Page 9 | Removing reward badges on first pay back as punishment for behaviour in two zoom classes?

ConcernedAboutRules · 2021-03-07T22:36:08+00:00

Basically, DS who is normally very well behaved has been playing the class jokester on one or two zoom calls. He has been warned previously for this. Nothing too serious in my opinion. Now teacher has told him to expect to hand over all the badges and special jumper he's earned for various things and that he will no longer be on the school council etc. as soon as he arrives back during morning registration. Am I the only one thinking this is really unreasonable punishment given the situation and the fact he's known as 'the badge kid'?

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Bunnybigears · 11/03/2021 19:44

And you found out about this internal exclusion for a violent incident when calling the school about an unrelated matter?! If all this is exactly as it happened then the school isn't very good at communicating. First the teacher told you DS had been a little disruptive but actually he had been giving people the middle finger and then they didn't call you to tell you about the exclusion you called them and they mentioned it?

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 19:49

@SoupDragon

Tapes them on himself. Certainly not coming from me.

You condoned it by letting him though.

I do think this is better to have happened now then when he transfers to secondary school though.

In what sense re secondary school?

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AccidentallyOnPurpose · 11/03/2021 19:53

@Bunnybigears

And you found out about this internal exclusion for a violent incident when calling the school about an unrelated matter?! If all this is exactly as it happened then the school isn't very good at communicating. First the teacher told you DS had been a little disruptive but actually he had been giving people the middle finger and then they didn't call you to tell you about the exclusion you called them and they mentioned it?

The teacher tried, repeatedly, to get in touch with OP over the lockdown incident. She left voice mails. OP's son deleted all those voice mails.

As for today, by the sounds of OP's comment it was a scheduled call with the teacher.

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 19:54

Have just spoken to the school DS has not reacted to the change well and when another kid asked about his badges and suggested he'd told off he tried to rip the other kids sticks off it got physical. The punishment will be suspended until he's had a week to settle back in as average joe pupil. The school apparently wanted a phone call this evening in any case as internal all be it suspended exclusion is for the behaviour which happen today He's also lied about what a teacher said again.

As for the reason for my phone call the conversation went more like this before the class started for register as to not attract attention:

Teacher: DS welcome back hang your coat up and we will have a chat.
DS: Hello miss I’m sorry for what happened.
Teacher: I’m sorry too but what I said stands and as I understand it, you're in trouble at home as well, it's a bit late now.
DS: Oh, come on miss what's it got to do with you what I did with my mums' phone?
Teacher: You have lied about what was going on at school and as you know online classes are subject to school rules don't backchat.
Teacher: (hands him the card which has also been confiscation) this is for your stickers I don't think you need to be wearing stickers from months ago in any case please take them off or I'll have to confiscate them.
DS: But miss I wasn't the only one X and Y where...
Teacher right let's talk outside. Important to note teacher says DS WAS NOT upset at this point other than trying to blame shift.

School is reviewing their rewards policy and teacher says she will be doing a sticker sweep in the morning of the class and dealing with other offenders on the zoom. As someone said earlier it's not as if the teacher called the class to attention to watch and announced it to everyone even if his punishment is highly visible due to its nature. I'm wondering at what point we went wrong with the rewards because it seemed HE liked them even keeping the stickers quite large ones taped on himself I'm surprised so many here where against that given, they are a good thing. I'm trying to frame this as imagine you're new to the school / having a fresh start. So, badge boy is no more and I'll be buying him his own blue jumper tomorrow.

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Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 19:56

Sorry for any typos above on a small keyboard.

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BugsAndBeesAndBirdsAndButterfl · 11/03/2021 19:56

They rang after 7pm at night?

You haven't answered if this is a private school? That might change some things.

Chunkyetfunky90 · 11/03/2021 19:59

They rang after 7pm at night?

You haven't answered if this is a private school? That might change some things.
No they phoned at 5:30, op was sorting her son out and has just updated the thread

LolaSmiles · 11/03/2021 19:59

Otherwise good students can make poor decisions. Sometimes parents can think their child is an angel but the reality isn't the case. This situation is a bit of both.

Behaviour in a school can't be managed by saying "Charlie is a good student and class rep so he can do X Y Z and get a warning, but Timmy is the 'naughty' child so if he breathes too loudly he gets in trouble".

It seems fair to me he lost his positions of responsibility given he has repeatedly badly behaved.

It sounds like he has been hoping that his good kid reputation was giving him immunity in the class because he's already been given many chances, and he's now annoyed that he isn't untouchable.

FeckinCat · 11/03/2021 20:02

DS: Oh, come on miss what's it got to do with you what I did with my mums' phone?

Ouch! He didn't exactly help himself there, did he?

Was the teacher able to tell you when this attitude started? Were there signs of it before the start of lockdown?

Myothercarisalsoshit · 11/03/2021 20:03

OP I feel for you. Somehow it seems like your boy's self esteem has got intertwined with his achievements - getting stickers and badges and the likes - I assume that this has come on slowly until it came to be seen as just a quirk and 'just him being him' - there's a bit to unpick here and it could be that the lockdown and perceived lack of status in front of his peers is what led to him taking it up a gear. For some reason he needs the validation that the jumper, the stickers and the badges gave him - this all needs to be investigated. The principle of forgiveness and putting things right needs to be applied though. He's made a mistake, nobody died and he needs to be helped to move on.

sherrystrull · 11/03/2021 20:05

Gosh that's a lot of back chat. Hugely disrespectful to speak like that to his teacher

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 20:07

@BugsAndBeesAndBirdsAndButterfl

They rang after 7pm at night?

You haven't answered if this is a private school? That might change some things.

No figure of speech took the call at 5:30. So what if it is private?

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Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 20:08

@Chunkyetfunky90

They rang after 7pm at night?

You haven't answered if this is a private school? That might change some things.
No they phoned at 5:30, op was sorting her son out and has just updated the thread

If it is so what. In reality it's just a supposedly very good state school.

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Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 20:10

@FeckinCat

DS: Oh, come on miss what's it got to do with you what I did with my mums' phone?

Ouch! He didn't exactly help himself there, did he?

Was the teacher able to tell you when this attitude started? Were there signs of it before the start of lockdown?

All lockdown really wondering if he should see someone at this point.

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Chunkyetfunky90 · 11/03/2021 20:12

Op I was replying to that poster, I don’t care where your son goes to school

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 20:13

@Myothercarisalsoshit

OP I feel for you. Somehow it seems like your boy's self esteem has got intertwined with his achievements - getting stickers and badges and the likes - I assume that this has come on slowly until it came to be seen as just a quirk and 'just him being him' - there's a bit to unpick here and it could be that the lockdown and perceived lack of status in front of his peers is what led to him taking it up a gear. For some reason he needs the validation that the jumper, the stickers and the badges gave him - this all needs to be investigated. The principle of forgiveness and putting things right needs to be applied though. He's made a mistake, nobody died and he needs to be helped to move on.

I tend to agree and it's not something I intended. I'm to understand other kids in the school save their stickers in the same way which as you can see from my post isn't going to be happening anymore from tomorrow morning. School suggested they may class them as non-uniform items if worn the next day. Yes, I'd suggest we always saw it as a delightful geeky little quirk of personality. I think maybe your right he feels like he already lost the badges etc. or what they represented to him during lockdown. I'm really thinking it's massively unhealthy now.

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Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 20:13

@Chunkyetfunky90

Op I was replying to that poster, I don’t care where your son goes to school

Ah sorry yes.

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HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 11/03/2021 20:17

Gosh his comment about the phone to his teacher is quite something.

I'd be having a fresh consideration of how his behaviour and attitude is towards you OP. Are you as strict as you think? Or has he gone from cheeky chappie to outright rude?

Hopefully this is a short sharp shock and he will learn from it.

Myothercarisalsoshit · 11/03/2021 20:17

Of course you didn't intend it OP and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it either - these things tnd to creep up. I'd be asking school about what they can put in place to help him build up his self esteem in more healthy ways. And in a way that is not about the colour of your jumper or how many badges or stickers you've got!

DisappearingGirl · 11/03/2021 20:19

Ah I feel for you OP. I think maybe what I'd do is have a chat with DS and back up the teacher a bit, but also try and draw a line under it so it doesn't continue to be a "thing".

E.g. you could say the teacher had to be strict because rude gestures on zoom was really naughty as was deleting messages from your phone. But then I'd perhaps try and get him to see the positive side and say it's probably a good time for a fresh start re badges - he did well to earn them but it'll be nice to have a fresh start with a different jumper rather than displaying the badges for ever. Re class rep you could say he's done a great job over the last x years but it'll be nice for someone else to have a turn (I think this is actually true - in my dd's class the same lovely girl keeps getting voted back in but I think it would be nice if they rotated it a bit!).

Then maybe you could find something positive to go forward with. E.g. you could say you know he's a good lad really and the teacher does too. And maybe you could do a tick chart or something so he gets a tick every day after school assuming there's been no reports of bad behaviour. We tend to do £1 for 10 ticks or similar.

Good luck!

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 20:20

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

Gosh his comment about the phone to his teacher is quite something.

I'd be having a fresh consideration of how his behaviour and attitude is towards you OP. Are you as strict as you think? Or has he gone from cheeky chappie to outright rude?

Hopefully this is a short sharp shock and he will learn from it.

We are VERY strict at home. But I'm concerned now that like I've already taken his devices away etc. school have done what they have done I'm not sure how else or if I should punish him for the continued bad behaviour? I'm at a loss.

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Stokey · 11/03/2021 20:20

The special jumper and badges seem a bit odd on the school's part as they encourage children to be competitive and difference. No wonder he is devastated to have lost them if they're made out to be such a big deal.

Someone earlier said you should have been supervising Zoom which I disagree with. OP has said she works and her son is Y5 so should be able to do class Zooms unsupervised, my Y6 & Y4s both did.

It sounds like you're a supportive parent who has been blindsided. I'm sure you'll be able to work with DS to rectify this behaviour. It has been a tough year for everyone, no surprise there's some behavioural consequences.

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 20:24

@Stokey

The special jumper and badges seem a bit odd on the school's part as they encourage children to be competitive and difference. No wonder he is devastated to have lost them if they're made out to be such a big deal.

Someone earlier said you should have been supervising Zoom which I disagree with. OP has said she works and her son is Y5 so should be able to do class Zooms unsupervised, my Y6 & Y4s both did.

It sounds like you're a supportive parent who has been blindsided. I'm sure you'll be able to work with DS to rectify this behaviour. It has been a tough year for everyone, no surprise there's some behavioural consequences.

The school is big on competition and marking kids out for it. Re Zoom the teacher was supervising and I work from home. I feel totally blindsided and shocked by all this we are VERY strict at home and he's never had so much as his name written on the board before. I feel like my DS is a different kid I could cry.

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SoupDragon · 11/03/2021 20:25

In what sense re secondary school?

Messing up in primary isn't such a big deal (if he learns from it). Also, he would have lost all the perceived "status" of awards and badges and be a small fish again. Hopefully he can get a more balanced approach to awards and stuff rather than making them what he "is".

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 11/03/2021 20:26

Ah OK. Have you perhaps been too strict then? Has he got to the point where he just can't see anything worth behaving for so has gone all out?