kids are accessible ie: don't have 5 clubs a week and who assess your kids for suitability. Other thing I do is let people know that I can always help out if they need a bit of childcare as a favour and ask for favours in return.

At school I found a lot of people dull and still do. No doubt they think the same of me but actually when I was 18 I realised that it was not a requirement of life for everyone to like you, now that I have given birth no reason to change myself