School refuses independent after school discharge.

[Barrelofwine]

Hi all.

I need your guidance and expertise, please.

After a scrupulous research and long conversations me and my wife decided that our children are mature enough and the conditions are favourable for an independent walk back home from school.

Our son is y.5 (9y.o.) and our daughter is in y.3 (8y.o.), although very often she is the more mature one.

After an email exchange with the school we've been partially refused as the school has "legal safeguarding duties" and "other schools in the borough do the same" and they don't allow children younger than y.5 to walk back home unaccompanied. The 9y.o. Is fine coming back by himself (and he's loving it!)

I've got several questions her:

• isin't it the whole point of the government guidance is to leave the decision to individual parents?

• isn't the school infringing on my rights?

• I haven't been asked any questions by the school; how long is the walk? (0.3miles, considering that she will join her brother after 100 yards that's even less), how long will they be alone for (30 minutes). Hiw does the route looks like? (leafy, residential area l, crossing a road only once, residential road, barely any cars), Why there is no individual approach in contacts with the parents despite learning individualisation being on top of the agenda?

• Are there any services that I can contact if I feel I've been mistreated?

• what would you do next if you're 100% positive she's ready and safe to walk back independently?

Sorry for my rant, but I just feel we've been denied something here.

Our daughter is mature and responsible, she is on top of her learning being one of the best in the class. There is no social care involvement and we're both education professionals with tight grip around our children wellbeing.

The main difference between 8-9 yo and 12-13 yo is physical strength. 12-13yo girls are often as tall as the grown up women. At 12-13 children have more chances to protect themselves from any threat.
I grew up in a country where child protection rules where not very strict. My parents would lock me at home with younger siblings since I was 5 but they taught me to be careful, not to leave the house if there is no adult in and not to open the door to strangers.
School started at the age of 7. It was 10 minutes walk and often one of parents would walk neighbors' children to and from the school.

Age of 8 or 9 is not the deadline to learn to be independent. Children can learn later when it is safer for them.
Btw, unlike the UK, there is no tradition to kick children out of homes once they turned 18.

@Lily7050 I agree with you complete around the strength thing. I am not saying walking at 8 is the be all to independence. Every child is different and it shouldn't really be a set age. Some 14 year olds shouldn't be left alone.

The issue around most western economies, particularly the US and UK, is exactly what you mention at the end. This idea that children magically become hyper independent as soon as they leave home is garbage. They are simply not prepared for that. The system didn't prepare them. They leave home with the expectation to look after themselves and live alone. Anxiety and depression is rife amongst these kids. They are then expected to work and earn enough for a house or get judged for going back home. All of this very traditional expectation is without a traditional childhood.

@Ziegfeld

I must say, things have changed a lot since I was at primary. I remember the school had a rule that you couldn’t cycle on the road until you’d done your cycling proficiency, which most kids did in the Easter holidays of y4 or y5. And once you’d passed, you could bike to and from school on your own. I also remember loads of kids in my class walking to school without their parents, although we lived a fair hike away so I generally preferred to get a lift and sometimes we’d stop and give them a lift too.

I don’t understand what has happened since then - are the streets really that much more unsafe? Have rates of child RTAs or abductions or
assaults materially decreased since all this safeguarding?

The streets are definitely not more unsafe. There's loads of statistics to show that it's only parents' perceptions which have changed.

The issue of stranger danger is pretty much the same as it was 30 years ago. Most danger to children still comes far more from someone they know or a family member.

For me it's nothing to do with abduction & everything to do with traffic, speeding drivers, parents parking illegally and kids being kept safe until they are age 10ish and can navigate this

I’m 51 and always lived far away from school, but peers walked to and from school at 6. My mother didn’t worry when I walked to friends’ houses after school to waiting parents or housekeepers. Going home alone is not optimal. Parents did it when I was young, but did so very reluctantly.