Told my 4 year old is behind at school

[dual90]

So yesterday we went to parents evening at my DD school. I kind of knew it wouldn’t be all that positive because a week before we had been invited into the school to view one of the classes. My DD was not her best that day, crying and clingy. I noticed she was being placed at the front of the class which I know isn’t a good sign! I come from an education background- so I’m well aware of certain words like ‘interventions’ etc.

My DD is one of the youngest in the class, so she’s on the bottom 5th age bracket as she is a summer baby. The teacher just seemed to focus on the negatives, but threw in she plays well and is happy! But then launched into she’s struggling with the learning and is not ‘retaining’ and information! I did challenge her on this as at home she makes all the sounds for phonics and recognition letters. She’s also been deemed as bright in nursery and counting to 20 since she was 2! She’s interested in numbers and counts a lot and she’s been doing this for a while. She then says she didn’t recognise numbers, again we challenged her on that too as she does recognise them at home. She seemed a little baffled and kept saying she was ‘behind her peers’.

For a start I thought most learning in reception was play based and we would t have this kind of pressure this early only 4 weeks into term and being told she is not matching up! I did say to the teacher that developmentally there is going to be huge differences in learning just by the sheer difference in age for some of the children, she firstly agreed with that then contradicted it by saying she has other kids the same age who are coping fine. But we still said she seems to be doing fine with these things when she’s at home. We also have no idea what it is she is supposed to be learning. She says she’s in a small ‘intervention’ group. I find this concerning that this is already happening and quite worried she will be pigeon holed straight away and this young age. She had never had a problem learning and nobody had flagged this before, in fact I’d say the opposite. Her speech is better than some children that are 2 years older than her. I had reservations about sending her this year anyway, I felt she may not be ready but she really wanted to go. I also am slightly dissolution ed with whole school system anyway, so for me it’s sadly confirmed many reservations I’ve had. I do not want her to be off as a 4 year old and she’s already had a very tough start in life.

The teacher says if she doesn’t catch up now the gap will get bigger, I found this a very negative thing to say. I know in other countries they don’t even start this stuff until 6 or 7? And they do just fine. But straight away the pressure is on. We will try and help her catch up, but just this morning after the teacher said she didn’t recognise numbers we nearly filmed her doing it as she recognised them all!! And she has done for a long time. I did point out to the teacher that she just doesn’t know the name of the game yet and that she needs to know these things, so it’s more immaturity than anything else.

any thoughts or advice

If what you are saying is right, which I don't doubt. Could it be that either the teacher has mixed up the children? Or that your daughter is just shy and not showing off what she can do.

Have you considered showing the teacher the film of your DD doing these things at home? I think you should because if she's doing them at home but not in school, you could ask the teacher what she thinks the problem is about school? I really think the teacher needs to see your DD in action outside of the classroom environment.

OUT OF THE NORM?

I DISAGREE I KNOW MY DAUGHTER BETTER THAN THE TEACHER

I am her parent, she teaches lots of children, I don't doubt her as a teacher, I am sure she is great, but I do have a right to challenge her observations and I have a right to disagree with those observations. She did not say she was out of the norm, and no I won't just blindly accept something that will mainly be arbitrary due to a box ticking exercise, because a child has to have reached a certain standard, as many on here have pointed out. She will likely catch up, if she had been slightly more positive and less of trying to cause stress I would have been slightly more supportive. I will advocate for my daughter, there are 30 kids in the class and she is one of the youngest, this according tp you has no bearing.

My son is an August baby and we moved abroad when he was 4. It was hard work but every night I worked with him on the alphabet, numbers and spelling in the language of the new country. At 4 he knew no words in the foreign language. By 6 he was one of the best in his class in vocabulary, reading, maths and grammar too.

What are you saying? I am lying?

I think she doesn't understand that she needs to know these things or isn't that bothered by doing it in school.

OP, I would be so upset in your place! My DS has also just started reception but is five already. It's the fourth week for him and everything is still so new!!! I don't think they've done any phonics or maths and AFAIK the classroom doesn't even have desks! I'd be raging at the unfairness of her being judged and found lacking at such an early age, give the poor kid a chance!!! My first thought was to find a different school, as this is an insane level of academic pressure. They can't even wipe their own bums yet, FFS!

When you say she's "at the front of the class" you don't mean they're sitting in rows, do you?

If they’d done the baseline (government mandated-they have no choice in this) which flagged up that she was struggling in certain areas and they did nothing and didn’t mention it to you, would you have been happier?

@dual90 There really is not always a huge difference between summer born DC and others. It’s not always obvious at all. I’ve seen very immature September born DC. I sometimes think that people expect summer borns to be behind so treat them differently. The teachers can treat them like nursery Dc with low expectations. So more playing, starting on books later, assume they cannot get changed for PE or follow instructions etc. My DD is August born and (in our day) didn’t go to school until January but was not distinguishable from the DC who were nearly a year older. I would say plenty of her summer born classmates were equally “ahead”. It was not remotely obvious who was summer born at all except in a few cases.

So I think it’s inevitable some other summer borns will not be wanting to play and will settle in to the structure of school really quickly. It’s also likely that some autumn borns have not settled.

I would have a further meeting with the teacher to clarify what DDs not so good at after her initial assessment. See what they intend to do regarding intervention and ask them to guide you regarding home support and intervention working in tandem. I’m sure you know that not all Dc show what they can do in class when it’s not 1:1 as at home. The teacher should meet with you regarding an intervention explanation anyway. I really would not worry either. There really is a long way to go.

It’s obviously not true that all Dc catch up to the same level though or all would get the same sats scores!

How is your DD doing socially at school, right now that would be the most important factor?
if she is getting intervention it could be a good thing as ultimately it could also give her the confidence to show her abilities, there is a massive difference in a home setting where they are getting all the attention.
it is full on in reception they have to follow the curriculum unfortunately but teachers recognise v early who could do with a little bit more help.
I think perhaps you’re thinking you made a mistake by sending her to school and that’s playing into everything

Did she go to playgroups , if so how was she when they sat in a group for singing or activities etc when a level of concentration was needed?

The school system in this country baffles me, she is only 4 ffs, where I am from kids don't start school until they are 6 or 7 and graduate at the same age as in the UK. No wonder there is so much anxiety and mental health problems at a younger and younger age given that little kids as young as 4 are being pressured to "perform" after only 6 weeks in a completely new environment. Utterly ridiculous! I would challenge that teacher's view bordering ineptitude.

To be honest I think I can see a difference straight away, for most children .

She has been fine socially, always has been.

She went to nursery, and no, ll reports were glowing and nothing at all to say she lacks concentration or 'behind'.

No, that is not what I AM SAYING, Fistly I had no idea there would be an assessment and secondly and am slightly gobsmacked we are doing this so early. It may be government mandated, doesn't really mean it is right.

Just ignore this teacher, she doesn't know what she's on about.

I hope you make that film of her doing things - I really think her teacher needs to see it. Also, could you make an appointment to see the teacher again and ask more about the recent assessment that's been done. It's the Reception Baseline Assessment and she should be able to give you examples of the sorts of tasks your daughter was given (she won't show you the exact test) which resulted in the judgement that your DD is below her peer group. We all know there's a difference between being able to do things and being tested on whether we're able to do things. Maybe she's just distracted in school or tired. I wouldn't leave it if you're convinced the assessment is inaccurate.

She’s identified she needs support, she’s put support in herself and discussed this with you. It’s not easy to hear but sounds like she’s being proactive.
What would you prefer that in six months she tells you your child is struggling and needs lots of catching up? Presumably she’s got a class of 30 and is doing her best to support them all. Learning sounds and exploring early number doesn’t mean they aren’t doing it through play or having fun doing it either.

Exactly this !
My 3rd is an August born ,i was wise to how the system works and was quite a relaxed parent but it must be very stressful when its your 1st child and you're still learning .

Honestly don't worry. Our primary does play based learning in reception and year one now. Teachers do a baseline but it shouldn't be a big deal.

Mu August boy was behind up until about year 6. He was in a reading intervention group. Always did well socially. He's now in Yr 13 and predicted 3 × A* for A level.

If you can talk to the school about their teaching philosophy and how they support children to develop. Reward your child for trying and putting effort in. Don't link rewards to acheuvement, particularly at this age. Parental input makes some of the biggest differences to educational attainment and one of those is just having dinner together frequently.

Try not to worry, there's a long way to go yet.

@dual90 You are a bit behind the curve with assessment. Are you a teacher?

It’s also ludicrous to suggest for most summer borns (95%?) there’s an obvious difference. Like any other form of development some are quick to learn and mature and some not. Why can some Dc read at 4? Why are others numerically forward? Why can some remember and carry out complex instructions? Why can some use a wide vocabulary and others not? Why are some clearly better at gross and fine motor skills than others? Why can some learn lines for a nativity play and have the confidence to deliver them in front of a hall of parents? Why do August borns excel at anything at 4? Because they are not all the same. Others are clearly not as forward but suggesting that 4 year olds are mostly behind is just untrue. Some are.

You seem disappointed your DD has been assessed. Many schools assess twice a term and certainly in the early weeks of YR. She didn’t have to start school, but nursery assess too! It’s the EY curriculum and assessments are made. Many people like to know if Dc need extra help.

I completely agree. In my reception class there are 7 September/October birthdays and 3 of those 7 struggle socially,
out of 6 July & August birthdays, 3 are struggling, the other 3 are fine. It can be a factor but isn’t always.

To add my daughter is a June birthday and was raring to go, excellent concentration and understanding and mature for her age. My other daughter is January and was much more immature, not as focused or sensible. Age isn’t always a factor in who is going to struggle.

I'm not sure what you are saying - the teacher has said they think your daughter is behind her peers and has been put in an extra support group...and you either want to disagree with her or think she is lying? What would the purpose be?
I can imagine you are feeling upset...but she is not being pigeon holed - she's 4 - she'll catch up. I think its worth taking any support you can get - teachers are busy they don't offer support for no reason.
My son's kindy teacher told me at 3-4 he was behind his peers...he's in grammar school now and just got all 9s and 8s for his GCSEs.
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