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Original poster

School refuses independent after school discharge.

230 replies

Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 17:51

Hi all.

I need your guidance and expertise, please.

After a scrupulous research and long conversations me and my wife decided that our children are mature enough and the conditions are favourable for an independent walk back home from school.

Our son is y.5 (9y.o.) and our daughter is in y.3 (8y.o.), although very often she is the more mature one.

After an email exchange with the school we've been partially refused as the school has "legal safeguarding duties" and "other schools in the borough do the same" and they don't allow children younger than y.5 to walk back home unaccompanied. The 9y.o. Is fine coming back by himself (and he's loving it!)

I've got several questions her:

  • isin't it the whole point of the government guidance is to leave the decision to individual parents?
  • isn't the school infringing on my rights?
  • I haven't been asked any questions by the school; how long is the walk? (0.3miles, considering that she will join her brother after 100 yards that's even less), how long will they be alone for (30 minutes). Hiw does the route looks like? (leafy, residential area l, crossing a road only once, residential road, barely any cars), Why there is no individual approach in contacts with the parents despite learning individualisation being on top of the agenda?
  • Are there any services that I can contact if I feel I've been mistreated?
  • what would you do next if you're 100% positive she's ready and safe to walk back independently?

Sorry for my rant, but I just feel we've been denied something here.

Our daughter is mature and responsible, she is on top of her learning being one of the best in the class. There is no social care involvement and we're both education professionals with tight grip around our children wellbeing.

OP posts:
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Tiredmum100 · 21/09/2021 20:54

My dc are in year 5 and year 3. No way would I let them walk home alone to be honest.

Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 20:55

It fine, better work on your reading comprehension

😂😂😂

EileenGC · 21/09/2021 20:56

Look at you OP, copying others' ideas and words Grin

Had you ever come across the concept 'reading comprehension' before today? It's good to know you liked it enough and are now using it yourself! Grin

titchy · 21/09/2021 21:02

Just because your child can read a Harry potter book doesn't mean they can be left safely
What if there is an accident at home how can they handle that ?
Expelliarmus?

CyclingIsNotOuting · 21/09/2021 21:03

Walking home the other day I passed a young schoolgirl sitting on her doorstep.
I asked if she was ok and she said she had her key but couldn’t work the lock.
I said I would help her, she gave me the key and I opened the door and let her in.

She didn’t hesitate to give me her door key. I’m a complete stranger to this child. She had junior school uniform on, so I assume yr 6. She was obviously savvy enough to do the journey home safely but then happily handed her door key over to a stranger.

I don’t think your DC should be walking home or being left in a house without an adult for 25/3 minutes at age 8.

Original poster
Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 21:03

@MrsBobDylan

What's the difference between leaving an 8yr old home alone compared to a 13yr old?

5 years of experience, brain development and maturity. I'm worried I had to add that up for you op.

Yes, I do belive that you've got poor comprehension if that's what you've gathered from my previous post.
OP posts:
spicedappledonuts · 21/09/2021 21:04

I'm asking for advice how to exercise my rights,

You don't have rights as a parent, you aren't an American.
You have responsibilities this is a completely different concept.

You aren't going to be able to shift the school on their basic safeguarding rules.

Original poster
Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 21:06

@CyclingIsNotOuting

Walking home the other day I passed a young schoolgirl sitting on her doorstep. I asked if she was ok and she said she had her key but couldn’t work the lock. I said I would help her, she gave me the key and I opened the door and let her in.

She didn’t hesitate to give me her door key. I’m a complete stranger to this child. She had junior school uniform on, so I assume yr 6. She was obviously savvy enough to do the journey home safely but then happily handed her door key over to a stranger.

I don’t think your DC should be walking home or being left in a house without an adult for 25/3 minutes at age 8.

I do understand all your arguments, they are all valid but I would like to live in the world where the above behaviour is normal, desired. I don't see anything wrong with asking stranger for help. Why would I?
OP posts:
Original poster
Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 21:11

If I can sum it up in one sentence: there is no chance for the school to change its position and you'll be a twat if you push, kids are fine until somethings happened.

OP posts:
cantkeepawayforever · 21/09/2021 21:13

would like to live in the world where the above behaviour is normal, desired. I don't see anything wrong with asking stranger for help. Why would I?

It sounds to me as if it is possible - by wishing the world to be different from how it is - you are doing your children a further disservice, by not adequately preparing them for the risks they may encounter.

However, I repeat again - it is NOT the walking home - I presume that this is a route walked alongside many of their peers and other adults, who would in extremis notice an accident involving your child and e.g. call an ambulance or the school so you can be notified. It is the walking home to an empty house and being there for 30+ minutes unattended that concerns me.

cansu · 21/09/2021 21:17

The Y3 child is too young. The school have a duty of care to hand the child over to an adult. You are being ridiculous.

EileenGC · 21/09/2021 21:18

@Barrelofwine

If I can sum it up in one sentence: there is no chance for the school to change its position and you'll be a twat if you push, kids are fine until somethings happened.
Well put. At least you can understand what people have been trying to explain.

I would now go to your wife and say the exact same thing, and that you've given up on your idea of your young children being by themselves every afternoon.

I say that as someone who - less than 15 years ago, so recently - was left to care for 3 children under the age of 5 (siblings and a neighbour's kid), when I was just 8 years old. We were all fine and it did teach me independence - but NO way would I do that with my own children.

JellyBellies · 21/09/2021 21:20

My year 5 and year 3 children walked home alone together, distance was similar 0.3 miles.

The difference was:
My year 5 child picked up his brother from the classroom.
They were not going to an empty house. I hired a student to look after them from 3.30 to 6 everyday until I got home.

Original poster
Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 21:20

@cantkeepawayforever

would like to live in the world where the above behaviour is normal, desired. I don't see anything wrong with asking stranger for help. Why would I?

It sounds to me as if it is possible - by wishing the world to be different from how it is - you are doing your children a further disservice, by not adequately preparing them for the risks they may encounter.

However, I repeat again - it is NOT the walking home - I presume that this is a route walked alongside many of their peers and other adults, who would in extremis notice an accident involving your child and e.g. call an ambulance or the school so you can be notified. It is the walking home to an empty house and being there for 30+ minutes unattended that concerns me.

This is subjective again, you're making assumption that this will make a disservice.

And as far as i can tell to change the world you need to change yourself. I'm going to teach my kids that's its ok to trust people and great things will come out if it.

OP posts:
cantkeepawayforever · 21/09/2021 21:20

If the school has a safeguarding policy that sets a minimum limit on when children can walk home alone, then no, you are unlikely to change it.

Any school would have concerns about 2 young children returning home to an empty house after school every day, and if they became aware of it they would raise this as a safeguarding issue, with you at least and possibly with other professionals.

Pushing forcefully for the 'walking home together and then being home alone for 30 minutes' with the school would be likely to raise further concerns about a child's parenting (remembering that neglect is a form of abuse, and that can include failing to adequately foresee and mitigate risks to your child).

And yes, risk is like that - nothing can happen 9 times out of 10, but if the 1 in 10 risk is foreseeable and severe, then you have to take account of it. I can walk out of my front door across the road without looking and may not be run over, but that doesn't make it a good thing to do.

Mammyloveswine · 21/09/2021 21:23

Schools have to have a blanket policy to avoid neglectful patents of younger children insisting their children can walk home alone..

Older children (upper key stage 2) will be getting ready for the transition to secondary school and making their own way there.

You are not coming across well talking about your "rights" when school have a duty of safeguarding

Original poster
Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 21:23

@JellyBellies

My year 5 and year 3 children walked home alone together, distance was similar 0.3 miles.

The difference was:
My year 5 child picked up his brother from the classroom.
They were not going to an empty house. I hired a student to look after them from 3.30 to 6 everyday until I got home.

2.5h and 30 minutes is a considerable difference. It wouldn't cross my mind to do it. 25 minutes, not every day, i think it's totally fine with independant kids.
OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 21:24

I'm going to teach my kids that's its ok to trust people and great things will come out if it.

Yes trust the man in the van with the sweeties! Go and look at the strangers puppies! Of course that weirdo is your friend go and play!

It’s ok, you’re clearly a troll as no one is actually that thick Smile

cantkeepawayforever · 21/09/2021 21:26

One of the things that changes as children get older is their ability to judge who is trustworthy, and to assess risks, so just because I would not trust an 8 year old to adequately judge who to give their house key to (and therefore we teach very simple rules like if you are lost or in trouble, approach 'the mum of someone in your class' or 'a lady with children with them' or 'a policeman') doesn't mean that I teach my children to be suspicious and fearful as young adults, or that they don't want to change the world.

It seems mad to choose to put your children at risk just in pursuit of a principle....

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2021 21:26

When I was at junior school, children, who went home to an empty house were known as latchkey children. At 9, I thought it wrong for one of the kids in my class to walk the short distance home and let herself in. You still haven’t worked that out and you’re likely in your 40’s. The school is in loco parentis. I’m glad your dw seems to have more sense.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 21/09/2021 21:30

@Barrelofwine

Why I feel I'm being attacked for exercising my rights? There is no legal age for an independent walk home for a reason. Otherwise it would be stated clearly.
Agree that it should be up to the parents.

Schools in Scotland don't seem to have these blanket rules that a child under a certain age or year group can't leave alone, or with a sibling. We live very close to school (probably about 200m door to door) and my kids were bringing themselves home from the age of about 6.

JellyBellies · 21/09/2021 21:31

If something went wrong in those 25 min, how would you find out? What if you were delayed on your way home?

Leaving them both home alone for 25 min is fine. But for them to walk home alone from school, unlock and relock the door and wait for you has too many things that can go wrong.

bellsbuss · 21/09/2021 21:31

Our school don't allow until year 5, when I was at school I was walking home with friends from age 8. I wouldn't do the same though.

Boombadoom · 21/09/2021 21:32

I have a y3 child who is exceptionally responsible but I wouldn’t allow this. Not sure why it’s so difficult for you to collect your child…

Rules are there in every school y5 plus… they won’t change because you don’t want to do the school run.

cantkeepawayforever · 21/09/2021 21:33

Kingsley, would it be OK in Scotland for children of that age to go home and look after themselves independently for 30+ minutes until an adult came home?

The OP was not initially upfront about this, but the plan is for the 2 children (9 and 8, though 2 school years apart) to walk home and then look after themselves for 30 minutes at home with no adult present.