AIBU to ask class parents to withhold phones?

[SarahBcn]

The recent news about UN advising against phones in schools and countries banning them in schools has made me want to take action! My dds primary doesn't allow phones in school, but I know that children do have them as I see them on them after school. Already she has said that a few in her class have them (she's in year 3).
I read about a town in Ireland where majority of parents agreed not to give their kids a phone until year 7 and it's worked. I want to suggest this on the parent's whatsapp group - how do you think they'll respond?

You are wasting your time op. I can however say that the bullying and unkind behaviour on chat groups is an enormous issue in year 6. Numerous parents tell me they check their child's phone but there are still plenty of issues. Strangely, no one ever buys their child a phone without internet access for walking home. If parents stuck to a basic phone, it would save a lot of issues. Interestingly, parents often tell me it is not the school's business and are very defensive about their child's use of social media, but when there is an issue which has upset their child they are contacting me to sort it out!

There are so many things people could do to make to be better parents.

Some people give their children junk food and some don't do any sports or languages with them or give them music lessons.

Some people buy their children from fast fashion shops instead of ethical shops.

Some people let their children watch inappropriate TV or films and then they come in to screen the next day telling their mates that someone on Love Island got a blow job.

I did a cross country with year TWO and there was a rumour that Pennywise was in the far corner of the field. So ban TV and films. Then the ones whose parents can control their viewing won't contaminate the rest of them

Why pick on this one? That's what I would be thinking. I understand why you would want this and I didn't give my dc phones until year seven. But if I got a message like that I would be thinking about the ways that you parent that I don't agree with. My girls have finished secondary school now and we haven't had one single problem with phones.

It would be nice in an ideal world but technology has moved on and people have phones. In my opinion the best thing to do is keep up with it yourself. So many parents haven't got a clue about what their children are doing. Then they are all confused because they have being playing Squid Games on Roblox and communicating with a man called Chad.

To add, although my child had a phone at primary, it had such a small amount of data that it would run out within a couple of days and he wouldn’t be able to access the internet when out and about for most of the month. He was not that interested in his phone.

I'd support it but I'm anti phones before senior school anyway!

YWBU to ask other parents not to get their kids phones. YWNBU to ask if any others want to wait longer so that you know as they get older who also doesn't have one.

My dc got their phone in the last fortnight of Y6. He spent the last term telling me constantly that every other child had one and he was left out and he needed one etc etc but I knew some other parents who were also holding out for the end of year/beginning of Y7 which was helpful both to me and to talk to him about so that he didn't feel so left out.

I do, personally, feel like before the end of Y6 is too young - I know that there have been problems with online bullying etc - but you can't make other people's parenting decisions and imo asking them to do what you think is right is likely to promote a defensive response and ultimately be unhelpful. Whereas stating how you feel and asking if any one else feels similar is more likely to promote an open and sympathetic response from undecided parents.

I'm a slightly older mum than some of the other parents in my DCs classes. I didn't have a phone until my 20s so went through my whole schooling, uni and early work life without a mobile phone or much Internet use so I don't believe having a phone makes you safer when away from home. Which is in contrast to some if the younger parents who can't imagine life without. Reliance on a phone can actally make you less safe in so many ways - what if the battery dies or the phone gets lost or stolen? Do your DC have emergency phone numbers committed to memory? Do they have £1 for the bus in case they can't use apple pay or whatever? Do you have a plan for such an eventuality? Assuming your kid will be safe because they have a phone is a massive mistake.

Communion gifts? Gosh I really am out of touch! Haven't heard that at all but like I say we're a few years out from that. Maybe when we get there all the parents saying no at 5 will be saying yes at 8!

I'd politely ignore you if I wanted my DC to have a phone and assume (maybe unfairly) that you were one of 'those' parents who will be requesting pleople don't put in cakes in their kids packed lunch because your DC is jealous they only get a rich tea biscuit.

You could rephrase it and ask what peoples views are on phones, sort of "hi im getting hounded to get DD a phone but I think she's too young to take one to school, what does everyone think?" and that might spark a discussion off?

Sticking to the packed lunch theme we had a very memorable Mum who approached the school with concerns about the amount of food some parents put in for their DC and shes still talked about now. Her kid left 2 years ago 🤣 Dont be like Barbara*

*not her real name.

I agree, people used to have to get on with it then and most people were fine. However, there is definitely a change in what may be considered ‘neglectful’ behaviour. It was fine to not really know where your child was or what they were doing many years ago. Now you would be heavily judged or even reported!

I have always wondered; when people talk about their primary children walking home and needing a phone for safety, what exactly is it about the phone that keeps them safe?

Living near a Primary and Secondary school and observing the kids... its making the commute more dangerous. Their heads are buried in the phone rather than paying attention to their surroundings or friends and have seen several near misses on our mixed pedestrian/traffic roads (mainly avoided as resident cars move at snails pace!)

(Not going to mention the parents cars who also have drivers with no awareness of surroundings!!)

My dc walked home from year five with no phone but I can't imagine for a moment not being able to think of reasons why people would be safer with a phone than without a phone.

You honestly can't think of anything?

@MetalFences

You honestly can't think of anything?

I'm not trying to. I'm asking the people who deem it a safety must to explain why that is.

In my case I live in one of the roughiest areas in the UK and DC mates would often just ditch each other - some want to go to the shops or another kids house etc - so sometimes kids were left walking home alone. My DS had a phone from y5 so if that happened or a mate he was walking home with was off he could ring me to be picked up rather than walk home alone.

What a stunning lack of imagination. I went to school in a pre-mobile era. I wheezed the whole way home from school once, getting no relief home from my inhaler and had to be rushed to hospital once I fell through the door, I could have done with a mobile that day. And who managed to get through school without some creep letching out of the car window? - I'd spend the rest of the way home worrying the car would be waiting around the next corner and could have done with a phone-a-friend then.

My DS will be going up to p6 next year. Most of his friends/ more than half the class have phones, he feels pretty left out so next birthday will be my old iPhone and a phone contract.

I'm not trying to. I'm asking the people who deem it a safety must to explain why that is.

How glorious, never trying to think for yourself. I'm imagining you on a chaise-long right now.

Yes this is a better way of wording it.

You could also say that you'd like your child to be older before getting caught up in the world of social media.

You have got me so very wrong

I'm asking those people tor their reasons.

I'm not sure why you felt the need to jump on and have a go at me for asking others why they deme something safe?

I'm making no judgement here, just asking, perhaps you could do the same?

Yes I doubt smart phones have reduced abductions etc….but stranger absolutions like that are very rare. I suspect phones have made things like grooming and exploitation increase….easier to groom online, keep in contact etx.

This. Why do primary school children need smart phones? Completely unnecessary.

I think you need to be careful about this one. We wait for Year 7 or close to before getting a phone for our children, but there’s a lot of privilege that goes into that. If my child was living somewhere else for part of the week (either with other parent or regular overnights for childcare), I’d want them to have a phone to be able to contact me. If they were going through bullying. If they’re close with cousins/friends that they can’t often see. If they were a young carer or spending a lot of time in the sole care of some one at risk of a medical emergency. If they were travelling alone. If they didn’t have access to an iPad, I’d probably give them my old phone to use for games, homework etc. Holding off on getting a phone is the right choice for my child, but that doesn’t mean it’s always the right choice for other families.

So you think an older child walking home alone needs a phone but a younger one should just manage without? That makes no sense.

If you don't want your child to have one fine don't give them one but you have no idea other parents reasons for their child having one it could be medical, having split parenting arrangements, just being spoilt, domestic violence lots of reasons my child did not have one that young but I have no opinion on what other children do

You can’t dictate what other parents do with their kids. Now it’s phones - next will be hanging round the park in the evenings, taking alcohol to parties, watching 15 certificate films etc. You have to establish your family rules and stick with them. I sympathise - DD is ten and it seems almost all her friends are in the class WhatsApp group, but she has an old phone with no SIM card so can’t join. I’ve said no WhatsApp until secondary school and that’s that. I actually think it’s a good thing to establish boundaries and help your child to understand that other people might allow things but you don’t, so they start to learn that lots of people doing something doesn’t make it OK.