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Original poster

Forcing child to attend school camping trip?

122 replies

Anorthernlass · 18/05/2022 09:08

My DD does not want to go on a 5 day school camping trip mostly because of embarassing and uncomfortable health issues. I don't think forcing her, with the possibility of having a negative experience, is a good idea.

Presumably because of pandemic delays this is a trip that involves the whole of year 5 and 6. Anyone who does not attend has to spend the week with year 4.

DD is now terrified of being teased for not attending and anxious about the mortifying?? experience of spending the week with year 4. You can't win.

I would love DD to go but I think forcing a child is wrong. I think the five day is very long for any child tbh - my older son had a three day trip.

If the tables were turned and this was an adult, they would have a choice to say no, and imho many with health problems would.

What should I do? Any advice on how to handle this?

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Innocenta · 19/05/2022 08:48

@Anotherdayanotherdisappointment I think OP is doing something wrong by not facilitating her DD to participate on an equal basis. It's normal for a child with health issues to be anxious about them. That isn't a reason for the child to be left out.

Ducksurprise · 19/05/2022 08:49

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 08:47

As someone who was a significantly disabled and unwell child, I totally disagree with all the 'just don't send her!' dismissiveness. Children with additional health needs can and should be included too. It's really quite lazy to just leave them out. If the school wants to include her that is a good thing! That's what disability activists fought for.

They fought for the right to attend, the right to have a choice not the right to be forced to do something that they do not wish to do.

How many adults would enjoy a team bonding five day camp with their colleagues?

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 08:50

Lunificent · 18/05/2022 14:20

School will be likely to suggest some compromises. In doing so, they will demonstrate how little they understand your daughter: her anxiety/social anxiety/embarrassment and loneliness. Don’t bend. Know what you want for her that week and make sure you get it.

Also, consider joining the group, ‘Not Fine in School … ‘ on Facebook. You may find some good advice there.

@Lunificent So any child with more complex need should just... be left out? Wow. Hmm

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 08:50

@Ducksurprise You don't know what you're talking about.

BettySundaes · 19/05/2022 09:11

I would find it incredible if across two year groups there aren't ANY other children not going. Between health concerns, can't afford it, anxious parents, religious reasons etc only 1/3 of the year are going on my DDs 5 day activity trip. There has always been provision for those not going the TA's look after them/do fun activities at school/day trips etc funded by PTA and this year due to low numbers one of the class teachers is staying behind too.

If she (and likely others stay behind) she is not going to be made to do year 4 work. The teachers will no doubt have them as special helpers/given mentoring roles etc not make them feel in the way or as if they weren't good enough to go.

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 09:54

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 08:47

As someone who was a significantly disabled and unwell child, I totally disagree with all the 'just don't send her!' dismissiveness. Children with additional health needs can and should be included too. It's really quite lazy to just leave them out. If the school wants to include her that is a good thing! That's what disability activists fought for.

The fight was about choice...

Blanketpolicy · 19/05/2022 10:04

Tell her it is her choice but before she makes the choice we can talk to her about her concerns about going and how they can be mitigated and what she will miss. Talk about inclusivity and how people will help her if she wants to give it a go.

Then let her make her own choice between the two on offer.

TizerorFizz · 19/05/2022 10:09

This child is NOT being left out. She doesn’t want to go. I personally think it’s a slippery slope and other refusals will follow.

My DDs both went away for a school week (4 nights) in y2. It was optional but the majority went. It was an environmental centre and it was really good fun. By y5/6 children support snd encourage each other. They welcome their friends going even if there are hurdles to overcome. Of course the school offers the trip to all DC. However where a child won’t go, as long as the curriculum is covered (if the trip is covering curriculum) then teacher supervision at school is fine.

The DD will just have to accept other DC will
telk about this trip. It’s a highlight for some. But when DC won’t do something the majority are excited about, it’s inevitable they are not in the loop. This DD will get days out with her mum instead. This might reinforce the gulf between her and her class mates. But so be it.

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:11

@fluffycereal No, it wasn't!

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 10:13

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:11

@fluffycereal No, it wasn't!

Of course it was.

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 10:15

I think the issue is that school are not excluding her so we are looking at different things I think.

Choice is vital and if she doesn't want to go that is absolutely fine.

WildNights · 19/05/2022 10:16

I’d just keep her off school and do some nice things with her if you can. Knowing your parents have your back is invaluable. It’s a primary school trip, you’ll be told by some this will affect her whole future but it really won’t. Don’t give it another thought.

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:16

@fluffycereal You're totally incorrect. What you're implying is that the driving force behind our civil rights movement (i.e. disabled people) is the equivalent of choice feminism. Surely here on Mumsnet you can see what a disturbing argument that is?

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:17

OP is not helping her child to have full access to educational opportunities.

Again: I actually was a disabled child with substantial health needs.

mumneedshelp4 · 19/05/2022 10:18

i got harassed when i went in the forest by a bear😡

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 10:21

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:16

@fluffycereal You're totally incorrect. What you're implying is that the driving force behind our civil rights movement (i.e. disabled people) is the equivalent of choice feminism. Surely here on Mumsnet you can see what a disturbing argument that is?

I actually wasn't. Please don't suggest I am saying something I'm not. The child has every right to make a choice and that is irrespective of any disabilities. Like I said though I think we are having 2 different arguments because school are not excluding the child from the trip.

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:33

@fluffycereal But you literally said 'the fight was about choice', and...it wasn't. Choice is not the primary motivator for civil rights movements, and is not / was not for disability rights. You are renarrativising in favour of an individualist and choice centric model which is of our time, not a core part of the fight in question.

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:33

OP is the one excluding her DD.

Cocoabutterkim · 19/05/2022 10:42

I really don’t agree that a child should get to have any choice in which parts of their education they engage in! I also don’t think that potential embarrassment is a good enough reason to opt out. If the school have not put in place the things she needs to actively participate in the residential that is one thing but if they have and she decides she’d just rather not, I think that you’ll be starting yourself down a slippery slope if you agree she can stay home

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 10:44

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:33

@fluffycereal But you literally said 'the fight was about choice', and...it wasn't. Choice is not the primary motivator for civil rights movements, and is not / was not for disability rights. You are renarrativising in favour of an individualist and choice centric model which is of our time, not a core part of the fight in question.

Yes you are correct I didn't read your post correctly and when I realised you were suggesting school had excluded the child I corrected myself and said we were talking about 2 different things.

fluffycereal · 19/05/2022 10:46

@Innocenta

Also I will be completely straight with you I barely understand the second part of your post so I will leave it at that.

Innocenta · 19/05/2022 10:58

No worries, @fluffycereal - I think you're right, probably talking past each other. Sorry my tone was snappy! I am really invested in disability rights but I should have been more conciliatory. Apologies. Flowers

Swayingpalmtrees · 19/05/2022 11:07

Don't force her, use the money it would have cost to do something together that she can choose. As she gets older she will be able to manage her heath problems more easily, and she will know when the right time will be for her.

Five days is too long. One day and a night may have been okay.

I don't think anyone should be forced to do school trips before they are ready, always encourage but never force.

CorpseReviver · 19/05/2022 11:20

ancientgran · 18/05/2022 22:31

Then they can't afford to run the trip. They can't, or shouldn't, benefit one group by disadvantaging another group.

Show quote history

You think that 30/60/90 children should miss out on a significant and exciting learning experience because one child doesn't want to go ?

Swayingpalmtrees · 19/05/2022 11:25

Cocoabutterkim I am really glad you were not my parent. Poor kids!