School refuses independent after school discharge.

[Barrelofwine]

Hi all.

I need your guidance and expertise, please.

After a scrupulous research and long conversations me and my wife decided that our children are mature enough and the conditions are favourable for an independent walk back home from school.

Our son is y.5 (9y.o.) and our daughter is in y.3 (8y.o.), although very often she is the more mature one.

After an email exchange with the school we've been partially refused as the school has "legal safeguarding duties" and "other schools in the borough do the same" and they don't allow children younger than y.5 to walk back home unaccompanied. The 9y.o. Is fine coming back by himself (and he's loving it!)

I've got several questions her:

• isin't it the whole point of the government guidance is to leave the decision to individual parents?

• isn't the school infringing on my rights?

• I haven't been asked any questions by the school; how long is the walk? (0.3miles, considering that she will join her brother after 100 yards that's even less), how long will they be alone for (30 minutes). Hiw does the route looks like? (leafy, residential area l, crossing a road only once, residential road, barely any cars), Why there is no individual approach in contacts with the parents despite learning individualisation being on top of the agenda?

• Are there any services that I can contact if I feel I've been mistreated?

• what would you do next if you're 100% positive she's ready and safe to walk back independently?

Sorry for my rant, but I just feel we've been denied something here.

Our daughter is mature and responsible, she is on top of her learning being one of the best in the class. There is no social care involvement and we're both education professionals with tight grip around our children wellbeing.

@Sirzy

There are also very few 8 and 9 year olds mature enough to not only travel independently but also be home alone regularly.

I’m guessing this is to do with not wanting to pay for after school childcare?

Partially that's the reason too, but like I've said, my kids have been raised in a responsible and carrying way. Mum stayed off work for years to foster inpendance, resilience and responsibility. Slapping "too young" lable or shouting you're doing it because you want to save money is pretty toxic IMO.

With all due respect, I'm asking for advice how to exercise my rights, how to approach school or other services. I'm very well thank you for parenting advice.

Welcome to Mumsnet! What an exciting topic for your first post.

Feel free to insist, don’t be surprised if social care do an unannounced visit soon after school finishes one day.

NsPcc advice

“ While every child is different, we wouldn't recommend leaving a child under 12 years old home alone, particularly for longer periods of time.

Children in primary school aged 6-12 are usually too young to walk home from school alone, babysit or cook for themselves without adult supervision. If you need to leave them home, it's worth considering leaving them at a friend's house, with family or finding some suitable childcare. We have advice about this below”

And legally “ Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.”

So I think from a safeguarding POV you (rightly so IMO) stand no chance of them changing their mind

You have no rights to force school to override their safeguarding procedure.

You arent being attacked and your rights aren't being infringed.

Schools don't often have rules they can apply individually.

I live about 20 yards, if that from ds school gate. I can see him come out of his class, walk to the gate and home, without losing sight of him. He wasn't allowed to walk himself home until he was at the back end of year 5.

I am also an educated professional. Wasn't offended, didn't think there should be several treatment because we are so close or because of my job.

Its a blanket rule, that's it.

Its coming across as though you and your partner just don't want to do the school run so are throwing words around like 'our rights' and 'attacked' to get your own way.

I’m all for kids being encouraged to be independent

Teach them to tie their laces, to get the bus to the local swimming pool, to cook basic meals and manage money themselves

This isn’t about teaching them to be independent it’s about two working adults wanting their kids to take themselves gone and babysit each other till they get back

isin't it the whole point of the government guidance is to leave the decision to individual parents?

I am not aware of any government guidance to this effect. Do you have a link?

isn't the school infringing on my rights?

No. The school has a duty to safeguard children. That takes precedence.

Why there is no individual approach in contacts with the parents despite learning individualisation being on top of the agenda?

If they have made the judgement that your daughter is too young to walk home alone regardless of the nature of the walk, they don't need to ask you any questions. They would, quite rightly, take the view that you cannot trust supervision by her older brother.

Are there any services that I can contact if I feel I've been mistreated?

The school will have a complaints policy. You can look into that and complain. That will probably result in your case being considered by the governors. However, I doubt you will be happy with the outcome.

Yet another example of a school who cares more about a child's wellbeing, than the parent who shouts about their so called rights

So many parents forget that it’s not about their rights it’s about their responsibilities

I had the same issue with school and my 8 year old, though actually they would have released to an older sibling!

Got round it in the end by asking him to be released to another parent in the playground who then let him go on his own. So school weren't letting him go on his own, they were releasing him to Billy's mum.

In Norway my friend's DC have been getting the bus home from school for years, walking down their street and letting themselves in. They get themselves to the bus stop in the morning too, have done since, iirc, they were about 7 or 8.

This is normal in Norway, it's seen as fostering independence and maturity. It was also normal in the UK well within living memory e.g. mine - I'm mid-50s and I can remember DC of 6 or 7 walking home with everyone else, anything up to 2/3 mile.

Some of my DC began making their own way home in Y5 (about a mile). This was frowned upon by some parents but the DC in question loved it.

When it comes to parenting it's more about your responsibilities, than it is your rights.

I am trying to work out why both of you can't share picking the kids up OR why you seem so desperate to avoid after school child care. As educated professionals, you must be able to stretch to it?

isn't the school infringing on my rights?

This is a very odd thing to say. What rights do you mean? If you're thinking you have parental rights, you don't. You have parental responsibility.

@crazyguineapiglady

I had the same issue with school and my 8 year old, though actually they would have released to an older sibling!

Got round it in the end by asking him to be released to another parent in the playground who then let him go on his own. So school weren't letting him go on his own, they were releasing him to Billy's mum.

Schools often do, but there's a limit in the age of the older sibling they will release them to. Usually over 9, more like around 12.

Also, if something happens to the child and Billy's mum is the adult in charge of the child at that time, it's her that would be the adult responsible for what happens.

how to exercise my rights

Again with your rights. They are irrelevant.

Our school is the same, even tho I can see the school from the kitchen window. 4 minute walk max.
Can’t do it until they are in year 5.
Was a non issue, school policy is school policy. Got bigger things to worry about!!

Are you at home when they get home?

@nyktipolos

When it comes to parenting it's more about your responsibilities, than it is your rights.

I am trying to work out why both of you can't share picking the kids up OR why you seem so desperate to avoid after school child care. As educated professionals, you must be able to stretch to it?

I am able to afford, I just think it's a less optimal decision, especially when the collection is at 3.30 and I'm home 3.55.

Come on i can't be on my own here!?

I really think that finishing all Harry Potter books at the age of 8 is more difficult than walking 0.3 miles with no busy streets, oppenjng the door and waiting for daddy for 25 mins while playing Prodigy maths.

You’re missing the point. They’re your responsibility so pick them up from school until they’re of an age where school will let them walk home independently. Like everyone else has to do.

Ah so now it’s not just walking home from school, it’s leaving two small children at home alone for 25 minutes.
What will you do when social services come knocking? Say you have a parental right to neglect your kids?

I don’t think their is a proven correlation between reading ability and self care ability. What a strange comparison.

And why the rush for them to grow up? Just so you can save a few pounds on childcare? However you try to word it they are 8 and 9.

If an accident happened while they where alone would you feel confident explaining your decision to social services?

Oh well, of course, if they're going to play Prodigy maths, that's ok then. Obviously, the family where the child would go home and play Grand Theft Auto on the PlayStation certainly shouldn't be allowed to walk home alone.

I really think that finishing all Harry Potter books at the age of 8 is more difficult than walking 0.3 miles with no busy streets, oppenjng the door and waiting for daddy for 25 mins while playing Prodigy maths.

Do give over. Reading Harry Potter by 8, is great. My avid reader is now 17. Not sure what relevance that has to walking home.

She is unlikely to get into much trouble reading a book. Her getting home, safely, is more dependent on other people.

The school's priority will be the welfare of the child.

It doesn't matter whether a child is top of the class or what her parents do for a living. Their focus will be on whether it's safe to let a child (who was still in KS1 just a few weeks ago) leave their care without an adult in sight.