AIBU to ask class parents to withhold phones?

[SarahBcn]

The recent news about UN advising against phones in schools and countries banning them in schools has made me want to take action! My dds primary doesn't allow phones in school, but I know that children do have them as I see them on them after school. Already she has said that a few in her class have them (she's in year 3).
I read about a town in Ireland where majority of parents agreed not to give their kids a phone until year 7 and it's worked. I want to suggest this on the parent's whatsapp group - how do you think they'll respond?

Following with interest. Seems like a great idea.

Some kids walk home alone in years 5 and 6. I wouldn't like my dd to walk home without her phone

we will be giving my DS a phone when he goes into year 6 as the school allows them phones if they will be walking there by themselves, they have to be handed in during the day, so I wouldn’t comply with your request. DS is 9 and has we give him access to our spare phone so he can play Pokémon go but he has no access to social media on it.

Personally I am not a fan of the idea of it.

People will be cross and defensive if you try. You could ask if anyone else is aiming to delay phones until Y7, as you’re considering it and wondered if anyone else was.

My dc don’t have phones, but I wouldn’t take any notice of another parent telling me I couldn’t/shouldn’t give them one.

If they start getting the bus home from school next year, I will give them a basic one.

I definitely don't think kids should have their own phone until secondary school. I can understand year 6 if they walk home by themselves, needing a basic phone then for safety. But there is zero reason to give a child under 12 a smart phone! It should be illegal 😁
Go for it OP, I think it's a good suggestion

What is year 3? About age 7. At my kids school phones are so far a rarity. A few kids got them age 10. Now they are all turning 11 more are getting them. No one has missed them as nearly no one has one and I’ve felt to no pressure as a parent.

The first people who got phones in DDs years were those with separated parents... used to have contact with other patent.

I don't think its on to expect other parents to make decisions to make your parenting easier. My youngest is just going into Yr6. She has a phone (hand down) but no Sim. Its just a little computer for music and games. Shell get a Sim when she needs it. (Going on what her sister has shown... its when they have extra curricular stuff with odd pick up times!) She plays out with friends... and tbh they do cause trouble (but people think their kid is safe as they are tracking them... a few parents have discovered its a false sense of security and phone has been removed)

Her older sister is going into Yr8. She doesn't take hers to school.

Good idea.

We have only just given ds a phone and he finished primary last week and is going to secondary in September. This was a very conscious decision, but sadly he was only one of three who didn't have one. During the spring term this year the headteacher had to bring the police and social services in to school because of the WhatsApp groups that had started up!!! There was racial hatred, incitement to suicide and girls posting how you could talk to random strangers on the Internet. It was terrifying and appalling, and most parents didn't have a clue what their children were looking at as their were no parental controls on most of the phones too.

I feel for parents having to navigate this with young children but you have to make your decisions for your child and let others get on with their parenting. Yes it would be lovely if parents agreed but as with many other things you'll face in parenting this won't be the case.

I teach Year 6 and lots want phones for walking home alone, which is completely understandable. I wish it wasn't smart phones though. EVERY year, we have lots of issues with the children using WhatsApp, Instagram, TikTok etc. They are either unkind to each other, or share unpleasant/distressing content. Although these things happen outside of school, they inevitably cause problems in school too.

Honestly, if I got that message on a class WhatsApp group, it would want to make me go and buy my child a phone. While I understand the reasoning, I don't think you can tell other people how to parent their children.

I think you can only parent your own kid and leave others to parent theirs. My DD is 12 and has had a smart phone for a couple of years now with zero problems. I check her messages, she isn't allowed any social media and has never asked for any. I approve all app downloads and it goes into downtime at 8pm. My DS (year 4) claims some of his friends have phones but he knows he won't get one til year 6. There's not much point in giving a very young kid a phone because there's a limit to what they can do with it if their friends don't have them.

The biggest risk to children when they start walking independently is road traffic, and the distraction of phones adds to that risk. I would suggest year 9 would be more appropriate. 🙊
It's only been 20 years or so that widespread ownership of phones has been a thing, and far less that children have them.
I'm with you OP, parents need to teach children to be independent. Phones are an additional umbilical cord that give a false sense of security.

I’m afraid getting a message like this would irritate me op.

We started letting ds go out and about by himself at age 10 and he got a phone at the end of Y 5 to help him do that. I wanted to build independence ready for secondary. We’ve blocked internet on the phone, though.

@Swifey40 that's horrific! I'm just trying to gauge the feeling around giving young kids phones. Anecdotally, parents I've spoken to are against it but I think a lot cave into their kids constant demands because of peer pressure. If most parents agreed, a large element of that peer pressure is gone. I also don't see why it has to be a smartphone when studies have shown the huge detrimental effect it has on mental health - especially girls. I'm planning on not giving my dd one anyway in primary school, just want some solidarity from other parents - takes a village to raise a child and all that!

we were lucky as we were good friends with dds primary friends so we all informally agreed to hold off phones. We got to Easter year 6. . Made it so much easier that her main friends didn’t have phones either. You can’t go out to wider parent group though. They will think you are an interfering bossy boots.

I agree with the concept and don’t intend to give my children a phone until secondary- but I don’t think you can ask other parents to do as you do. You may seriously get peoples backs up

I also think this would be a better approach.
And say smart phones with access to TikTok etc.

The phone addiction we see in secondary schools is alarming. Kids are unable to be separated from their phones for seconds. And the earlier they have them the worse it is.

www.psycom.net/cell-phone-internet-addiction

If you haven't got an existing friendship with many of the parents you might find it doesn't go down well.People often take parents choosing to do things differently as a criticism of their parenting.

I've had a similar discussion with my friends. We all have children the same age and have agreed that we all want to avoid falling into the trap of "but everyone else has one". We've not decided a certain age, but we're on a similar page on a few topics.

Even if walking home a year 6 child doesn’t need a phone. But if you suggest it the other parents in the chat are not going to go along with your suggestion. They’ll probably just talk about you behind your back.

My youngest ds will have a phone when he starts walking to school in y6, like his older brothers. You can do whatever you like with your dc but I wouldn't be changing my plan to accommodate yours.

I think it’s a great idea as a suggestion. No one is telling other people how to parent, but clearly it’s much easier to avoid giving your kid a phone if others also don’t have one. It’s a time when a collective agreement is helpful. I think more of this type of thing will spring up because loads of parents don’t want their kids having phones and only agree to it because everyone else has one.