Atheist in Roman Catholic Primary - experiences sought, please.

[ScaredHeart]

We have relocated and been advised that our two options going in at this stage to Year 3 are the Roman Catholic school, which is a very quick walk from home, or the no-religion school which is over an hour's walk away (traffic dire at peak times, I don't want to drive anyway). We could home ed in the hope that a closer non-religious school comes up for September - the LA says there is often movement at this stage in this borough.
DD is happy to see out this term home edded, as am I, but equally, ok to start if a preferred place is offered.

I am vehemently atheist. I cannot stand the religious imposition in schools. But the prospect of a short walk every day, Vs a very very long one, are giving me pause. I'd like for DD to make local friends, not ones who live over an hour's walk away, or further.

I wonder how seriously pushy most Catholic primaries are in this regard. Atheist patents with any experience or views? We will not go to church. I don't want DD being told god is real. (Unless during now and then, proof materialises.)

Other considerations.
RC school is one-form entry.
Non-religious one with current space is SIX-form entry.
Non-religious one with no space but may have space in September is four-form.
Would you pick the tiny RC school or the much bigger ones, if you had the choice?

I'm an atheist and went to a Catholic secondary school. I loved it, not the religious stuff of course, but everything else was great. I was very happy there.

I went to Catholic primary and secondary school (I have a Catholic mother and atheist father).

Received an excellent education and we were taught about all religions in much more depth than my friends who didn't go to Catholic school.

I will say there are many positive aspects and a sense of community (it was unheard of that someone was bullied IME) our classes were small and we had a higher amount of focus on our individual abilities as we had extra funding from the diocese. Of course some negative for an atheist parent (like lots of hymns, mass, church visits, confessions, preparation for holy communion etc).

I would say if you're on the fence go with the school that's further away. You'll be constantly pulling your children out of certain lessons/days out etc. and it could have a negative impact on them and you by making you have to be on the ball with what's going on all the time.

Hope you make the right decision for you 🙂

I hate early mornings almost as much as I hate religion in schools.

This made me chuckle OP, I agree with you!

At year 3 she's probably old enough for you to explain to her that the school teaches Catholicism but she should take it with a pinch of salt as your family don't believe. Make sure she knows that she can talk to you about anything that worries her (hell etc). It could be quite interesting for her, from a cultural perspective.

I think you should completely discount the option if walking an hour each way. Completely unsustainable. (Though, being London, I'm surprised there's not a convenient bus at least part of the way?).

Sounds like she'll eventually get a place in the bigger non-denominational school.

You mention home education as a possibility. I guess you don't work then, if you are considering it? Surely that limits her social integration even more than going to the further away school? I would consider it my worst nightmare, a total non-starter because I would not want to be a teacher, but perhaps look into local home Ed meet-up groups if it genuinely is something you'd be up for. That said, I think there may be some ideological convictions amongst the home-Ed fanatics that could remind you uncomfortably of religion! And they might view you differently if doing it out of necessity, and only as a stopgap, rather than for reasons of principle.

I think it depends on the school. The RC ones that I know local to me, are very religious and expect parents to support that, CoE less so. I was raised a catholic and went to a catholic secondary school, but consider myself an atheist now. When I went to look at RC primaries and now RC secondaries, I each time, just felt I can't do that to my children! Have all that valuable teaching time and space devoted to Catholicism. So I would say, if you feel as strongly as you say you do, then no, don't send your child to the RC school.

All of this. Don’t send your child to a religious school when you are so opposed against it. You will just be a complete hypocrite.

It really does depend on the school.

Dc went to Roman Catholic Primary, majority of the children were/are not Catholic. While they say prayers before lunch (possibly morning and afternoon) they certainly do no do RE daily. RE is general RE mostly bible stories however they have studied all religions over the course of Primary.

They go to mass usually once or twice a term. I also went to Catholic schools I don't have any strong religious beliefs. Dp is Atheist, he's not had any issues with anything dc have come across.

They will be strongly discouraged from making up their own mind. Allowing a child choice would be about exposing them to different religions. In my experience, Catholic schools present one version of reality and push it constantly. Critical thinking is discouraged.

I had a Catholic education and I would homeschool before allowing it to be inflicted on my child.

I love me a bit of Rickrolling.

I do have concerns about CSA, that's definitely on my mind. :/

Interesting. I'm hoping the pros will outweigh the cons, if DD does go there.

Thank you. I'm not really worried about the level of education. We are lucky to be in a great area, the schools are good here. I think all the local schools are doing a decent job of combatting bullying and anti social behaviour, from what I can tell. So it's just this conflict of religion Vs commute, really.

I know re having to be totally on the ball. In wondering about pulling her out of the collective worship, but letting other things go. Happy enough with the Nativity, for example. But DD will know I believe it's a made up story. She can make up her own mind as to whether there's even such a thing as three wise men!

I do think I'll be more frazzled with the long journey though to the other school.
We also could wait it out for the third option, the school that is 15 minutes' walk, that may have space come September.

My kids go to an Anglican primary as every school we are in walking distance from is a faith school. It winds me up no end that children's access to education is limited by the faith of their parents. Do what they like with private schools, state schools should not be religious! They do come home spouting stuff and I say they should believe what they like and give my version. It is much easier for a 4 year old to believe that a bloke with a magic finger zapped everything into being in 7 days than explaining the big bang, continental drift and evolution. Still, I believe as they get older they will question more. I actually think that the local Catholic school is less religious and definitely has a greater proportion of kids that aren't Christian. For you, 6 form entry also seems huge for a primary, so the smaller closer one might be better.

I was in catholic schools, I have no religion, neither do my parents- the schools were just the only option due to catchments and location.

Primary was fine. RE lessons were mostly bible story related but it didn't impact much else, we sang hymns in assembly- along with a couple prayers and got sent for a few boring masses at the local church each year. A nun sat in some of our assemblies and when kids did their holy communion- they got to wear their fancy clothes to school the next day.
I was never really into the religious bits- some of the hymns were fun- especially the ones with actions, we got bread sometimes and were not allowed to do halloween parties.

Generally it was fine- I felt a bit guilty for not believing it once- just because I thought a lot of the stories sounded probably made up and I found most of the church parts really boring.
I asked my mum if it was really true- she told me that the stories they tell are what catholics believe in and the stories are true for them- if I want to believe them then I can, but it is also okay not to- and that its okay to not be a catholic as long as I am not rude about the things they believe. Mkst of the stories are just there to help teach a lesson and its okay to learn the lesson even if you think the story is probably made up.
That was easy enough to understand and it was fine.

Secondary school was a whole other thing, way worse.

Why would you be concerned about CSA in a catholic school, any more than any other school?

priests and nuns no longer teach in schools. The only access they’ll have to the priest is at mass, and unless the school safeguarding is shit they won’t be alone as they’ll always be with their class. Tbh I think there’s more of a risk from music teachers etc in school, where they can have 1:1 lessons.

our school was attached to a church- physically. They still only saw the priest at mass or on the rare occasion he came across for assembly.

i don’t feel I was indoctrinated. I went to catholic school right up until 6th form, back when we did have priests teaching. Tbh the priests were amazing, very open, and taught us to think and challenge. They used to advise contraception for us 6th formers, for example, their logic being if you’re going to have sex outside marriage, might as well break some more rules while you’re at it 😂, and contraception is a better option than abortion.

I didn't even go to a faith school, but it was still faith schooling that made me acknowledge and embrace my atheism. All the research I did while looking for a primary school for DD forced me to really think about it. I would never have described myself confidently as an atheist. I definitely would now.

Oh and also to add- while I was initially against a catholic education for my children, I did believe they should learn about it. If they didn’t understand the issues around religion, how do they challenge it? RE classes were RE, but all faiths, so they learned a lot about a wide variety of beliefs.

have to say it was actually pretty effective and they can both discuss the pros and cons of religion and explain why they do or don’t believe. One, for example, believes it’s more about community, going to mass and seeing your friends, volunteering in the church, making friend with similar values etc. I think she has a point!

Also in SW London. I can’t imagine anywhere in this part of London where you’d have to walk an hour for an alternative school. There are tons of schools around! I walk 10 mins to work and pass three!

Have you spoken to schools directly rather than just the local authority. They’re notoriously slow and out of touch with what’s happening on the ground when it comes to admissions (I work in this area).
In any case, rolls are falling here and everywhere else so I’d be amazed if you don’t have several choices by the end of the summer term.
As for catholic schools, I went to a primary and secondary ones and my DCs went to CoE. It was much more watered down religion wise and a lovely school. I would never have sent them to a catholic school though.

We are always talking, so I think we have that covered. I'm speaking with her about it all already, and she actually is saying she thinks she's prefer the RC school (not least because of the colour of the summer dress!), and understands our family are not religious but sometimes compromises have to be made.
There probably is a bus, but I don't want the expense or hassle of that either. I had a long commute to my schools as a child, and it is a total bind. Plus the friend issue that I've mentioned - I want her able to easily hang out with her friends at the local parks, not have me drive her here there and everywhere.

She may well get a place at school 3. I think we will check out this RC one though, and see what our guts say.

She has actually been home-educated from the get go, as has my older child. We already go to loads of groups and activities, home ed as well as mainstream extra curricular, and have made lots of friends, but not really enough local enough, it's all a lot of driving and organising and even then, just not enough people. But due to a change in circumstances, plus exactly this that I don't feel my children are finding enough local friends, I am needing to look at schooling for my them, as well as so I can work more hours. I do work, but work from home when I can juggle it with my children's needs, but it's becoming unsustainable so hence the need now for school, though I can manage til September or a bit beyond if need be, but it's managing rather than thriving.

These are indeed my concerns. But it's this, wait til September and even then there may not be a place at school 3, or go for the one an hour away. The thought of which is not pleasant!

I need to check it out. I guess I could get her in the RC one though, and if it becomes evident the religious aspect is overwhelming, move her.

Sadly we live in a society where our local schools dictate to us conditions that we aren't on board with, yet the alternatives are even worse (in this case, the commute). I would dearly love to have us do away with religion in schools. That would solve this problem.

Thank you, I'm hoping this school might be similar.

This is exactly my experience of RC schools in the eighties.
And truly, one of the main reasons I home educated my children for as long as possible. My circumstances are now that HE is a luxury I can't really afford for much longer, plus the pros for school seem to be outweighing the cons, namely I'd really like to have my children have more local friends, and build up more of a community than we have with the lovely but small and spread out home ed groups we attended when we relocated a little while ago. Plus I need to earn more, ideally, and I just can't with the limited hours I currently have.

I can't do a link from my phone but you will find (if you don't already know it) some helpful advice and info on the Humanist Society website and fb page. They campaign against faith schools for the reasons many posters have expressed here.

I agree with all this!

DS is at a Catholic school which is greatly over subscribed and you have get father to provide evidence of baptism to even be considered for a place. I'm an atheist but DH is Catholic yes they are taught that god is real but they also cover the normal curriculum. I love the family ethics of the school that comes from the school being linked to the church and he will likely continue to the Catholic secondary if he gets a place 🤞🏻

When the time comes for physic etc we will see where DS goes but I like him having Catholic values