Forcing child to attend school camping trip?

[Anorthernlass]

My DD does not want to go on a 5 day school camping trip mostly because of embarassing and uncomfortable health issues. I don't think forcing her, with the possibility of having a negative experience, is a good idea.

Presumably because of pandemic delays this is a trip that involves the whole of year 5 and 6. Anyone who does not attend has to spend the week with year 4.

DD is now terrified of being teased for not attending and anxious about the mortifying?? experience of spending the week with year 4. You can't win.

I would love DD to go but I think forcing a child is wrong. I think the five day is very long for any child tbh - my older son had a three day trip.

If the tables were turned and this was an adult, they would have a choice to say no, and imho many with health problems would.

What should I do? Any advice on how to handle this?

No it's not this. Can't really even hint about it here.

And nor should you. It doesn't matter if other children can cope with the same issue. She doesn't feel able to do so and that is enough.

The comparison to a work place trip is a good one. I don't understand why we force children to do things that we wouldn't expect an adult to do.

We have instructions by pediatrician to take her to A&E if problem gets considerably worse. I'm wondering if I'm mad that teacher qnd others can't see this as an issue??

I was at primary school in the 1980s and we went on a week long trip to Scarborough in the third year (year 5) and a weeklong trip to Belgium in the fourth year (year 6). Stayed in a chateau.

I think 5 days is normal for that age for a school trip. Guides/scouts do a week at aged 10/11.

Having said that, if she doesn't fancy it then I wouldn't force her. She won't be the only one amongst two year groups who doesn't go. Keep her off for the week if she doesn't fancy being in with the year 4s.

One of mine was reluctant at 9/10 ... she was inter railing round Europe for weeks, staying in hostels at 17.

Please don’t force her. To our regret, we did, small class and teachers were very reassuring.
picking her up when they returned, teacher bounded over to tell me that our daughter had had a fantastic week. Daughter smiled along. As teacher walked away, looked me in the eye and said “please don’t ever make me do that again”.
had hated it and cried in bed every night.

Having said that though, I didn’t mean to imply you should make your daughter go OP, - I don’t think these should be compulsory.

Definitly don't send her. School probably won't provide anything more inspiring than a week with year 4 because of staffing so I would speak to the school and ask them to authorise a week off. Or just take it anyway. I'm a teacher, and that's what I would do.

Thankyou everyone - some great advice here on how to handle this.

My intuition tells me it would be wrong to force the issue and I don't think I should take that gamble.

Can you take her there to spend 1 or 2 nights?
Our y6s, two children weren't there the whole week, one medical reasons, one wanted to sleep in his own bed (I don't know if he did any overnights).

You can tell the school that you won't allow her to go, she can present as wanting to go but not being allowed. They may try to guilt you into letting her go, so don't explain or justify, just say that your decision is made and is final.

If hanging out with year 4 won't meet her educational needs then tell them you have your own academic enrichment program lined up and take her out for the week. You can go to a couple of museums, visit another part of the country for a day trip, get her to plan, shop and cook the family evening meal.

DS's primary school did a week long trip to Irish college (we're in RoI) and I didn't let him go because of behavioural issues. I think the school were thrilled because the chances were that he would have needed a constant 1to1 during the day and he also didn't sleep much and would have kept others awake too. I took him away to London for the week and we did some educational stuff and some shopping and it was fun.

Brilliant idea.

I'm hoping they will suggest 1 night as an option! I don't mind paying for the full week so long as she's happy and in control.

I love the idea of planning our own enrichment activities.

OP am entirely on your side.

DS has a pathological fear of rollercoasters. So when his Y6 trip was to Thorpe Park I kept him off school for the day and took him out to do something he would enjoy.

It's not the same I realise, but in your shoes I might look to keep her off school for 1-2 of the days and do something she would enjoy to make up for missing not going on the trip?

If it's near by, and you have time and transport, I'd arrange with school to take her up one or two of the days to join in. I'd also keep a bag of overnight stuff in the car so that if she decides she wanted to stay, she could.

But I absolutely wouldn't force her to go; she knows her limits and is saying no, and you're doing right to listen to that.

This. I’m surprised people are suggesting that similar, fun activities should be provided for the children who are refusing to go. God knows how many teachers/assistants they’re losing to go on an almost week long trip, and obviously the year 4 teachers are responsible for the year 4’s. I wouldn’t be expecting the op’s daughter to be given a weeks worth of algebra assignments, but there’ll be no spare staff in school to spend the day doing crafts and baking with her.

The school is there for all the children, the ones who can't afford to go on the trip, the ones with health issues that can't go, the ones with anxious parents who won't let them go or the ones who just don't want to go. If a school can't cater for all the children's needs it needs to look at it's priorities.

I took my child out of school snd on a holiday for this. She wouldn't have coped on the residential and would learn nothing in year 4

I was told that, teacher managed to persuade DD to go. Teacher regretted it when she phoned me at nearly midnight and asked me to speak to DD and try to calm her down.

The following day I was in school with younger child, another member of staff came over to reassure me DD was fine and was shocked when I said it didn't sound like that when I got a phone call last night. She said they never, absolutely never, allow children to speak to parents while they are away, not even in the day and definitely not at night. I just smiled and walked off.

So in my experience not all children thrive on these trip, some are bloody miserable and I'm so glad I wasn't responsible for persuading her to do it as she didn't lose any trust in me but she certainly did with her teacher.

I would just keep her at home for the week. Depending on your area it may well be that a fine kicks in after so many days. Where I am it is 4 1/2 days, so you could possibly send her in for 1 day, then have her at home for the other 4 to avoid the fine. It would just go down as unauthorised but it only matters for the school, not your DD. I wouldn't lie to school. I would tell them all her friends are on the trip, she will be alone at break and lunch and it isn't fair on her.

Staffing wise there are usually a handful of children who don't go on residential school trips, we have had them remain behind for religious reasons, health reasons, anxiety reasons. The ones staying behind usually do fun activities with a couple of TAs, learning about the area the other children have gone to. They are never punished by being dropped down a year group.

Should I write a letter with the application? I know HM is very strict. Im assuming I will be fined, but not sure the exact amount. I would obviously pursue this and argue against a fine.

If she doesn't want to go don't make her. Ring in sick on the morning what can they say !

My dd has just done her residential 5 day trip in y5 and told me “absolutely everyone is going”. In reality three or four students from each class didn’t go ( so 12 to 16 over the whole year group) mix of not wanting to, not being allowed ( maybe just what some kids said to save face with peers?) or having stuff they had to stay home for (important hospital appointment etc). School accommodated them- they did fun on site activities and helped out in infant classes. She doesn’t have to go. I think you’d be very reasonable to not send her if they can’t accommodate her health issues/ she doesn’t want to go.

DS2 should be on his residential just now. He's in p7 so he's 11 and in his final year of primary.
He is not away because I couldn't persuade him. He has ASD but is high functioning and has friends in school.
He's hating being at school and working with the younger kids. He wishes he were there but I should have negotiated a shorter time etc. Issue is that it's 4 hours away so difficult to pick him up.

Could you write to the school to say she will be off that week on medical grounds? Then take her away for a few nights?

By that I mean something along the lines of 'as you will be aware x has xxxx and it requires extra effort/commitment/places additional stress (whatever is appropriate) for her to attend school full time.

Periods of rest and recuperation are vital to maintaining her attendance.

As next week is the school trip which she is unable to attend as a direct result of her medical condition, I will be keeping her at home to allow her to rebuild her reserves in order to successfully complete the end of term.

Then you don't have to phone and lie daily but it may be easier for them to authorize