Angry about class split

[Annlenna]

My son’s school school is splitting the Y1 classes next year and just found out he has been split from his two close friends and most of his other friends. My son hasn’t found out yet but I’m absolutely devastated.

I do understand the school have their own criteria but, as a mum, I’m looking out for my son and I firmly believe this is not going to benefit him. We already struggled with school at the start of Reception so really don’t want to go back to him begging not to go to school.

I’m planning of requesting a meeting with the school to discuss so any tips on how to approach it with the school? Anyone managed to make the school change their mind?

i don’t get the ‘poor teachers having to do with awful parents’ - a mum can be concerned about the impact of changing classes on her DC. Managing relationships with parents is part and parcel of teaching, especially in primary.

yes most DC will change class and make new friends, but that doesn’t mean that that their school experience is negatively affected by friendships they end up losing because of class changes

By the time they are in y2 there isn’t much ‘playing’ in the classroom. They will be sitting at tables working, the tables will probably be determined by ability, not friends. So he wouldn’t be ‘with’ his friends anyway. You need to tell your son that lessons are for concentrating and trying his best with his work and playtime e is for playing with friends.

Oh god, the Mumsnet "that parent" meme.

"Don't be that parent" = "give more weight to gossip from strangers than to your own kid's welfare"

If I think a course of action (e.g. advocating for my five-year old child, y'know, like you're meant to do) is the right thing to do, I'll do it. I'm hardly gonna shy away from it because some people I hardly know might gossip about me in the staffroom or at the school gate. Who gives a fuck?

Go for it OP, you know your DC best, have a civil chat with the teacher/headteacher, you've nothing to lose.

I agree with this. Talking to parents about their concerns about their children is part and parcel of being a primary school teacher/head. It doesn’t mean parents are necessarily right about everything or that they should get their own way, but talking with parents about children’s worries and issues should be seen as part of the job, not an irritating imposition.

Just because you think your child should be in the class with those particular children doesn't mean they should.

They could be a toxic and unhealthy friendship group for all you know that needs squashing. You don't really know what goes on behind those school doors, the teachers do!

And just because you are unhappy about it doesn't mean you child will. Get over it!

^^ I’d go with this advice.

Even if the school won’t / can’t move him to the same class as his friends, you’ll be making them aware that you’ve got concerns about him struggling away from his friends.
And then hopefully they’ll be keeping an eye on that and there may be things they can do to support him with making new friends in his new class.

That. Of course we only care about our own child. But the staff have to balance the needs of a whole year group of individuals.
If even 10% of parents went in to complain about class lists, the last week or two of term would be horrendous.

And of course moving one child to another class at the request of a parent, means another child (who has already been told what class they're in) has to move to make room.

SirCharkes - sadly parents do not always know what is best for the children, as is horribly evident in the large number of neglected children. Not saying the op is one of these, but it is such a pointless phrase.

Don’t listen to the ‘that parent’ script OP. If being ‘that parent’ who stands up for their child then that’s a good thing to be. A lot of these posters have little empathy and weren’t the type of child who wouldn’t go to school if their best friend had the day off.

This sort of thing might build confidence in certain children but for some it could be very detrimental. Of course the other two friends will become closer because that’s what happens with young children.

There are certainly some harsh people on here.

It is very healthy to mix them up. Your dc is going to meet new friends and will still play with his old friends at playtime.

They mix up my children's classes every year. My daughter is in year 4 and each year one of her closest friends has been in he different class to their others, they still all play together but their circle of friends is wider.

They can't keep all friendship groups in the same class every time, they have to balance lots of things in the class.

The school cannot always share the reasons for the splits with you. It could be that some kids dont behave well together. It could be to balance abilities. There are so many variables that you can't know. The teachers are looking at what will work best for learning.

My child has Asd and a few years we had discussions about the class he would be in and needs of friends - change of teachers .

I can say I know a couple of times other children have been switched , another parent would complain if they didn’t have who were the better teacher . They weren’t switched .

mention it - there may be reasons or it may be an oversight

This happened at our school last year, all of the parents that 'kicked off' (around 5) have since said that thr school made the best decision, and it was the right thing for their child.

I'm sorry but id be so embarrassed to be going up to my child's school and taking the principals time to have a meeting about a class reshuffle.The teachers know what they're doing and have based this off more than just friendships. Have you thought it might benefit your DS to be in this new class? Not sure why you feel you can dictate to the school what way to organise their classes. You are not benefiting your child or yourself by making demands of the school

My sons in receptions going into y1 this year abd he's been out in a different class to his two besties ... but there are other kids he's friends with and he'll make new ones. He can still see these two on lunch / break etc

He handled it well so give your son the chance to do the same, if it's not now a split if friends is bound to happen at some point. I think it's healthy to do it while young and see how they handle it it might be better than you think xx

@ItsCalledAConversation “One of my DC’s friends is staying “down” while most of the rest of the friendship group is going “up”. His mum has absolutely kicked off about it, spoken to the teachers, taken it to the head, everything. But they have said no. The kid can’t read as well as the others and has some social issues (anxiety) and acts really naughty at times, so he’s just not ready. It is what it is.”

You could almost have described my child there. I moved him to a different school where they did not keep children down a year, and he absolutely flew once he was with children his own age. His inability to read was not because of stupid-ness, but because he had undiagnosed eyesight problems that were easily fixed once a diagnosis was made. His ‘anxiety’ was as a direct result of being kept in a class of children up to almost 2 years younger than him. He was bullied by the kids who did move up a year, and his frustration at this was not taken seriously by the school.

While some people are happy to elevate all teachers to sainthood, as in any large group of professionals some are better or worse than others. The head and class teacher who labelled my child stupid and held him back a year really would imo not be a loss to teaching if they left. (They also held back a child who had a recent hearing issue diagnosis, as in their opinion ’she just didn’t listen hard enough in class.’ Telling 6-7 year old kids who cannot see or hear properly that they are not trying hard enough and must be taught in a lower age group is wrong - it is not addressing their needs, it is just treating them like a younger child which is not what they need.) My ‘stupid’ child who could not read has just had his end of Yr 7 report home and he is now a happy, confident boy in the top 5% of his year group at secondary school for reading ability. I don’t regret for a second being ‘that parent,’ and I would do it again.

I've just politely emailed the teacher about a very similar situation for DD.

I phrased it along the lines of how can I put a positive spin on this for DD as she is confused and a bit upset. Also I asked if there were any friendship issues to be made aware of that I could help with.

Just keep communication short, polite and to the point. Perhaps he's a quieter child who is thought not to make a fuss? Perhaps the teacher feels another class has children he may gel with better.

I don't think it's terrible to ask the question.

Thank you to everyone who has offered a kind reply!

I have sent an email to the school and asked for a meeting to raise my concerns and understand their reasoning.

I do understand I can’t dictate what the school does and that they have more children to consider but having had an issue with my son struggling to settle into school already I do think it’s fair to raise my concerns at the very least. It was absolutely heart-breaking having to have the teacher pull him from me screaming and begging not to be left at school for MONTHS. Like some people have said some children adapt easily to change, others not so much. So I’d rather be “that parent” than have him be miserable at school.

Plus surely they have the same playtimes as children in the other class and can still socialise then? I would not complain at all. The teachers know what they are doing.

My son in year 1 went into a composite 1/2 class. He was the only one from his prep class to go into that class. There was only 10 year 1s and all the other boys were a friend group of 4 boys (loud sporty boys not quiet like my son) all from the same class. I was annoyed. He had a good year education wise as he had a great teacher but he didn’t have any friends. He was eventually put into a lunch program to help him and made new friends in year 2.

At my sons school they changed and mixed up the classes every term purely to make them get used to not always being with their friends. I thought it was a really good idea.

Of course it's worth going in to ask!

Some of the shitty replies here to what is an understandable worry, and one you've voiced in a reasonable way.

Former primary teacher here so totally aware of the many factors at play. But still, nothing wrong at all with going in to discuss...

I deliberately chose a school that didn't do this, as I'd experienced it when I was at primary school and hated being separated from my friends.
So what happened? My kids had 7 years of stability. By the end of primary school I realised that there were a lot more boys in the other class that were like my son compared to the class he had been allocated. Socially he would have done better in the other class. And my daughter had 7 continuous years in the more disruptive of the two classes.
If your son didn't settle that well this year, he might actually feel more comfortable in the new class. He will still see his friends in the playground, and hopefully make a few more.

Absolutely. I'd have done the same!!