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Original poster

DD (8) not invited to a party, do I intervene?

147 replies

Mt15 · 06/04/2025 06:12

The last few weeks my DD has come home from school upset regarding another girls party in her class that she was not invited. She explained every other girl in the class had been invited but I thought this may have been an exaggeration. After this weekend I’ve seen pictures online of this party and she was indeed the only girl from her class not there.

I feel so gutted for her but at the same time shocked that another mum could allow to single one child out? And now I’m left thinking do I need to say something, I’m not sure how’s best to deal with this situation.

for some background information they aren’t the best of friends, and quite often have fall outs as they both have very strong personalities. However recently the other girls mum approached me and asked whether a play date would help them get along. Not long after that the mother asked if I would pick her daughter up as she couldn’t make pick up. So now I’m left feeling quite emotional and just generally gutted for my DD.

I have explained to my DD that unfortunately we don’t get along with everyone in life and may not always like everyone but it’s always important to be kind.

OP posts:
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BlondiePortz · 06/04/2025 06:43

No i would not say something parents don't have to be told who to invite, and you can say no in the future for favours from them

Octavia64 · 06/04/2025 06:45

I’m not sure how you plan to intervene.

presumably by speaking to the girls mum.

it sounds like there are good reasons why your DD wasn’t invited - presumably at that point they had had a falling out.

you can’t force other parents to invite your child to parties.

you’d be perfectly reasonable to stop doing favours though

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 06/04/2025 06:45

I think it’s very cruel and not a good way to help them get along. But maybe the mum was worried they would argue at the party?

Agree not to do anything but don’t do any more favours.

Beautifulbouquet · 06/04/2025 06:47

Why should anyone have to invite someone they don't get on with to their birthday?

It is appalling that you think the world needs to cater to your daughter's feelings

cryinglaughing · 06/04/2025 06:49

Don't bother talking to the mum, nothing good will come of it, you can't reason with people like that.

nwsw · 06/04/2025 06:50

I wouldn't say anything out of the blue. But next time she asks a favour just say and explain that singling your daughter out was so hurtful to your daughter, and you would never have done that to hers.

Leave it at that.

I agree you don't have to be forced to invite someone to a party. But it is wrong for every other girl to be there and only one not. It's cruel, shame on them.

LoudSnoringDog · 06/04/2025 06:55

It’s spiteful but my experience of having a girl after two boys is that girls are falling out ALL the time and to not get involved.

sunshineandshowers40 · 06/04/2025 06:59

Talking to the mother will only make things worse. Whilst you shouldn't have to invite anyone that you don't want to your party, leaving out one girl is unkind.

JustMarriedBecca · 06/04/2025 07:02

No. Similar situation here once upon a time. And even the TA went to this party. Honestly, it was a farce.

Encourage your daughter to be friends with the boys and friends outside of school. And prepare for a rough ride through to Year 6. Girls are BRUTAL.

Original poster
Mt15 · 06/04/2025 07:24

Beautifulbouquet · 06/04/2025 06:47

Why should anyone have to invite someone they don't get on with to their birthday?

It is appalling that you think the world needs to cater to your daughter's feelings

Appalling is a strong word, obviously I don’t expect everything is going to go her way. This is more of a suggestion post for people that have experienced similar situations, but thankyou for your input

OP posts:
PrincessOfPreschool · 06/04/2025 07:26

I think maybe the invitation got list if everyone came.

FrumptyHumpty · 06/04/2025 07:45

I'm sorry to hear this has happened OP. Given you have some kind of connection or relationship already with the other mum (you know each other well enough for her to ask you for favours, etc.), I think it's perfectly fine for you to raise the specific point of how every girl but your DD has been invited and how that affects group dynamics and your daughter. As a mum of DCs of a similar age, it's obvious that this has happened because the birthday girl has specifically asked her mum not to invite your DD so you need to be prepared for this. There is also, of course, the slim chance that there's been an oversight.

I would use this opportunity to ask the other mum if it's intentional despite the awkward situation that would ensue and also to use it to as a way to show and possibly teach your DD the importance of group dynamics, getting along with others and how/why this situation has likely come about.

Buttonknot · 06/04/2025 07:47

What did you say when the other girl's mum suggested a play date recently? Did the play date go ahead?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/04/2025 07:48

I wouldn’t say anything now, wait until she asks you for something. But ultimately it sounds like she just didn’t want a kid there that she’s not friends with…

evelynevelyn · 06/04/2025 07:57

It seems either the invitation got lost or the girls indeed had a falling out.

Given that the other parent seems quite proactive about trying to mend fences between the girls, she doesn’t seem like the bad guy here. Maybe her daughter begged her not to invite yours, and she decided ultimately that it wasn’t right to prioritise another girl’s feelings over her daughters, at least not on her birthday. Or maybe your daughter was in the wrong and she assumes you know why she wasn’t invited and was trying an olive branch.

Either way, I think you either ignore it (really pretty soon it will be normal to have non-whole-class parties), or raise the issue of your girls’ relationship with her in the spirit of a mutual project, not accusingly.

Elunajeya · 06/04/2025 07:58

If they clash, why do you want them to be friends?

Whatonearthdoiknow · 06/04/2025 08:01

I would say nothing. It’s lesson everyone needs to learn in life - sometimes it isn’t fair.
I would just explain that, whilst you understand she feels sad, it’s this other little girls party and she can choose who she wants. When it’s your dds party, she can do the same.

Mischance · 06/04/2025 08:05

I have 3 DDs and I never got involved in the endless fallings out that seemed to be the norm in their social world. Never. I would support them from my end but that was it.
Stay out of it!!!

Tbrh · 06/04/2025 08:09

Beautifulbouquet · 06/04/2025 06:47

Why should anyone have to invite someone they don't get on with to their birthday?

It is appalling that you think the world needs to cater to your daughter's feelings

Have a heart. It's pretty cruel to invite everyone except one person. Even an adult would feel terrible to be excluded in this manner. I don't think there is any point saying anything OP, just encourage your daughter to nurture other friendships

Violetparis · 06/04/2025 08:10

Don't say anything as there will be other parties you think your DD should be invited too and she won't be. It happens to all kids and it gets much worse when they are teenagers. It's part of life that you don't always get what you want or deserve.

You both have to put on a brave face and ride it out. Your DD and this other girl clash and don't get on, maybe the Mum just didn't want any drama at the party. I'd stop doing favours for this Mum though.

Pumpkincozynights · 06/04/2025 08:10

I wouldn’t say anything either. I absolutely disagree with leaving one child out. Either invite everyone or just a small group.
Some parents are horrible.
It’s a good life lesson to learn though. I believe it helps form resilience and trust me, your child will need that.

NowStartAgain · 06/04/2025 08:14

This is hard, sorry your DD is having a tough time. I wouldn’t say anything though.

I have a similar age DD who tends to not get invited to parties. Mine is quiet and nice, but not popular. I have never got the feeling talking to other mums about it would make the slightest bit of difference and would create a whole extra level of awkward. I’d reassure your DD it just doesn’t matter that much. And in 2 years, or 3, she’ll be at secondary school and she won’t have that much to do with these kids and you will have hardly anything to do with these parents.

beautyqueeen · 06/04/2025 08:21

What does them not getting on and having strong personalities look like?

If the girl is regularly coming home upset because of your DD (and visa versa) I can imagine saying right that’s it’s you need to keep apart so not sending an invite.

I wouldn’t want to risk some kid upsetting mine at her birthday party and wouldn’t never force her to invite someone she didn’t get along with.

4pmwinetimebebeh · 06/04/2025 08:25

It is appalling that you think the world needs to cater to your daughter's feelings

Oh behave. Its more appalling to leave one girl out of a party when they’re 8 years old imo.

Nevermindthebuzzard · 06/04/2025 08:30

They don't get on - why would the birthday girl want your dd there? They aren't friends. It's a good opportunity to teach your child that not everyone has to be friends. Of course you shouldn't speak to the mother about it.

We had a party for my dc and invited most of the class but not the kid that was picking on my dc. I'm sure their parent thought the issues were just their kid's strong personality too. Not saying your dd is picking on her, but it's very likely you don't know the full truth.

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