Primary School punch - AIBU?

[MovingMad87]

DD is in Year 1 (6 years old). A few days ago, I got a call from her school saying she had been punched in the face by a boy in her class, leaving her with a bleeding nose. Awful.

The school explained that DD had been trying to stop this boy from grabbing her friend by the neck. She asked him to stop and told him he should apologise. In response, he punched her. The school suspended him for a day before half-term as a result.

This boy has a history of violent behaviour; scratching, kicking, and punching other children. The school is aware of the issue but as of now haven't really done anything about it.

A few weeks ago, I overheard DDs form tutor telling a parent that their child had a bad day. The teacher had bruises down her leg from being kicked by a different child. While that wasn't the same boy, it reinforced my growing concern that this level of violence is being normalised in the classroom. When I asked DD about it, she wasn't even particularly shocked; apparently, incidents like this happen all the time.

Now, I'm thinking I need to move my child to another school. Possibly private, but I'd rather explore good state school options first. I'll hear what the school has to say in the meeting, but for me, a punch in the face is a red line. A 6-year-old should not be dealing with this. Either the school removes this child, or we leave.

AIBU? Would you move your child?

If a teacher removed the DCs wheelchair and told them to stop being naughty and get up and walk like the rest of the class, the DC became upset and lashed out. Would you blame the teacher or the parents?

Sadly this kind of behaviour has become normalised in many schools. Our LA has a non exclusion policy so i doubt the child would have been sent home.
We had a child like this a few years ago and it wasn't until one parent got a group together and said they were going to the police and the press that anything was done about it.

Hope you get a satisfactory solution as it's just not on.

I’m not sure why you’re focusing on this one child. We weren’t talking about them. This is in response to the OP. Why didn’t you talk about all of those things the school must do first and explain why it’s not appropriate to discuss those things with random parents?

@Ritzybitzy they need support and more often than not it is not a parenting issue

Yes, the school environment is a factor of course, but a child's behaviour is always a parenting concern, directly or indirectly.

We are not going to agree on this.
Enjoy the rest of your day.

I was responding to your incorrect assertion that we as a school had jumped straight to PEX, and also pointing out that I have never seen a school jump straight to PEX. Admittedly this doesn’t suit your narrative of Evil Schools trampling over children, but here we are.

You are more than welcome to discuss what schools need to do first and why they can’t necessarily discuss that with other parents and perhaps you are better placed to do that than I am, given it is what you do for a living.

. It is rare your child will get through school never being hit or kicked. You are very naive to think that another school will not have a violent kid.

A concern is not the same as fault. I never said parents shouldn’t be involved in support plans but it is not always the fault of the parent for a multitude of reasons. Often for kids with SEN they are absolutely fine in the home environment and need reasonable adjustments or more enhanced support to access school.

My narrative of what? I never said anything of the sort. 😂

As a wheelchair user, it's incredibly offensive to see our situation compared to violently injuring young children.

The analogy is if you remove support you remove access. Different needs require different access. It’s simple. Give people what they need. Create equity. You don’t exclude people because they have needs.

It seems schools up & down the country have similar issues but that doesn’t help the kids that are victims in these scenarios.

my DS is 7 and we have had ongoing issues with his school since pretty much day 1. He has had his face scratched drawing blood, He has been strangled by a child only stopped because another child spotted and got the teacher despite there being 5 adults in the class at the time, a different child pinched his throat on 2 occasions, a child has attempted to cut his hair, and most recently a child who I’ve asked that he is kept away from slapped in the mouth causing it to bleed.

Ive had numerous meetings, complained to the previous head( we have a new one now) complained to the governors and got no where. I confronted the parent of the child who strangled my DS just for them complain and lie to the school who threatened to ban me. Luckily I could prove it was lies what the parent had said but none the less the school couldn’t see why I had confronted the parent after their lack of action.

My DS is currently on waiting list for other schools is the area which are all full so it’s a waiting game. I had 1 child go all through primary and secondary even attended the same primary as my DS and never had 1 issue like this. Children’s behaviour these days is a whole new world and in my opinion parents are not disciplining and leaving it to schools who do not have the ability, time or funding to correct so much behaviour .

@MovingMad87 hope your DD is ok?

The point is that adaptations needed should be in place for all disabled DC, not just for the ones where it is clearly obvious. It is not fair to blame the child when their needs aren't being met.

Look, your reaction is completely normal in the circumstances. Your child has been hurt. You want blood.

What I'm trying to explain is that the school's hands are tied. They are unable to issue the level of punishment you think is acceptable (PEX). You know of school gate tittle tattle from other parents. The only incident you truly know the ins and outs of is this one and rightly so. He's not your child. You should only be party to how the incident involving your child has been dealt with.

You say a punch in the face crosses the line and clearly school agree, which is why they suspended him on this occasion. They won't have taken that action lightly.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that your anger with the school is misplaced. Of course you have every right to be angry your child has been hurt. School have dealt with it in accordance to their behaviour policy. They could not permanently exclude him. That was out of the question. Whether you agree with that or not, it's not the school's fault that they can't just wash their hands of him.

Nobody is normalising violence, just sympathising with the schools who are having to put up with this crap on a daily basis. Dammed of they do, dammed if they don't. Schools shouldn't have to be putting up with violent children. Other children shouldn't be faced with violence in school. Yet here we are. It happens. There is no magical solution because yes it sadly is happening everywhere (except maybe private schools, not because they are 'better' but simply because their hands aren't tied like state schools. It's much easier for them to 'get rid').

Society is broken. The school system is broken. It's not ok, but what realistically do you think the school can do? Do you think schools are happy their staff and pupils face these situations daily? You won't find another school which can guarantee your child will never be hurt, because sadly those guarantees cannot be made. It's sht. Truly sht.

My point is, don't go kicking off at people who I'm sure wish they could do a lot more to make up for what happened to your daughter, but can't. People who are probably sick to the back teeth of fending off complaints about this child, knowing they want to do more to help both him and the rest of the children, but sadly can't on the limited resources they have. It's likely that this school is completely the wrong setting for this child. There are protocols to follow though. A suspension is a big step towards them admitting "we are struggling to manage this child's behaviour and meet his needs" and "he needs to be absent from school while we put further steps in place in order to safeguard the rest of our pupils". It's still a long way off PEX, and there are sadly so many more hoops to jump through, but it is a big step. Believe me when I say, the school are definitely taking this incident seriously.

You said in a previous comment that schools often don’t attempt to implement any advice. Believe it or not, most schools are desperate for help and support. We have also frequently seen advisors come in with little understanding about how difficult it is to implement their ideas in a real primary school, that often has multiple challenging children at any one time.

No one is saying that we shouldn’t attempt to meet the needs of these children. What we are saying is that there is an increasing number of children whose needs cannot and should not be met in mainstream, and it is absolutely not fair for other children and staff to have to deal with the fallout of these behavioural issues. Meeting the needs of those children cannot be the priority of a school to the detriment of everyone else.

@shockeditellyou the situation you describe to me is insane. That's actually mad. Poor HT.

@ButIToldYouSoooo - I honestly don't know what schools do if the parents can't admit there is an issue.

Because many don’t. Which is well known.

@shockeditellyou I also don't understand why people think it's acceptable for everyone else's education to suffer as a result. How can the other children learn in this environment?

The HT has since taken early retirement, and we lost a fabulous educator.

I was involved with another situation (different school) where a child had broken a teacher’s wrist, and the LA tried the “not meeting needs” spiel.

Here’s the thing. Early intervention makes a difference. Kids who struggle massively in early years and KS1 are not fully cooked and with the right support will thrive. It is essential you start with support and go from there. For the minority no amount of support in a mainstream will help but that is the tiny minority.

@Sunnyandshiney - not sure I have much choice anymore! I'm not waiting around for it to happen again....

We need parents to lobby their MPs for more funding especially for SEN, but also increased support from outside schools. For many children school is the only place families get support and as can be seen here that support is limited and usually to the detriment of everyone in school.

A large number of the children lashing out at other children are reacting to the school setting. They are not happy and need to be somewhere else, smaller classes, more staff, but these places are limited

Thankyou!

Exactly. I cannot sit back and just wait for it to happen again. I've had a warning and I think as a responsible parent I have to act. Not sure i could forgive myself if I let her stay and it a) happened again or b) it got worse 😫

Exactly. I can't stand the idea that my child should just have to put up with it because nothing can be done.