My Experience So Far...
My DS was born in July and takes a bit of time to open up. He attends a nursery that prepares kids for assessments, and his teachers are confident that his skills are on par, provided he can overcome the initial hurdle of adjusting to an unfamiliar environment. He is also bilingual, with English being the weaker of his two languages.
Our first assessment was at Highgate in November. I found them to be very understanding. They had a transition room where children could stay with their parents until they felt comfortable enough to go inside. There were eight kids in our assessment batch, both boys and girls. Four of them were very confident—they shook hands with the teacher, introduced themselves, and went straight in. The remaining four, including my DS, stayed in the transition room with their parents. Each parent was trying to negotiate or convince their child to go in, while the teachers made efforts to engage the kids with toys.
After about five minutes, my DS and another girl decided to go in. Two boys, however, were in full meltdown mode. Eventually, one of them went in after 15 minutes, but the last boy never entered. I overheard the teacher telling his dad that they could try again another day.
When DS came out, he was very happy and said there were lots of toys and that he enjoyed his time. A few days later, we got the results: he didn’t make it to round two. I was disappointed, but since it was his first assessment, I remained hopeful.
Next was UCS. Their invitation email stated that if you couldn’t make the allotted time slot, they wouldn’t offer an alternative due to the volume of applications. It was -3°C that morning, and we had to wait outside for 15 minutes before our slot. DS needed to use the bathroom, which seemed to annoy the teacher. She led us to a WC in an exasperated manner, and by the time we returned, most of the kids had already gone inside except 2 boys who were crying and were reluctant to go inside.
The teacher quickly took DS by the hand and led him in without allowing him to say goodbye, which made me nervous. To be fair, they had mentioned in their open house that they prefer to separate kids from parents quickly to avoid prolonged goodbyes. I stayed around for 5–7 minutes and was assured by the teacher at the door that DS had settled in well and did not cry at all.
However, 15 minutes later, I received a call saying he was crying and needed to be picked up. When I arrived, 3 minutes later, I found DS and another boy sitting with a teacher who was reading them a story. They both looked upset but weren’t crying. Although DS agreed to go back in, the teacher refused, saying there was no point as he was “not following instructions”. The other boy’s mother told me that the two kids who were crying in the beginning were never let in.
We emailed the school asking for another chance (though I knew it was unlikely), but they didn’t respond.
Finally, we had The Hall. By this time, DS had started to adjust to the idea of going to new schools for “playdates.” He didn’t cry or resist, but he was still too nervous to greet the teachers or introduce himself like some of the other kids. He spent the entire time inside and came out happy.
Surprisingly, we received a rejection the very next day, even though their assessment period isn’t complete—I know a child who is 8 months older than DS has their assessment on January 25th. I had assumed they assessed older kids first, so I was confused by the timing as well. That said, the school was very sweet, and their email invite included a video explaining the process and showing the classroom, which helped DS feel prepared. While I was disappointed, I don’t have any complaints about their process.
I’m not overly worried, as DS already has places in two good schools—one that doesn’t assess kids and another that does but also accepts kids with the right connections (as do all these schools BTW). Given my and DH’s backgrounds, I’m confident DS will excel in STEM, regardless of which school he attends.
That said, I feel this entire process is unnecessary. While I understand that these schools are oversubscribed and need a way to filter applicants, a lottery system could achieve the same result without the stress. In fact, it would also reduce the burden on schools to manage such a cumbersome process. Moreover, no one could argue that a lottery system is less transparent than the current process, especially since schools neither provide feedback nor have the resources to do so.
In addition, to go through this process again at 7+ and 11+ seems excessive. It might be justified if UK education system consistently produced the best talent globally, but in my experience, Oxbridge graduates don’t compare as well to their counterparts from India, China, the US, or even Europe atleast in STEM fields.
Another observation: schools claim to support bilingual kids and those who cry or need time to adjust. However, this doesn’t align with reality. They’re oversubscribed and lack the patience or resources to make real accommodations. Parents who’ve been through this process before often switch to speaking only English at home to improve their child’s chances, which speaks volumes.
The purpose of this rant is to:
(a) Make myself feel better 😉
(b) Reassure other parents of “rejected” kids that they’re not alone
(c) Provide insight for parents yet to go through this process
(d) Encourage everyone to reflect on this system and evaluate their choices
I don’t expect parents to stop aspiring for these schools (nor will I), but I hope this offers some perspective on the outcomes of this process.