Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

School is making it worse

150 replies

Sadmummlaugh · 15/11/2024 06:19

I hope someone can help me. My son 8 started a new school a few months ago. He can be tough to deal with but we assume it's no different to other 8 yo. Unfortunately the school before He started already labled him as a problem child. My son is not violent, agressive and mostly very polite. He gets along well with everyone and has loads of friends. He just needs help with following instructions on the spot. He is trying so so hard to do well but he just emotionally he cant. They allocated an a support person who follows him around everywhere. They r with him all day everyday. It's never the same person. The school gives us some BS about they r there to keep him safe and to be his advocate. I've seen with my own eyes that they r watching him like a hawk. They hover over him, they r telling him what to do all the time do this don't do that... they never give him an opportunity. From what I've seen and heard they just want to control his behaviour. It's literally like jail for the poor kid. Things looked like it was improving and now his behaviour at school has spiked so much and I don't know what to do. At home he's different too. He's can't stop moving about, he's increased self soothing like chewing nails, rocking, spinning and getting frustrated really easily to the point where he is bending backwards and pushing the ground. I've never ever seen him do that before. I believe the excessive limitations is causing a change in him and not in a good way. I have spoken to the school every week and they just keep escalating their discipline which then makes his behaviour worse. Even the after school carers r noticing a difference .
I would love some advice on what I can do to help mu son at school. I obviously can't be there but besides trying to talk some sense to the school I'm stumped. Please any advice.
Thx, Worried mum

OP posts:
RosieLeaf · 15/11/2024 06:21

Has he been assessed for any additional needs?

Lulu1919 · 15/11/2024 06:22

Speak to the SENDCO
He or she will have some ideas and or strategies and more important advice.

Cantfindanavailablename · 15/11/2024 06:22

Sounds like your boy is having a really tough time. Schools don't give a 1:1 without good reason. Id start pushing for a consistent adult so he can build up a relationship with them

TeenToTwenties · 15/11/2024 06:28

we assume it's no different to other 8yo

I think you need to get that idea out if your head.

If they are effectively giving him a 1-1 (without an EHCP???!!) then this is VERY different.

Talk to the senco, explain the changes you are seeing at home. Chat to your DS first. The school may need to adjust their strategy, but you need to accept there is something going on.

Hercisback1 · 15/11/2024 06:29

He can be tough to deal with but we assume it's no different to other 8 yo

I think this assumption isn't helping. He has a 1:1 at school, very few 8yos nation wide have this. He will likely be one of 3-4 in the school with this provision. His behaviour isn't that of a normal 8yo.

He needs assessing for additional needs, speak to the SENCO.

The change of school will have been unsettling too. He's had to adjust to new rules, routines and expectations.

GrumpyCactus · 15/11/2024 06:30

What was the reason for him moving school?

I suspect as worried as you are there is some denial going on here as schools don't just have spare staff to assign to be a childs 1-1 without good reason especially not from the first day he arrived.

It would be reasonable to ask that the person with him is consistent but there is obviously some reason behind him having 1-1 support and it's not because someone thinks he's a trouble maker.

Sirzy · 15/11/2024 06:31

Schools don’t provide 1-1 for no reason. You need to work with the school

gummania · 15/11/2024 06:33

I am presuming this “it’s like jail for him” is coming from him?

gummania · 15/11/2024 06:33

The school sound very very concerned about your son and what he might be capable of doing to other children

gummania · 15/11/2024 06:34

What was the reason for him moving school?

I don’t expect it was the Op’s decision

gummania · 15/11/2024 06:35

Unfortunately the school before He started already labled him as a problem child.

On the basis of him being expelled from his previous school for violent behaviour. Yes?

Lemonadeand · 15/11/2024 06:35

I would be very interested to hear the school’s perspective on this. 1-1 costs an absolute fortune. Schools don’t throw that level of support around unless they have to.

gummania · 15/11/2024 06:35

but we assume it's no different to other 8 yo.

I would wager that it is very different to other 8 year olds

NautilusLionfish · 15/11/2024 06:38

Hercisback1 · 15/11/2024 06:29

He can be tough to deal with but we assume it's no different to other 8 yo

I think this assumption isn't helping. He has a 1:1 at school, very few 8yos nation wide have this. He will likely be one of 3-4 in the school with this provision. His behaviour isn't that of a normal 8yo.

He needs assessing for additional needs, speak to the SENCO.

The change of school will have been unsettling too. He's had to adjust to new rules, routines and expectations.

This op. School resources are too constrained for them to give one on one for no reasons. And different two schools cannot have a problem with him if his behavioural issues are minor. There us no way you see his whole school day for you to make the conclusions you are making about how they control him whole day.
However changing person every day (if indeed they do this) will not be helpful. Speak to sendco but be open minded and fair when you do this. Sounds like he needs professional assessment and tailored support

GrumpyCactus · 15/11/2024 06:40

gummania · 15/11/2024 06:34

What was the reason for him moving school?

I don’t expect it was the Op’s decision

It seems unlikely I suspect that's what's triggered him having a 1-1 as they have spoken to his previous school and decided that's the only way they can manage his behaviour.

Theunamedcat · 15/11/2024 06:46

Explain to the school they need to give him the opportunity to make his own choices and decisions he will learn nothing unless they do they can stand there and intervene if needed

Jifmicroliquid · 15/11/2024 06:48

He’s not like a normal 8 year old boy because he has a 1 to 1 with him constantly. You need to speak to the school.

MeadStMary · 15/11/2024 06:51

Children who behave appropriately for their age and just struggle to follow instructions sometimes do not get 1to1 support at all times in school. It's unheard of.

For a start it costs the school crazy money so they won't put it in place unless they have no choice. It is for children who need it either because they struggle to get through the day without constant guidance and support or because they are a danger to themselves and/or others.

I'm sorry OP but you seem to be completely in denial. You need to have a frank and honest conversation with the SENCO.

starpatch · 15/11/2024 06:52

It's does sound like he has additional needs ( rocking and spinning at home is unusual behaviour). I think I would still find an alternative primary school though, go and visit a few and choose one that is more relaxed.

BrightLemonShark · 15/11/2024 06:54

If a school are allocating a full time 1 to 1 TA to a child without an EHCP then you must be aware of why and the school must have asked you to begin the assessment process- no school has the funding/staffing to do this unless it is desperately needed.

I wonder is this a managed move and the 1 to 1 is to ensure it is successful.

Whatever the circumstance your son clearly needs a lot of support and you need to work with school to help him.

AubergineAardvark · 15/11/2024 06:55

So, he has SEN of some form. Quite what variety needs to be determined. The behaviour you are seeding is because his needs aren’t being met and/or because his needs haven’t been met in the past. Push for him to get assessed, although this can take a while. The school will probably want him to get an EHCP to cover the funding for the 1:1 as it sounds like they are funding it themselves.

Push for a consistent or two consistent 1:1s. A constant stream of different people will not be helpful to your son. The TAs should not be micro-managing him, although with some kids who are in the wrong setting all they can do is try and keep everyone safe. Unfortunately many TAs are inexperienced and stop kids from even trying to do things themselves.

PigInADuvet · 15/11/2024 06:55

I had to fight tooth and nail the 1:1 support my autistic child with ADHD with an EHCP needed. That level of support isn't given out easily, particularly without the additional funding needed.

@Sadmummlaugh you need to arrange a meeting with the SENCO quickly, go in with an open mind (you already seem quite combative?) and (respectfully) get your head out of the sand. The only person who will lose out otherwise is your son.

HMW1906 · 15/11/2024 06:58

Honestly OP, schools don’t just give out 1 to 1s for fun, they cost schools a lot of money and parents often have to fight to get one. The fact he automatically has one from day one means there’s likely more to this story and the reasons behind him changing school and that it’s not ‘like normal 8 year old behaviour’). It sounds like you need to work with the school (and other professionals) to get to the bottom of your sons issues and find the best help for him not just go in weekly to complain about him having a one to one.

autienotnaughty · 15/11/2024 07:18

Speak to the senco ask for an assessment. Do you know how much a 1:1 costs? My ds is significantly autistic and has full funding which still doesn't fully cover a full time 1:1 position (but they still provide it) There's no way the school are doing it because your child is a typical 8 year old.

Instead of fighting the school, work with them. Speak to the teacher about things that help your child at home. Ask for him to go on the sen register.

I'd be grateful they are putting support in place (even if what that support looks like needs tweaking) the other route they could go down is the exclusion route.

Littletreefrog · 15/11/2024 07:25

They are not doing this because they have nothing better to do. This is an extremely expensive exercise. Is he undergoing assessments?

Swipe left for the next trending thread