School refuses independent after school discharge.

[Barrelofwine]

Hi all.

I need your guidance and expertise, please.

After a scrupulous research and long conversations me and my wife decided that our children are mature enough and the conditions are favourable for an independent walk back home from school.

Our son is y.5 (9y.o.) and our daughter is in y.3 (8y.o.), although very often she is the more mature one.

After an email exchange with the school we've been partially refused as the school has "legal safeguarding duties" and "other schools in the borough do the same" and they don't allow children younger than y.5 to walk back home unaccompanied. The 9y.o. Is fine coming back by himself (and he's loving it!)

I've got several questions her:

• isin't it the whole point of the government guidance is to leave the decision to individual parents?

• isn't the school infringing on my rights?

• I haven't been asked any questions by the school; how long is the walk? (0.3miles, considering that she will join her brother after 100 yards that's even less), how long will they be alone for (30 minutes). Hiw does the route looks like? (leafy, residential area l, crossing a road only once, residential road, barely any cars), Why there is no individual approach in contacts with the parents despite learning individualisation being on top of the agenda?

• Are there any services that I can contact if I feel I've been mistreated?

• what would you do next if you're 100% positive she's ready and safe to walk back independently?

Sorry for my rant, but I just feel we've been denied something here.

Our daughter is mature and responsible, she is on top of her learning being one of the best in the class. There is no social care involvement and we're both education professionals with tight grip around our children wellbeing.

Why does it take 30 mins? Are they walking home and then staying alone for 30 mins?

Are you home when they get home?

In our school they won't release a younger sibling to a primary school aged sibling, they would have to be in secondary. I think this makes sense in n terms of the slightly older child having more awareness of what to do if something goes wrong. They're allowed to leave by themselves from Y5 onwards. I wouldn't leave them alone at home together at 9 & 8 (presumably just 8 if she's in Y3). Chances of them arguing, upsetting each other or doing damage are high, IMO.

@spanieleyes

Oh well, of course, if they're going to play Prodigy maths, that's ok then. Obviously, the family where the child would go home and play Grand Theft Auto on the PlayStation certainly shouldn't be allowed to walk home alone.

You are absolutely right here.

So you're teaching your DC independence by shouting about your completely irrelevant rights when you don't get your way? Super role model behaviour there.

The school has a duty to safe guard your children, and surely an educator understands that. RSPCC doesn't recommend primary aged children being left alone for extended periods and you appear to be proposing your 8 and 9 year olds walk home alone and then remain alone at home until you get back.

It's very young to have that level of responsibility, would both know what to in an emergency? If one was hurt or ill, a fire, intruder/attacker or any other situation they could find themselves in? Obviously some scenarios are more likely than others, but at a minimum do they know how to call for help, how to contact either parent or someone who can help them in an emergency?

Y3 is too young to walk home from school alone, or in the care of a y5. I don't care that they finished the Harry Potter books by age 8 and like to play prodigy maths.

My 8 year old read Harry Potter too but I wouldn't expect them to walk home alone, and to an empty house as well.

This is all for your convenience, none of us like paying for after school care but we do all like our kids to be safe.

do they know how to call for help, how to contact either parent or someone who can help them in an emergency?

Regardless, it’s neglect if they’re left alone so young and knowing what to do in an emergency won’t matter to social services. Especially when it’s just a case of parents can’t be arsed to arrange after school care

Ah so it’s not that they are walking home alone.

It’s that they are then on top of that home alone for THIRTY minutes.

Nope.

Wow. The school has rules for a reason, and they don't have to change it just for you.

After a scrupulous research and long conversations me and my wife decided that our children are mature enough and the conditions are favourable for an independent walk back home from school.

It’s a shame that within all your scrupulous research and long conversations, you didn’t bother to check that the school YOU chose to send your kids to, doesn’t actually allow this!

YABVU

What happens if you get delayed coming home from work? Your two children are alone with no adult. By the time they realise there's been a delay, they've been at home alone for over an hour.

Just pay someone to look after them for the 30 minutes.

Your children have rights. My very very responsible 12 year old - far ahead of her years and street wise had to sometimes wait 5-15 minutes at a busy cafe in the bus station - to be picked up. She had a mobile and was well versed in looking after herself and the lovely ladies in the cafe looked after all the girls that arrived in the bus station from their indie school whilst parents were picking up. Despite it being a cafe, her having her head in a book, lots of friends around and the ladies that work there looking out for her INSIDE the cafe- 4 times in 6 weeks she was hassled by men. One even took his phone out and started taking pictures of her saying she was amazing looking and could be a model. Get over yourself, it’s not necessarily how street wise they are - it’s others in society.

You clearly want Mumsnet and the NSPCC to change their views because you MUST be right. I don’t understand why you can’t ask a childminder to drop them off, put them a club for 30 minutes or whatever. If you are back within 25 minutes - go and pick them up in 30 minutes ? Walk and meet them?

It’s a shame your long conversations couldn’t have included the words ‘after school club’ or ‘childminder’ really.

Who will supervise them when they get home? I infer you expect them to let themselves in with a door key and then wait 30 mins for an adult to appear? Who will report them missing if they don’t arrive home in that time frame? If nobody is at home? FYI What the rest of us parents did at that age and stage is cough up for after school club or employ a childminder for school pick up. What’s all this about exercising your rights? School have a duty of care as do you.

There is a really easy solution to this, I don't see why you haven't done this already if you really want to give your children this independence?
Meet them at school, then let them walk home. Covers the school, puts responsibility back to you.
If you truly believe your child needs independence, there is your solution right there. Thank me later.

I really think that finishing all Harry Potter books at the age of 8 is more difficult than walking 0.3 miles with no busy streets, oppenjng the door and waiting for daddy for 25 mins while playing Prodigy maths.

My 6 year old has also read Harry Potter, does that mean they can walk the .4 miles home alone and be left alone in the house? no? Almost like reading and child safety aren't related.

Should have post a selfie with a "roast me" tag.

I don't agree at all.

I think you all skewd towards one end and I'm pretty confident that this would have a long lasting benefits for the kids.

Tightnes and restriction in the name of "Common good" and "risk avoidance" already replaced the family unit with the state.

@Barrelofwine

You literally asked for advice on how to get around rules that ensure the safety of your children in order for them to be home alone.

That is NEGLECT you ignorant tit. Jeez.

OP does it not give you pause for think that a group of your peers are all telling you that pursuing this is not a great idea?

I have super bright independent kids etc etc but I still made sure there was someone there to look after them when they were little. So should you.

You are just coming across as someone who wants their own way and isn’t putting their children first.

What will they do if the key gets lost?

@Barrelofwine

Should have post a selfie with a "roast me" tag.

I don't agree at all.

I think you all skewd towards one end and I'm pretty confident that this would have a long lasting benefits for the kids.

Tightnes and restriction in the name of "Common good" and "risk avoidance" already replaced the family unit with the state.

What long-lasting benefit is there that will be adversely affected by waiting 2 years?

This boils down to you can’t be arsed with the school run so are going to act like a twat about it

Nail firmly hit on head here I think.

[quote Mymapuddlington]@Barrelofwine

You literally asked for advice on how to get around rules that ensure the safety of your children in order for them to be home alone.

That is NEGLECT you ignorant tit. Jeez.[/quote]
No, I did not. Most of you is just having problem with my boundaries, as I think it's perfectly safe, beneficial and resonable to let my children walk back home and stay alone for 25 minutes.

How is this law breaking?

Clearly your children's 'Prodigious' intelligence far outstrips your own: you can't spell 'label', 'caring' or 'independence' 🙄 I hope to fuck you don't teach in Kent.
And, no - they shouldn't be walking home. You're barking.

Well of course you don’t agree otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here like a right roger. I was savaged by a dog on my way home from school when I was around her age and none of the kids around me knew what to do or were big enough to scare it away so I think you underestimate the potential risks. I was really fortunate that my mum was only 2 mins away and heard the commotion, if she hadn’t I might very well have died as it is I have permanent scars.

You sound foolish. Spoiling for a fight over your "rights" to the detriment of losing sight of your children's best interests. Are you Laurence Fox??