AIBU to ask class parents to withhold phones?

[SarahBcn]

The recent news about UN advising against phones in schools and countries banning them in schools has made me want to take action! My dds primary doesn't allow phones in school, but I know that children do have them as I see them on them after school. Already she has said that a few in her class have them (she's in year 3).
I read about a town in Ireland where majority of parents agreed not to give their kids a phone until year 7 and it's worked. I want to suggest this on the parent's whatsapp group - how do you think they'll respond?

Mine got them at 10, when they start being a bit more independent. However my friend gave hers phones aged 5/6, she had split from her partner and it meant the kids could contact her when in his care.

I think it’s a good idea for schools to encourage families to carefully monitor and restrict phone use. Obviously all Pps on here have explained they use sensible rules to protect their children eg phones not in bedrooms overnight etc but it’s helpful if schools can give guidance to make sure everyone knows how they can protect their child against potential problems.
But would some parents take umbrage and feel the school is being too bossy and intrusive and ‘how dare they tell us what to do?’.
I really hope not, because although phones are now an essential part of modern life they can also cause a lot of distraction and disruption amongst children/teenagers.

I would be delighted if someone suggested this on our WhatsApp group! Worded correctly though to avoid people feeling like they’re being patronised/lectured. Maybe you could start by sharing the article quoting the UN and seeing if it prompts a conversation. You’ll be able to gauge opinions just by that, and then maybe go from there.

Me too.

The thing to do is teach your DC how to use their mobiles properly and not to stop them having one

They'll only be bullied behind their back if they don't have one abs if you get involved with your bizarre contacting the parents with your UN info then they'll be bullied mercilessly

The parents will think you've got a screw loose and your DC will be mortified at what you're doing

Fact is mobiles and social media are here to stay so just make them aware of how awful it can be and how to navigate it

Dc won’t have them before secondary but I think this might not go down well at all

Especially if some already have one. It’s pretty much saying that was a mistake there

People will be cross and defensive if you try. You could ask if anyone else is aiming to delay phones until Y7, as you’re considering it and wondered if anyone else was.

This might be better, but it will still stand out slightly for those who have already got one

Totally agree!

I'd support you if you were a parent in my class what's app group but I know so many parents who think phone equals safety.

All very interesting comments and tbh and insight into why this country could never instigate a ban as in France and NL, much more collectivist societies. I just think for something that does pose such a health risk to children, it's a shame regulation has to be left up to individuals. Smoking, seatbelt wearing were seen as public health dangers and smartphone use should be seen in a similar way. Despite the UN and other organisations stating the harm they cause, backed up with valid studies, people still give these devices to children without thought of the consequences because they don't want them to be left out from their peers. I was never going to force people to do anything but I want to have a serious discussion about it. I think some previous posters were right - something like this should come from school/pts rather than parents but I actually don't mind sticking my neck out and getting talked about! Am also a teacher and see everyday the effect smartphones have on my pupils in terms of attention, behaviour, lack of sleep, children being exposed to things they shouldn't, safeguarding, bullying etc.

Op even if others have one you can still it give one until year 7, is that what you’ll do do you think?

I have no issue with not handing over one in primary. I know the dc will be fine

I agree completely, OP, and I would be delighted if somebody suggested this in our class WhatsApp. My DD is in year 5 and almost all of her classmates have smartphones. However, be prepared for a frosty reception. The Head at her school recently pleaded with parents about this very topic, and the amount of eye-rolling and sighing was unreal. Despite all the evidence of harm, parents convince themselves that their young child needs a smartphone, and they can be very defensive about that decision if they perceive that it's being challenged.

I was involved in our school introducing a voluntary agreement, in Dublin. It started as an outcome where parents were at a briefing about bullying. How to spot it and intervene. A few of the parents came together on the smart phone issue.

It took about a year of research into other jurisdictions introducing societal change. We involved the children from second class, aged 8+. It is voluntary, all communications are in a this is what some of us are doing not this is how to parent.

We keep a close eye, by anonymous surveys on how it is going. It is not a blanket ban, plenty of children walk home, of the few that choose to provide phones they tend to be Nokia non smart.

I definitely see a difference in how my 15 year old, and his old classmates treats their smart phone to some of my friends teens. That could be due to the delay or it could be the raised level of awareness due to the campaign.

The take up of the pledge has kept to C. 90% of families so far since 2022.

people still give these devices to children without thought of the consequences because they don't want them to be left out from their peers.

It's comments like this that are going to get people's backs up, op.

people still give these devices to children without thought of the consequences because they don't want them to be left out from their peers

You see - it’s that sort of statement which can raise hackles. You talk sweepingly about “people”. And what comes across is “other people, not people with my superior views”. The reasons you state aren’t why I got a phone for my year 5 child, for example. She was using an older sibling’s device for researching her hobby and it was nice/useful for her to be able to communicate independently with some family members. Did I have a serious conversation with her about proper usage/risks? Of course. So I’d strongly resent your insinuation if that came up on a group WhatsApp. (I’m not saying this is the way you do mean this - I’m just pointing out that you need to be very, very careful with how you address these sorts of things on a general group with disparate members!)

Mine get a phone on their 10th birthdays. Its my choice, I am their parent and I wouldn't take kindly to someone trying to tell me how to parent my child, especially when I haven't asked for advice. My eldest has had his almost a year now and I've had no issues. I check it regularly and he is only allowed apps I approve.

Haven’t read the whole thread

I would definitely be up for a class wide ban on TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram etc. No need for these at all at this age.

However banning phones altogether is trickier as kids start walking home alone and many parents think they are safer with a phone. Though personally I think phones can cause safety issues, kids here get mugged for their phones and I see kids stepping into the road staring at their phones.

You might have more success asking if parents are planning to allow social media- tiktok etc - and saying you aren’t? Then you might get momentum in that direction?

I do t agree that they should have phones before year seven, I'm holding out until then for my DC. However, you and your child will become 'that family'. You've no business, and nor should you have, telling others how to parent.

My DC both got phones the last term in Y6, I don’t think that for most children any earlier is necessary.
However, I would not take kindly to another parent suggesting how I manage phone use for my children.
I would just roll my eyes and ignore you

I was surprised the school in Greystones hit the news tbh, I'm Irish and my kids are younger so we're not there yet but I thought a phone for starting secondary (or maybe the Christmas or birthday before) was pretty standard.

I have no intentions of giving my DC a phone before secondary school, but

A) I could easily see that changing if they were walking to school alone, or DH and I separated and we wanted to be able to contact them while with the other parent, and

B) It's not the kind of decision I would be consulting anyone other than DH on. This isn't something school or other parents get to decide.

Everyone saying it's not for schools to decide, do you expect schools to intervene if there are upsets caused between pupils due to phone use out of school?

Schools spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with the fall out.

I wonder if any analysis has been done (or is even possible) on whether the risk of anything actually happening to children (7 - 12, say) out on their own is less now than in the pre-phone era, with regard to road accidents/abductions, which I guess are the main worries?

I feel that perceived risk is probably far greater than actual risk, and that life would be a lot easier and happier for kids, and everyone, if we at least didn’t have the scourge of smart phones. Just think - no phone addiction, social media, internet bullying, FOMO. It would be bliss! We did manage perfectly well before mobile phones.

I am actually glad that mine (and the majority of their friends) got phones in year 6 because there WERE some issues with group chats and they were sensibly discussed and resolved as the parents knew each other. Once they go into year 7 you won’t know all the parents and these things can get out of control - it’s not always a bad thing to have problems thrashed out ahead of time.

Everyone has different circumstances and so a child having a phone should be an individual choice imo.

My child used to arrive home alone for an hour everyday at 11 because I was collecting younger sibling who finished later: One day there was an incident at home where he had to call me - all was fine but many people don’t have landlines anymore so how would he have done that without a phone? Also like other people say, it can be good for children whose parents are separated. And many other reasons..

My youngest is mid teens and we never had WhatsApp groups at school when he was at primary. I would have hated that, it sounds like hell being permanently connected just because your children are in the same class!

@JenniferBarkley our school was one to adopt an opt in agreement. We are a small school and the smart phones were starting to appear at age 8? Post communion, this takes place out of school so it wasn't a lot of children.

We began to notice the bigger local primaries were having issues with phones. I was a little surprised to hear a smart phone was the new post communion gift.

I think because mine are in a small school we had a better chance of even pushing the age higher before they have them.