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Original poster

2 days off for a wedding

167 replies

lollipoprainbow · 10/02/2022 22:26

We have a family wedding in May in Wales and I have requested my dd9 is away from school on the Friday and the Monday. It has been refused ! What do I do now. It's non negotiable to be honest and she won't be at school those two days. I like the headteacher and don't want to fall out with her.

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Nishkin · 11/02/2022 07:20

But no one has said you shouldn’t go to the wedding- literally no-one has said that. People have questioned whether it needs to be 4 days which depends on the length of the journey really. Which you didn’t answer.

Summerfun54321 · 11/02/2022 07:20

It’s been refused which means it isn’t marked into the register in advance. So now on the Friday morning you phone in to school and say your daughter won’t be in and the same on Monday, phone in in the morning. Say she’s ill or at a wedding or whatever it doesn’t matter, it’s just marked down as unauthorised absence.

KateTheEighth · 11/02/2022 07:21

The head can't change her mind

Just email and say I understand it can't be authorised but she won't be in school on those days

Then forget about it

lumpofcomfort · 11/02/2022 07:23

Don't appeal - they do not have the power to authorise the absence in the circumstances you describe. Special circumstances are extremely limited and dictated by government.

If your DD is a regular attender there will be no consequence. In my school we find it hard enough to get consequences for serial poor attenders.

Howshouldibehave · 11/02/2022 07:30

it's non negotiable that my daughter attends and misses school for a couple of days

Why is it ‘non negotiable’ that she misses school on the Monday?!

Stop thinking about appeals and being disappointed and writing emails. The government changed their minds about attendance in state schools and made it very difficult for parents and heads to allow any time off for children. This doesn’t appear to be a problem at all in private/public schools, interestingly-it is fine if they attend family weddings.

Take your child to the wedding-miss one day of school. You don’t need to miss the Monday though, do you? That just sounds like a holiday.

potoroo · 11/02/2022 07:31

No need to say you're disappointed as it isn't up to the discretion of the Head. They're bound by policy.

Many years ago I informed my son's Head that I was taking him out of school to spend time with his grandparents.
My parents were visiting from abroad and we only get to see them every few years.

The official answer was that the absence was unauthorized.
The unofficial answer was something like "We don't expect DS to be in school for those days and hopes he has a wonderful time."

Mumdiva99 · 11/02/2022 07:32

@lollipoprainbow just reply to the email - if this was via email 'thanks for the response. I understand that you are unable to authorise this, however my child will be absent on those days.'

Original poster
lollipoprainbow · 11/02/2022 07:33

@Mumdiva99 the form was sent back to me in an envelope !

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 11/02/2022 07:40

All it means is you may get a fine. The exceptional circumstances ate very limited (such as Forces children having a few days with a parent before they go away for months).

NameChange30 · 11/02/2022 07:40

I don't understand why you can't drive to Wales after school on Friday - or collect your DD early (after lunch maybe) and go then. And drive back on Sunday afternoon so she doesn't miss school on Monday.

I would take DC out of school if necessary but this seems completely unnecessary, surely you can all still attend the wedding without taking two full days out of school.

Woahthehorsey · 11/02/2022 07:41

I don't really understand the issue. You just go to the wedding and she doesn't go to school. What exactly do you think is going to happen?

But I also don't know why you can't travel after school on Friday or home on Sunday.

FrecklesMalone · 11/02/2022 07:45

God it's so restrictive now when ds1 was little we used to be allowed 2 weeks off for any reason if there attendance was otherwise ok.

Original poster
lollipoprainbow · 11/02/2022 07:46

*I don't really understand the issue. You just go to the wedding and she doesn't go to school. What exactly do you think is going to happen?
*
I'll get fined ???

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 11/02/2022 07:47

As others have said, you just email in to the school office saying your DC will be off those days and you understand it will be unauthorised.

TeenPlusCat · 11/02/2022 07:48

You won't tend to get fined for just 2 days.

Eightiesfan · 11/02/2022 07:48

@lollipoprainbow

Do I need to go back to her and tell her that my dd will not be at school for those two days? I was quite surprised to be refused to be honest, what am I supposed to do? Leave my daughter at home and go to the wedding without her !! It's only 2 days too not a whole week or anything.
OP, the school will not give permission. Just phone up on the days she is absent and leave a message that your daughter will not be in school that day, no need to go into detail all the school needs to know is that she will not be in.
Original poster
lollipoprainbow · 11/02/2022 07:49

For everyone so fascinated as to why we are going Friday and coming back Monday it's all to do with our accommodation bookings check in and out times. We have to check in early Friday and we have to stay an extra night (Sunday) as three nights is the minimum we can stay for. It was so hard to find any accommodation with less restrictive terms. I'm honestly gobsmacked that 2 days is refused, a week I could totally understand.

OP posts:
BuanoKubiamVej · 11/02/2022 07:49

Just go. It's ok.

The head isn't legally allowed to authorise the absence but won't actually mind you taking the decision to take your DD anyway. Having an unauthorised absence on the books doesn't matter very much as a one-off so long as general attendance is good. Even if you get fined (unlikely) the amount is just part of the cost of attending the wedding, it doesn't make you a bad parent and doesn't mean that the school or teachers are angry at you. It's ok to accept that what you are choosing is against the policy of the department for education which only allows authorised absence in extremely exceptional circumstances (a family wedding doesn't qualify unless it's the wedding of the child's own parents)

Whinge · 11/02/2022 07:49

You're very very unlikely to get fined for missing 2 days, but if the risk of being fined bothers you then you could leave Friday afternoon and return on the Sunday. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Inspectorslack · 11/02/2022 07:52

You could travel Friday evening after school and come back Sunday?

Even with the accommodation you could ask for a key to be left and 3 days might be the minimum but you don’t have to stay the 3rd night.

I’d pick different accommodation or stay with family?

Howshouldibehave · 11/02/2022 07:53

We have to check in early Friday and we have to stay an extra night (Sunday) as three nights is the minimum we can stay for

You don’t ‘have to’…you can just leave on the Sunday and take her back to school on the Monday. I can see that you clearly don’t want to, but you can!!!

I'm honestly gobsmacked that 2 days is refused

The government are shit, aren’t they? I’m sure the head agrees.

whysoserious123 · 11/02/2022 07:54

Oh for goodness sake some people no here !

Don't give it any more thought.

Yes you could leave after school on Friday and come back Sunday but you want to come back on Monday and that is that !

Your daughter missing two days of school is nothing and do you know what after this whole Covid mess it's about time we all spent time with our families and friends ! Maybe she won't learn maths on those two days but she will learn what friendship and family is, about love and happiness and about how you need to come together and you can be happy after something tragic happens !

Sorry for the loss of your sister that's awful ! Do what you want OP ! If it makes the school feel better ask them for the work she will be missing but I wouldn't bother let your 9 year old have some fun ! And you too !

CeeceeBloomingdale · 11/02/2022 07:56

@lollipoprainbow

For everyone so fascinated as to why we are going Friday and coming back Monday it's all to do with our accommodation bookings check in and out times. We have to check in early Friday and we have to stay an extra night (Sunday) as three nights is the minimum we can stay for. It was so hard to find any accommodation with less restrictive terms. I'm honestly gobsmacked that 2 days is refused, a week I could totally understand.
You can phone and let them know you are arriving late and you can leave any time you like. Check in and out times are the earlier/latest times but you don't need at adhere to them. You are being very defensive at questions you didn't cover in your opening post. Essentially it sounds like you want to make a long weekend of it and enjoy the maximum time in the accommodation, which is fine. That is a short break, so you may be fined. A Saturday wedding does not require time off school, you are choosing to extend the trip and it will be an unauthorised absence. The headteacher cannot authorise it, they are bound by rules.
PurpleDaisies · 11/02/2022 07:57

You are choosing to take those extra days. It’s absolutely your choice and you should just own it. You’re writing as if you’re a passive victim of the accommodation you’ve booked yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with choosing to take the extra days off. The head has also done nothing wrong in not authorising it (because of the strict criteria.

Send a short, factual email with the dates so it can be marked on the register. Nothing will happen.

Frazzled2207 · 11/02/2022 07:57

No way would this ever be approved. You just go anyway.