School is making it worse

[Sadmummlaugh]

I hope someone can help me. My son 8 started a new school a few months ago. He can be tough to deal with but we assume it's no different to other 8 yo. Unfortunately the school before He started already labled him as a problem child. My son is not violent, agressive and mostly very polite. He gets along well with everyone and has loads of friends. He just needs help with following instructions on the spot. He is trying so so hard to do well but he just emotionally he cant. They allocated an a support person who follows him around everywhere. They r with him all day everyday. It's never the same person. The school gives us some BS about they r there to keep him safe and to be his advocate. I've seen with my own eyes that they r watching him like a hawk. They hover over him, they r telling him what to do all the time do this don't do that... they never give him an opportunity. From what I've seen and heard they just want to control his behaviour. It's literally like jail for the poor kid. Things looked like it was improving and now his behaviour at school has spiked so much and I don't know what to do. At home he's different too. He's can't stop moving about, he's increased self soothing like chewing nails, rocking, spinning and getting frustrated really easily to the point where he is bending backwards and pushing the ground. I've never ever seen him do that before. I believe the excessive limitations is causing a change in him and not in a good way. I have spoken to the school every week and they just keep escalating their discipline which then makes his behaviour worse. Even the after school carers r noticing a difference .
I would love some advice on what I can do to help mu son at school. I obviously can't be there but besides trying to talk some sense to the school I'm stumped. Please any advice.
Thx, Worried mum

So you asked for 1to1 support, the school has managed to cobble it together with no additional funding, and now you're complaining about it?

In most cases, parents have to fight tooth and nail to get 1to1 support for their child because it is so expensive and difficult for the school to provide. It needs an EHCP and funding agreed, which parents and schools have to jump through hoops for.

You need to get your head out of the sand OP. Refusing to do as their told and running off to hide are not "normal" behaviours for an 8yo. Stop complaining to the school about what you're unhappy with when they have bent over backwards to try to support you and your child. Go in there with the attitude of "I really appreciate what you have put in place for my son. I'm so glad that we are able to work together to give him the support that he needs. I think it would be beneficial for the TA to step back a bit at play times to give him space to develop his social skills independently."

Also children do go through a major brain change around this age and he may start presenting with new issues.

You r very unhelpfu and judgemental. Pls do not respond to my posts. Everyone else has been very sensitive and helpful and your comments r hurtful and filled with judgement.

1:1 is rare and very expensive so will only happen if absolutely necessary and after proper assessments and funding applications. Getting this level of support is a battle, so there must be sound reasons.
You seem locked in conflict with the school and there is a need for a proper meeting where you get the chance to listen to their side and hear their views. They will have sound reasons from their point of view. Do not forget they have a safeguarding duty to all the pupils as well as their duty to help your son.
If after that you still feel they are wrong then you may need to take it further and look at other options for your son.

@Sadmummlaugh The simple fact is there's absolutely no way the school would be providing a 1-1 outside, unless there were genuine reasons for doing so. There's no point sticking your head in the sand and denying there are any problems, as it's clearly not true.

OP with the hoovering and the bending backwards and pushing the ground it really sounds like he is seeking out pushing/pulling activities or 'heavy work'. This info can really help a 1 to 1 plan what to do with him.

Is there any chance of an ot assessment with someone who knows sensory integration.

What I'm asking is for the classroom to continue with full support and lessen the playground. Even the teacher said that he's fine during playtime so I'm confused about what they're doing reducing classroom support

If the teacher agrees that he’s fine during playtime, then it’s likely that they are just taking things slow and will remove the 1-1 support gradually depending on how he copes.

He’s had a big change by moving schools and you say he struggles more than other kids. He’s waiting for a diagnosis and you have pushed for 1-1 support in the classroom.
He isn’t a neurotypical child and they may think that removing that support too soon is going to be bad for him but if they aren’t concerned about his behaviour at break times, then they will eventually remove it.

They may be doing it gradually and/or waiting for an official diagnosis.

I've had similar where my sons ta was hovering around him constantly at play and break times and making him worse cos he felt different and not able to join in, we spoke about it and they moved back a bit and it really did help

Well you need to ask the senco this.

We have also mentioned that if he has to know the person to feel comfortable in being able to share and sit with them. He's previous school and teacher was fantastic and we worked with the school really well. We didn't see an escalation of his behaviour and in fact it got better. We collaborated strategies. Of course there were still issues but they were handled really well. They were also very empathetic of our situation and really understood the background and made a really effort. This school however is my way or the highway and that's where my frustration lies.

I teach this age. I agree with those who've suggested you might be minimising here. Schools don't provide this level of 1:1 without very good reason and, whilst it's true that a consistent person is preferable, staffing levels (be that availability, cost OR a difficulty in getting staff to work with a child whose behaviour may be challenging) this may be all they can offer at the moment. I have seen instances of poorly-trained staff "pecking" at children - not literally/physically but hovering over them and pissing them off so I can see why your ds might object to that.

Have you seen the individual learning plan (or whatever your son’s school calls it)? You and your son should have had some input on this

U r not correct

Teachers and TAs don’t go into such a difficult and poorly paid job so they can bully children and ‘look like heroes’. Seriously, get a grip.

That's the tricky part. It's the only school in our area and it's got an excellent rating.

He has so many friends. Whenever I drop him off or pick him up kids r always shouting his name and crowding around him to play. But the support is just always there.

Thanks. I guess we just have to keep working with the school. The after school care is also concerned about what the school has put in place for him because they've also notice a change in his behaviour and that by the time they pick him up hrs running around doing laps just to get the energy out.

Are you in England? If so, have you applied for an Education, Health and Care Needs Assessment and has that happened?

From what you've said the level of supervision school have put in place, has been the same since day 1. So why are afterschool club commenting about changes in his behaviour, when they've never known him to have a different level of supervision?

I think you have a fair point but you need to work with the school to get the best outcome. Children this age often dislike having a 1:1 in the playground with them as they feel self conscious about it. This is a good sign as it is developmentally normal. I would ask the school if they can trial having the support from a distance at break time. You might just have an over keen 1:1 who is trying to too hard.

I also think people are being a bit mean to OP. Most parents see the best in their children and that is how it should be.

This is what we don't know. When he started at the new school he had his usual transition settling in week and he started to show signs of calmer behaviour in the classroom room where he was able to sit and do the work, follow instructions he even received rewards to help boost positive behaviour and it seemed to be working. But over the last few weeks things started to get unsettled again and we can't get a clear picture from the school if anything else changed in the classroom. We r trying so hard to work with the school but just don't give us consistent information

When and why did you start pushing for the 1-1 support in the classroom?

Did he also have this in the old school?

A school wouldn't provide a 1-1 TA when there's no reason to do so. You say he had weeks of calmer behaviour, what does this look like? Is it reduced instances of shouting out and running off, or zero?

How did he behave at his old school, and please be honest. As the level of support he's getting suggests there's a lot more to the situation than you're sharing.

It's reasonably normal for children who have changed schools to be very very well behaved in the first week or two.

It's a new situation, they are worried, they don't know anyone, they aren't quite sure what will happen so they are on best behaviour.

As they get more used to the school and get to know the people a bit then they relax a bit and come off best behaviour. (Nobody can maintain that for more than a few weeks anyway it's too exhausting for he child)

So the fact that he was well behaved for the first week/couple of weeks is not too surprising.

In terms of what could be done:
Talk to the school. They've given him a 1:1 which you asked for. Ask them to back off a bit in the playground. School will either say yes or explain why not.

He might find sensory circuits helpful. Really there should be some occupational therapy input at this point (you can see them privately if necessary).

I'm presuming from the fact you say adhd has been mentioned that you have started some kind of assessment process. This should go in parallel - so medical assessment process (adhd or ASD or both) and school and you applying for an EHCP to fund the support for his needs in school.