Starting reception, not reliably toilet trained

[arghhso]

Pains me to say it but we’re nearly two years down the line and unfortunately just not there yet.

I have tried the usual resources (ERIC etc) but that aside my worry is DS soiling himself at school. I’m mostly wondering what the procedure is then? Will I or DH be expected to come in to clean him up?

Forgiven. I know you are just trying to help too. Hope your neck improves soon!

I’m not a poo troll. I’m not sure what I’m being vague about - I haven’t done so intentionally but I am sometimes posting whilst doing other things 🤷‍♀️

You can get pants that have a lining, ai considered these for my son. A bit like those period pants you can get. So more like proper pants than pullups.
I would also maybe get him those packs of wet toilet papers and teach him to clean up himself too. You could probably give them also to the school for him to request when he goes to the loo. My son had special hand soap for example as the shcool one gave him a rash.

Please do consider talking privately to the teacher and asking what the procedure is (will you be expected to come in etc.).

The school will be used to it and it’s better to be informed (for both sides) rather than have it come as a suprise.

I'd just have a chat with the school, OP. Discussions about typicalness aside, your kid won't be the first who hasn't quite got toilet training nailed yet for reception.

PS the poo troll is one of my favourite Mumsnet phenomena and I am slightly disappointed that you aren't one, but I am prepared to forgive you

Have you spoken to the health visiting team? They may be more useful than the GP, and can refer to other clinics if needed

This is really helpful for ruling in / out constipation

eric.org.uk/how-fast-are-your-bowels-take-the-sweetcorn-test-to-find-out/

i would be concerned he had special needs or a development issue if he can’t be trained before the summer is over. You should see GP.

you will be expected to come in and clean him up, yes.

As I said on the first page, GP hasn’t helped.

I’d be interested to know how many of the ‘you’d be expected to clear him up’ posters actually are teachers of reception.

GP hasn’t been massively helpful.

from OP’s second post @simsbustinoutmimi

It’s great that you work in the school that OP’s son goes to though and can be so certain about what their expectations will be!

The thing is, it isn’t that he isn’t toilet trained. He will say he needs to go or goes independently sometimes.

What does happen a lot is near misses and also he doesn’t seem especially bothered if he does have an accident though this may be bravado; I don’t really know.

I think the school will judge u more for NOT contacting them, and sending him to start school with daily pooey pants !
speak to the school
GP / health visitor / school nurse team
and make the toilet training a priority

Well, give me a chance - he doesn’t start until September!

He’s coming up 5 years,
school closes for summer in a week or two ?
then you have 6 / 7 weeks til term starts ?
id suggest making the toilet training a daily priority -
reward / star chart / whatever reward for using the toilet
training him on the clean up operation when he isn’t using the loo -
up the cost / benefit of toilet training - unless there is SEN / medical issue - in which case activate contact with relevant services asap

He’s been toilet trained, @PolyVagalNerve . It’s a regression I guess.

Semantics … ?
but .. he is not toilet trained if he isn’t using the toilet !
you may have implemented training, but he isn’t trained -

It isn’t the same because toilet training is about showing them what to do when they need to pass urine or move their bowels so to speak - DS knows but he isn’t doing it. It isn’t clear at the moment whether he won’t or he can’t. I do think he’s being a bit lazy. He used to go to the toilet when told but lately he’s been going absolutely mental when told to so I haven’t been as much.

The thread is probably best left as I can see it’s being steered towards that sort of ‘you are a terrible parent who hasn’t bothered to potty train your child’ and I have! 😭

I’m not suggesting you are a terrible parent, I’m suggesting you have more work to do, more problem solving rather than resigning to him needing clean up from teachers / TA’s when he starts school -
Best of luck, don’t give up ! You need to resolve it

Can you wait. Isn’t reception optional and you can wait and go straight in at year 1.

What happens when he has an accident at home? I would be making him do as much as the work cleaning himself, changing his clothes and putting them in the wash as possible.

it needs to be less convenient for him to just go in his pants and have someone else clean him up and more confident for him to stop what he’s doing and actually go to the toilet. + him being able to sort himself out will help when it comes to accidents at school.

there also needs to be incentive, does he get a reward for using the toilet or having a day with no accidents?

Have you had a continence referral? Also I would speak to the school they will get an intimate care plan in place. I honestly would make sure you are doing everything you need to re him drinking enough, rewards etc. we have had the same as you and it seems once we pushed the drink and got nursery very onboard with everything we barely have any now. I feel your despair though as I had the same as you!

You actually think a child with no other needs should miss a whole year of education because of this? Seriously

We haven’t had a continence referral. I’m not suggesting it’s great but as far as the doctor etc are concerned all this is is a four year old often pooing / weeing in his pants not the toilet. He can and does go to the toilet but he also has a lot of accidents. I’m not saying that’s great but it doesn’t meet the threshold for alarm so to speak.

It’s been so long since we had a day with no accidents 🤦 😂 <despair not amusement> Generally though I’ve been advised against making it a big thing, just to swiftly move on.

Yeah he’s definitely ready for reception!