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Original poster

School refuses independent after school discharge.

230 replies

Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 17:51

Hi all.

I need your guidance and expertise, please.

After a scrupulous research and long conversations me and my wife decided that our children are mature enough and the conditions are favourable for an independent walk back home from school.

Our son is y.5 (9y.o.) and our daughter is in y.3 (8y.o.), although very often she is the more mature one.

After an email exchange with the school we've been partially refused as the school has "legal safeguarding duties" and "other schools in the borough do the same" and they don't allow children younger than y.5 to walk back home unaccompanied. The 9y.o. Is fine coming back by himself (and he's loving it!)

I've got several questions her:

  • isin't it the whole point of the government guidance is to leave the decision to individual parents?
  • isn't the school infringing on my rights?
  • I haven't been asked any questions by the school; how long is the walk? (0.3miles, considering that she will join her brother after 100 yards that's even less), how long will they be alone for (30 minutes). Hiw does the route looks like? (leafy, residential area l, crossing a road only once, residential road, barely any cars), Why there is no individual approach in contacts with the parents despite learning individualisation being on top of the agenda?
  • Are there any services that I can contact if I feel I've been mistreated?
  • what would you do next if you're 100% positive she's ready and safe to walk back independently?

Sorry for my rant, but I just feel we've been denied something here.

Our daughter is mature and responsible, she is on top of her learning being one of the best in the class. There is no social care involvement and we're both education professionals with tight grip around our children wellbeing.

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ShiteningMcQueen · 21/09/2021 20:32

@Barrelofwine

Thank you all for the well weighted responses and for the venomous ones too!

I had a bit of a punt here.

The truth is that my wife never agreed to my idea of the 8 y.o. Walking back unaccompanied. It was just my take on the polite email to school exploring this possibility.

Nevertheless I believe that it should be up to the parent what happens to the the child after the statutory school hours are over, not to the school.

Christ, your poor wife having to putting up with all this shit on a regular basis.

If she's got any sense she'll take the kids and leave and then your so-called child care problem will be solved overnight......

EileenGC · 21/09/2021 20:32

Nevertheless I believe that it should be up to the parent what happens to the the child after the statutory school hours are over, not to the school.

You mean parents? Or was your wife only good to stay at home and raise the kids?

These decisions need to be taken together. It's not only your opinion that's valid here.

As an aside note, you're welcome to move to Germany, where children walk on their own to and from school from the age of 6. You might find like-minded dads who love talking about whose child's intelligence is superior, who reads the most, and who plays the less PlayStation. You'd fit right in.

Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 20:34

About 5 years

NoSquirrels · 21/09/2021 20:34

And from a legal point of view what's the difference in leaving 8y.o. alone compering to 13y.o.?

And from a legal POV what’s the difference between leaving a 5 year old and an 8 year old?

You’re being daft.

Original poster
Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 20:35

@EileenGC

Nevertheless I believe that it should be up to the parent what happens to the the child after the statutory school hours are over, not to the school.

You mean parents? Or was your wife only good to stay at home and raise the kids?

These decisions need to be taken together. It's not only your opinion that's valid here.

As an aside note, you're welcome to move to Germany, where children walk on their own to and from school from the age of 6. You might find like-minded dads who love talking about whose child's intelligence is superior, who reads the most, and who plays the less PlayStation. You'd fit right in.

You're are all very welcome..
OP posts:
Original poster
Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 20:36

@NoSquirrels

And from a legal point of view what's the difference in leaving 8y.o. alone compering to 13y.o.?

And from a legal POV what’s the difference between leaving a 5 year old and an 8 year old?

You’re being daft.

That's precisely the point, it's very subjective and I'm sure you all can find y. 11 that shouldn't be home alone.
OP posts:
EileenGC · 21/09/2021 20:38

You're are all very welcome..

I don't see how this sentence replies to anything in my previous comment?

Your children might benefit from an extra 25 minutes at school to be fair. Someone there could teach them reading comprehension, which you seem to lack.

Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 20:39

Year 11 as in nearly 16 or 16 and able to join the army, move out, get a job.
Is less mature than an 8 year old who relies on her parents for everything.
Sure.

cantkeepawayforever · 21/09/2021 20:39

I think the 'walking home together' in Y5 and Y3, on a safe route with many other children going the same way, is possible IF A PARENT OR CARER IS THERE TO MEET THEM - ie if there is an adult to whom they can immediately run, who will be alert to them being 5 minutes late, who can be on the spot within a few moments if they trip over or are hurt or frightened on the way home.

It is the combination of walking home together and the 30 minutes in an empty house that concerns me - nobody to console them if something goes wrong, nobody to notice they are late or don't get home, nobody to gradually do the 'I'll wait outside the gate / I'll wait on the corner / I'll wait by the road that you cross / I'll see you as you get in' training.

As a teacher, a child who walks home with their older sibling along a well-known route with a crowd of schoolfellows and their accompanying adults would not overly worry me (though it depends on the area whether that would fit into reasonable safeguarding protocols, which for good reason are school-specific - a previous school had a hand-to-hand policy where no child could be released from a staff hand except directly to an authorised parent's or carer's hand, for particular child protection reasons). A child who returned to an empty house every day, who was expected to care for themselves and a younger sibling - that would be something i would be passing on to the safeguarding lead.

gingercatsparky · 21/09/2021 20:40

What would your reaction be in they had an accident or something happened on their way home? I think the school might be worried they would be held responsible as technically they are responsible for your child until they are picked up.

NoSquirrels · 21/09/2021 20:41

Yes, Barrel, but neither school nor your 8-yr-old’s other parent agreed with your assessment of maturity!

cantkeepawayforever · 21/09/2021 20:41

@Mymapuddlington

Year 11 as in nearly 16 or 16 and able to join the army, move out, get a job. Is less mature than an 8 year old who relies on her parents for everything. Sure.
There are, obviously, some young people of Y11 age who will never live or travel independently. A small minority, but they do exist.
Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 20:44

@cantkeepawayforever yes of course, my son will be one of them.
I was going on the assumption of neurotypical children as ops children likely are.

cantkeepawayforever · 21/09/2021 20:45

@gingercatsparky

What would your reaction be in they had an accident or something happened on their way home? I think the school might be worried they would be held responsible as technically they are responsible for your child until they are picked up.
No, school would worry about whether the child was at risk of harm, under their safeguarding duty - not who would be 'judged to be responsible', simply whether the child was at risk.

I am required to report, via the appropriate routes, any evidence of safeguarding concerns wherever the child is and whoever might be 'technically responsible'. If you think about it, that is obvious - otherwise nobody would be required to report any evidence of neglect or abuse that was occurring when a child was 'technically' under the care of a parent or carer.

SunbathingDragon · 21/09/2021 20:45

If you want them to be allowed to walk home you are going to have to find another school for them to attend and I’d be surprised if there is one that will agree, let alone one within walking distance.

Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 20:45

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Cbtb · 21/09/2021 20:45

25yrs ago I walked home from y3 on my own and this was seen as quite out there then and the school weren’t that hall. About a quarter of a mile one small road to cross. But my mum was in the house waiting for me. When it was suggested I also walk My sister home a few years later when I was y5 and her y2 I refused and the school backed me up. The fear of being responsible for my sister, of having to ensure she didn’t get run over and die was terrifying. If something happens to the little one the older one will blame themselves for the rest of their life.

Cbtb · 21/09/2021 20:46

School weren’t that happy not hall

Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 20:46

I just know that deep inside you're really gratfull for somone like me that came along so you can vent all your insecurities.

You spelled common sense wrong.

MrsBobDylan · 21/09/2021 20:49

What's the difference between leaving an 8yr old home alone compared to a 13yr old?

5 years of experience, brain development and maturity. I'm worried I had to add that up for you op.

prh47bridge · 21/09/2021 20:50

And from a legal point of view what's the difference in leaving 8y.o. alone compering to 13y.o.?

From a legal point of view, not much. From a safeguarding point of view, a huge difference.

EileenGC · 21/09/2021 20:52

I just know that deep inside you're really gratfull for somone like me that came along so you can vent all your insecurities.

And you're are welcome any time. I'm glad I could make your day.

Grateful.
Someone.
You're or you are. Not both combined.

Which insecurities? I've simply mentioned it might be wise to take your wife's thoughts on board and make a decision together.

Thankfully my day was made by some amazing people I spent it with - a Mumsnet thread isn't the highlight of my existence, although you might not understand that.

ComDummings · 21/09/2021 20:52

“My rights” it’s not about you. It’s about the safety of your child.

worriedatthemoment · 21/09/2021 20:52

Just because your child can read a Harry potter book doesn't mean they can be left safely
What if there is an accident at home how can they handle that ? They may do ok or may not
You would likely have ss checking on iu if you leave 2 children that age alone so school would be least of your worries
What if you have an accident on way home and are later ?
My ds year 8 came home to our house burgled ? So many scenarios that an 8 year old may not be prepared for that even as an adult we may struggle

Barrelofwine · 21/09/2021 20:53

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