School refuses independent after school discharge.

[Barrelofwine]

Hi all.

I need your guidance and expertise, please.

After a scrupulous research and long conversations me and my wife decided that our children are mature enough and the conditions are favourable for an independent walk back home from school.

Our son is y.5 (9y.o.) and our daughter is in y.3 (8y.o.), although very often she is the more mature one.

After an email exchange with the school we've been partially refused as the school has "legal safeguarding duties" and "other schools in the borough do the same" and they don't allow children younger than y.5 to walk back home unaccompanied. The 9y.o. Is fine coming back by himself (and he's loving it!)

I've got several questions her:

• isin't it the whole point of the government guidance is to leave the decision to individual parents?

• isn't the school infringing on my rights?

• I haven't been asked any questions by the school; how long is the walk? (0.3miles, considering that she will join her brother after 100 yards that's even less), how long will they be alone for (30 minutes). Hiw does the route looks like? (leafy, residential area l, crossing a road only once, residential road, barely any cars), Why there is no individual approach in contacts with the parents despite learning individualisation being on top of the agenda?

• Are there any services that I can contact if I feel I've been mistreated?

• what would you do next if you're 100% positive she's ready and safe to walk back independently?

Sorry for my rant, but I just feel we've been denied something here.

Our daughter is mature and responsible, she is on top of her learning being one of the best in the class. There is no social care involvement and we're both education professionals with tight grip around our children wellbeing.

Our school is clear that only dc year 5 and above can be independent walkers. I certainly walked in year 4 with my older brother but it’s different times. It does put extra strain on the school as they check walkers are in and call home if they’re not. You have to respect their rules.

Your 'rights' as a parent in this case extend to having the choice of education setting and abiding by the governance of that setting.

The school you chose after meticulous research I'm sure has a blanket rule based on those used widely across the county that yr3 children aren't allowed to leave the school independently.

That's it. Full stop. Just like the uniform rules you either abide by them or find alternative provision that aligns with your parenting principles.

A blanket safeguarding rule like this will be to protect children who have feckless parents who can't be bothered with doing school collection or being at home for their young no matter how intelligent child(ren). If you can't see that then your blinkers are on too tight. LEA provided education is about the majority, not the minority.

If you don't like it, move schools to one that shares your values or home school.

My 8 year old has completed reading the Harry Potter books in two languages (although has only managed the Narnia series in English), I still wouldn't let her walk the safe route home to us where the only road crossing is supervised by a lollipop person...because she's 8 and the risks outweigh her sensible nature and mature attitude.

Honestly, get a grip.

You may think it is safe, beneficial and reasonable, the school clearly disagree. You either try to change the policy or you find a school that agrees with your viewpoint ( good luck with that one! Even a school that has a different policy on walking age would be concerned about an 8 year old left in the sole care of a 9 year old!)

I think it's perfectly safe, beneficial and resonable to let my children walk back home and stay alone for 25 minutes

And luckily, there are some competent, sensible adults involved in the care of your children, who disagree with your stupid ideas.

I hope you keep pushing it with the school, because maybe some SS involvement wouldn’t go amiss

@Barrelofwine

Should have post a selfie with a "roast me" tag.

I don't agree at all.

I think you all skewd towards one end and I'm pretty confident that this would have a long lasting benefits for the kids.

Tightnes and restriction in the name of "Common good" and "risk avoidance" already replaced the family unit with the state.

So why ask?

Did you just expect people to queue to tell you how wonderful you are and help you get round the rules?

Or join in arms in a protest?

If you can't afford child care or can't be arsed. Just say so.

Pretending its purely in your child's vest interests, is bizarre.

@LetHimHaveIt

Clearly your children's 'Prodigious' intelligence far outstrips your own: you can't spell 'label', 'caring' or 'independence' 🙄 I hope to fuck you don't teach in Kent. And, no - they shouldn't be walking home. You're barking.

You're clearly a superior being to myself in this conversation.

How is this law breaking?

Look on the nspcc website. Ring social services. Then moan at them about your rights to neglect your kids.

Oh and no one has ever reminisced about the time they were home alone from school. Lots remember parents picking them up, asking about their day, going to friends houses, mum making them a sandwich when they got it, having a hot bath because it tipped it down on the way home.
The only person this benefits is you and if you’re so blind you really think you’re thinking of your kids please do ring social services as they deserve a hell of a lot better.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Check out Switzerland.

Children expected to find their own way to school from aged 5.

I don't think the OP lives in Switzerland...

So if something did happen would you feel confident in explaining the situation to social services?

What is the long-term benefit that will be lost by waiting until Yr 5?

How is this law breaking?

Because you are leaving your children without adequate supervision.

If something happens while your oldest is in charge, it won't be him who is held accountable. It will be you and your partner.

Even if you oldest is at home alone at aged 9, you are still accountable should something happen to him.

Year 3 being left alone for 30 minutes after walking home from school? Absolutely not okay. There’s a difference between fostering independence and shirking your parental responsibility. Parent your dc! I’m honestly pretty chilled and have 10yo twins. There’s a massive difference between 8 and 10. You’re not at this stage yet with your dc.

It doesn't matter how remarkably sensible you think your children are, their teachers whom are charged with safeguarding them disagree.

I really don't think there is any legal recourse for bullying a school to allow young children to leave their care for a period of unsupervised time at home.

I know you honestly believe that this will benefit your children but please do some research into the negative consequences of young children being 'latch key kids'.

You might be the expert on your children but the world's experts in child psychology very much disagree.

"Why am I being attacked?"

Welcome to mumsnet

The difficulty is if something goes wrong. You’re placing the responsibility of a very young child on another young child for 30 minutes, whether you like it or not. If the younger one was hurt or something then the older one would always blame themselves, whether you did or not.

I have a v grown up eight year old who I would trust to walk home alone (although he doesn’t, I pick him up). But last week he was released from school accidentally before I got there. He was in tears and just stood there and froze because the situation was a completely unfamiliar one. I genuinely would have expected him to cope fine with something like that and was pretty shocked by his reaction.

Kids do not have the adult resources to react in a coherent way when something goes wrong. The school knows this, which is why it would be negligent of them to release your kids knowing you are not at home.

@Mojoj

This is yet another example of school's interfering in a parent's choices. If you think your kids are mature enough, that should be the end of the matter. All this helicopter parenting is resulting in snowflake children with no street smarts and little to no resilience.

Too true.

Standard policy. Our school is summer term of year 5.

Regardless of how mature a child is they usually cannot safely judge traffic etc until age 10/11.

Check the Local Authority guidance. This cropped up in my school when a parent wanted their year 5 child to take their Reception child to school and home. The Head Teacher and I were against it as the Yr 5 child was not the most reliable. The HT checked with the LA and was told it was up to the parents.

Our son is y.5 (9y.o.) and our daughter is in y.3 (8y.o.), although very often she is the more mature one.

So essentially you're planning to leave your daughter in the care of a 9yr-old who is even less mature than she is.

My 8yo in Yr4 is more than capable of walking home from school... I can see the gate from my bedroom. She isn't allowed to, as the school rightly wants to confirm she is going home to a carer.
I let her go to the shop with her 10yo sister instead.

10yo is allowed to and from school instead. And I can see the difference in maturity between her and sister (and indeed the other Yr4s... they are a lot more impulsive than even the year 5s).

Do your job as a parent or pay someone to mind them. There’s no way any school in the UK would accept your request on safeguarding grounds.

But even in Switzerland are they coming home to an empty house? I suspect not.

Last year my dd was yr3. She stepped into the road once in a moment of loss of concentration. We watched road safety videos together and it suggested a child needs to be much older to judge speed.
I'd trust her at home but no way on a road.

I teach in Year 3 and Year 4. Would I leave any of them alone for 30 minutes? No way. This is just standard safeguarding. They are not old enough (whatever you think) to be left alone for that amount of time - and what if you were delayed? Or something happened to you? And streets are quiet until they're not. But hey, you get yourself frothed up about your 'rights'. What about your children's rights to be safe?

Don’t believe a word of this! What so called “Education Professionals” would think this was ok?