Angry about class split

[Annlenna]

My son’s school school is splitting the Y1 classes next year and just found out he has been split from his two close friends and most of his other friends. My son hasn’t found out yet but I’m absolutely devastated.

I do understand the school have their own criteria but, as a mum, I’m looking out for my son and I firmly believe this is not going to benefit him. We already struggled with school at the start of Reception so really don’t want to go back to him begging not to go to school.

I’m planning of requesting a meeting with the school to discuss so any tips on how to approach it with the school? Anyone managed to make the school change their mind?

No, they think that mixing classes so that OP's DC is separated from some of his friends is not synonymous with "being treated like utter crap". And they save their battles for things that really matter.

That's a shame.
He may have been better at making new friends than you think.

Thank you. A sensible response. Everyone who I know leaving education at the moment is mainly because of parents and their demands.

I’d do this from @CatsOnTheChair post:
I'd approach it with "I'm concerned about DS being split from his supportive friendship group next year, could you please let me know the reasoning for the separation" and listen to what they say.
Take it from there.

My ds has been in a primary school that switches classes around a lot due to intake numbers - fair enough. I’ve never been “that parent” and can now see (ds in yr 6) that a lot of the class choices have been problematic for ds. We’ve soldiered through with lots of encouragement and positivity to ds to make new friends, be resilient etc. it was most difficult during lockdown when he couldnt play with friends at play times either due to bubbles. I think absolutely no harm in asking for sone reasons and then going from there with it. Also mention his reluctance to go in reception and being concerned about going back to that.

My dd was separated from the majority of her friends all the way through primary. She made other friends and now flatshares with 2 friends from “the other class”!

You want what you believe is best for your child. Thats natural.

The school is trying to do whats best for 60 children. They know that X &Y can't be together as they clash, and A&B distract each other. That C, D, E and F all play nicely together... but F is better with G in lessons.

They know which children would respond better to Teacher A and which ones would do better with Teacher B.

Its a complicated balancing act which means some friendship groups are split.

Email your concerns or follow up a meeting with an email summarising what was said. Keep a paper trail of all communication as they then take situations more seriously.

Ours
Had to mix classes as there was an usually high number of SEN kids in one class and none in another.

@Motheranddaughter you sound a little unhinged/threatening 😳.

OP please don’t be that parent. Have a chat by all means but schools can’t bend to the will of every parent despite what @Motheranddaughter would have you believe.

This might be possible. I have asked for my dd to be taken out of her friendship of 3 because the two other girls had whole parties but excluded my dd. They have playmates with us and others but never invite my dd.

However I would faint if their mums would kick up a fuss knowing they invited all 28 of the other pupils to their parties but not dd.

I want my dd to make a variety of friends and not get into these cliques.

The school my DD goes to mix up the classes every year. It is great for making new friends and teaching resilience to kids. See how it goes in September OP, your son might surprise you.

🤨Making these decisions will have taken somebody a very long time. There are so many different things that have to be taken into consideration when doing this.
If you go in and have a sensible conversation they may be able to do something. They may not. They won’t be changing anyone else to do what you want.

Why does this snarky comment always have to be written on these posts? It's pathetic

I doubt they ever needed to move your child. They didn’t sit there every year and think they they shouldn’t move your DC because you didn’t like it. They probably didn’t give you a second thought.

Children are split and moved every single year in my DC’s primary. No one is ever in the same class as their class from the previous year. You only find out your new class on the first day of term in September.

unless there’s a genuine concern that requires the classes to mix I don’t get why this is seen an ok/ great- surely kids should make friends and be given a chance to develop those friends.

Perfect answer.

The main thing here is don't go on all guns blazing.

Ask why, and be prepared to listen and accept the reasoning if needs be.

Same happened to my daughter and TBH it did her a favour as she moved away from her gorgeous friends who distracted her. She knuckled down without them around so much. They all didn't help each other and split up it actually helped them move on. Also helps them mix in wider circles with more kids too.

At the time it felt so harsh but with hindsight it wasn't bad for her at all.

Totally this. Your kid is 5. They will have many many friends over their school career and ‘besties’ should not be encouraged (for their sake and the teachers!)

This is precisely why I chose a single form intake.
I was a quiet and shy child. Struggled to make friends and every single year they mixed the classes and moved me away from my friends. I left primary school with no friends. I didn’t make any in high school either. Had a miserable existence and hated school.

Some kids might cope and make friends easily, actually my own children would be fine but some won’t. You know your son. I would 100% be ‘that’ parent if I was my own mum. I needed someone to stick up for me and she didn’t because she didn’t want to be ‘that’ mum.

And some children struggle more than others and need more support.
Thats true with the social aspect of school. Why denying that extra support to a child that needs it??

This is very normal. It's healthy for children to make friends with more than just a couple of children. Your son will be absolutely fine. My son was split from his best friend last year and he's now got new best friends. Kids adapt very quickly.

I would definitely ask if there were reasons, and if there were, I’d accept them. But if it was random then I’d ask if he could be moved.

I was in a tricky situation. When DS went from primary to secondary, it was customary for the primary school to inform secondary of any specific requests (kids to be together or apart). Unbeknown to DS, I spoke to his teacher and asked if they could request he be separated from his best friend. I felt it was a friendship that was good in small amounts, but toxic if they were together too much. I worried that if they were in the same form in secondary, they’d stick together and not make new friends, and then inevitably fall out, as they frequently did.

When DS found out they were in different classes he was a bit disappointed, and friend's mum was really upset, and was all set to complain. Luckily they both quickly made friends in their new classes, but are still great mates with each other now, several years later. I’m certain I was right - their friendship works best when they don’t spend loads of time together. DS has actually independently said this himself. I’ve never told anyone what I did!

This.

Also, can you explain why he can't still play with his friends, during the time during every day when the children are free to play with whoever they want to play with - breaks and lunch ?

Coming from the other direction... my child is in a class that could really do with splitting up due to a very unhealthy dynamic but its been decided after several years its better to keep them together for Yr6. Some of the children are deeply unhappy.