Forcing child to attend school camping trip?

[Anorthernlass]

My DD does not want to go on a 5 day school camping trip mostly because of embarassing and uncomfortable health issues. I don't think forcing her, with the possibility of having a negative experience, is a good idea.

Presumably because of pandemic delays this is a trip that involves the whole of year 5 and 6. Anyone who does not attend has to spend the week with year 4.

DD is now terrified of being teased for not attending and anxious about the mortifying?? experience of spending the week with year 4. You can't win.

I would love DD to go but I think forcing a child is wrong. I think the five day is very long for any child tbh - my older son had a three day trip.

If the tables were turned and this was an adult, they would have a choice to say no, and imho many with health problems would.

What should I do? Any advice on how to handle this?

[TokyoSushi]

5 Days is very long, I wouldn't make her go. There will be others not going, there always are. She'll get over being with Yr4 soon enough, that sounds the better option than 5 days camping when it's an unsuitable trip.

[ancientgran]

I wouldn't make her go. I think the school should be arranging something a bit more exciting than spending the week with year 4. When my kids were at school there would always be a handful of kids who wouldn't do the trips and they'd have day trips or a fun project with a TA.

[Saucery]

Ime the children who can’t go on the residentials are given extra responsibilities in the lower age group class they have to join. Would that be something her school would do? So they are very much still A Year 6, but one that is helping out.
The class should be given a general talk about not judging anyone who doesn’t go on the residential.

I agree no child should be forced to attend a residential. My DS chose not to go and school were fine about it. He likes swimming, climbing, sailing etc but just didn’t fancy sharing with some of the dc in his class for 4 days. I just told school we could provide the activities outside of the trip when they said “but he will miss out!”.

Is there no way her health needs could be accommodated?

[megletthesecond]

Yanbu.

[Saucery]

Meant to add I have done in school activities with the children who couldn’t go on the trips for whatever reason. Baking, outside activities etc. Depends on staffing though.

[Tdcp]

5 days is very long. DD wouldn't go and I definitely wouldn't force her too! I'm sure she won't be the only child that doesn't go and assuring her of this could be a good idea?

[coffeecupsandfairylights]

@ancientgran

I wouldn't make her go. I think the school should be arranging something a bit more exciting than spending the week with year 4. When my kids were at school there would always be a handful of kids who wouldn't do the trips and they'd have day trips or a fun project with a TA.

I expect they don't have enough staff to facilitate this.

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

YANBU. I think 5 days is too long for primary children anyway - and before anyone starts bleating about snowflakes, there is no way this would have been considered when I was at school, which was a very non-snowflakey time.

There will be plenty of 9, 10 and 11 year olds who aren't up for this, so your DD won't be on her own with a bunch of Y4s.

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

What has the school said about accommodating her health needs on the trip? I agree this is a decision she needs to make for herself but she needs your support to do it. I would tend towards encouraging her to go by stressing the positives and allaying her concerns (with support from school if possible).

[ColdHappyBap]

Five days is surely quite normal for a year 5/6 residential? All the schools in my area do the full week for theirs and the kids who go have a fantastic time.

The arrangements for those who aren’t going are unfair though. At my DC’s school not everyone goes, for a whole variety of reasons. The ones who don’t go get a fun week instead doing trips to the park, cooking, and usually something bigger like a trampoline park or bowling. It means everyone gets to experience something even if staying away from home isn’t something they want to do.

[rnsaslkih]

5 days is too long for that age group - some of them will be perfectly fine, others won't.

You know your dd best and you know that this isn't the right thing for her.

The question is: how do you get her out of it without humiliation?

If the trip is not expensive, I'd pay for it and then ring up on the day of it and say she has covid and is feeling very unwell. Then she doesn't have to spend the week with Y4 and nobody will be any the wiser that she didn't want to go.

When I was younger, I never told lies. Experience has taught me that honesty isn't valued, people are mean and lying carefully can sometimes be the the easiest way out.

[ancientgran]

@coffeecupsandfairylights

I expect they don't have enough staff to facilitate this.

That should be part of the planning.

[fluffycereal]

I kept mine off, not for the same reasons as you - neither of the 2 that didn't do residential would have been bothered by other peoples comments but the lack of routine, structure and normality in the school week not being 'normal' wasn't ok for them. They are both autistic so anything out of routine meant I just kept them off.

[purplesequins]

speak to school how they plan to accomodate her health needs and go from there.

ime children thrive on class trips, even (especially?) those reluctant to go.

[DeskInUse]

My dd at that age hated staying away from home, she never went on a residential trip at primary school. The teachers used to pull me up on it but I wasn't going to force her. She's now a teenager and will take every trip going. So don't worry op, she will do it in her own time.

[Anorthernlass]

DD went on a school trip last week and came home crying saying it was so difficult to cope. Like most classes there are mean kids and DD, having low self esteem from these health problems, says she feel invisible. It's horrible to hear this. I really think this could be a horrible experience. I dont know why the teachers are pushing it. The alternative being lessons with year 4 is not an option either. I now feel I have to go through a big fat lie and say she's fallen sick that week, and that would be great parenting NOT.

[Saucery]

Oh I dunno, I think showing her you've got her back on this is pretty good parenting.

[Anorthernlass]

Just to be clear DD loves nature and being outside, but she knows her limits and is adamant she's not going. Of course she tells the teachers she wants to go and then tells me she only says what they want to hear.

[Anorthernlass]

@Saucery

Oh I dunno, I think showing her you've got her back on this is pretty good parenting.

Thankyou

[fluffycereal]

I now feel I have to go through a big fat lie and say she's fallen sick that week, and that would be great parenting NOT.

Or you could just keep her off and tell the truth.

[Ducksurprise]

Cheap term time holiday?

I also think it is important to stand up for her. If you can keep her home I wouldn't send her in. I would write in and explain why, she will not be missing out on education if she is with the year fours and I would say she is being disadvantaged due to her medical condition. If i had a fine I would appeal it and be confident of winning.

[Alovelydayatlast]

Op is it bedwetting? I sent ds with spare sleeping bags, bin bags and spare pj's. Teachers were fab and nobody knew..

[Hoppinggreen]

We strongly encouraged DS to go on his Residential. I hated mine and although I was careful not to tell DS that DH said I was “projecting” and DS would love it
he hated it
He wasn’t really homesick he just hated being in a dorm and didn’t enjoy the activities at all. According to his teacher he was no trouble and did as he was asked but he just clearly didn’t want to be there
These trips aren’t for all kids and while the majority will have a great time once they are there, even if they have reservations, some just dont

[sueelleker]

Presumably the kids going on the trip won't be doing schoolwork, and I can't imagine going down a year will be of any use to your daughter; so can you just keep her out of school for the 5 days? (I don't have children, so I don't know how schools work)

[RogueBorg]

Don't force her then. I'm confused. Do you want the school to change the trip?

5 days is absolutely standard for Y5/6 (in fact many have 6 or 7 days) and I went on a 6 day trip in Y6 in the 80s so it's definitely not a new thing. Kids are so much more resilient than parents give them credit for in most cases (especially when they're away from their parents!) and manage just fine. In fact most love it.

I was a Y6 teacher for many years so I'm speaking from experience.

But if she doesn't want to go don't send her.