Removing reward badges on first pay back as punishment for behaviour in two zoom classes?

[ConcernedAboutRules]

Basically, DS who is normally very well behaved has been playing the class jokester on one or two zoom calls. He has been warned previously for this. Nothing too serious in my opinion. Now teacher has told him to expect to hand over all the badges and special jumper he's earned for various things and that he will no longer be on the school council etc. as soon as he arrives back during morning registration. Am I the only one thinking this is really unreasonable punishment given the situation and the fact he's known as 'the badge kid'?

@Bunnybigears

I think the problem is a child taping his stickers on to his jumper everyday since year 3 (and being allowed to) by his mother/the school seems so out of the ordinary, also the OPs language about him now being an average Joe etc. Surely someone at the school, OP, OPs husband, OPs friends and family could see this as very odd and potentially damaging behaviour?!

I agree with this. Its not like he would be the onluychild who got stickers for good behaviour/work etc and im assumming u as his mum would have understood that. So its not like he is the best behaved/best at work in the class because he has the stickers from all.the times he got them. Because other children would have recieved them too. The jumper is a whole other issue.

Most of us put stickers and certificates and awards in a drawer. Say “well done” and move on. The school should have spoken to parents about behaviour much sooner. The badges etc can be put in a keep sake box and DS and op should move on. I do think DS will need help to do this. He seems competitive and needs reassurance of being seen as best. Life will be a continual string of disappointments so he needs help to cope with reality.

I also wonder if he has any friends. Or do other dc tolerate him? Hence the Badge Boy moniker. It’s giving him a name that describes his outward appearance. He needs help to reestablish his personally. There is time to do this. But put all the badges and the jumper in a drawer and start again without the external validation.

@RootyT00t

The badge boy I am not sure this is meant in the endearing positive way you are picturing it OP.

I agree with this 100%

In the long run it's probably a good thing that the badges have gone

I also agree the stickers are really worrying behaviour. If they were prefect badges or similar I'd get it. But keeping a star of the day or similar sticker taped on everyday? Surely that takes away from the other children who are awarded that day? I have a little notebook I pop my Children's stickers in. The fact he was going it everyday, plus tried to attack another child and rip his off, is really concerning. I'd maybe worry less about the way the school handled the incident, and more over the behaviour itself. Taking them away is maybe harsh, but definitely beneficial in the long run. I do think you haven't helped the situation, even now you are referring to him as "average joe" now that the stickers are gone. Maybe not to him, but mixed with the pp where you say you're extremely strict, I think he feels pressured, and is lashing out. Lockdown has been hard for all children, and your DS is having a rough time, understandably. I think your son would benefit from speaking with someone. Good luck op.

Wow, there's a lot to unpick in this one! I'm a primary teacher and I'd be massively concerned about a year 5 being so obsessed with stickers. Badges for roles are fair enough (providing everybody get the chance to be nominated to class rep etc) but I've worked in a range of schools (including a prep school) and I can't imagine even suggesting stickers to upper key stage 2 kids. The special jumper thing is weird - I would seriously question what the school is thinking with that.

I agree that it's much better this is sorted before secondary as it could have been much worse.

I also agree that the name Badge Boy won't be being used as a term of affection by other pupils.

In terms of moving forward, your DS obviously needs a lot of support. However, I think you also need to modify some of your behaviours as well. It's fine to listen to your DS when he tells you about school but you now need to have an attitude that is much more supportive of the school, even if this is just outwardly to DS. When he tells you something, don't automatically believe his version is the truth. He is a child and now unfortunately a child who is known to lie. You need to question his role in these situations much more and be clear that you support his teachers and will check with them to clarify situations.

I think you need to decide how you will parent him going forwards. He has been babied to some extent with the sticker situation but then has free reign on his tech. This must be hugely confusing for him. You say you are strict but in what way? Does he have roles and responsibilities at home? Could he have some kind of reward system at home to replace the sticker obsession but also get him used to chores and responsibility?

Check your parental controls on his devices and your wifi. He's clearly had access to unsuitable material and that needs to be stopped. He also needs to be monitored on devices much more closely. Remember that social media and things like YouTube have a minimum age of 13 so check the parental guidance on anything he has been using!

I think PP are right about friendships - does he actually have good friends at school? Or has he created the eccentric character to cover the fact that he doesn't?

The other aspect of this situation that’s worrying is whether DS is clinging on to his awards to please his strict parents. Does op demand too much of him? He feels he cannot live up to expectations so wants the badges to prove he can?

Whatever the reason, there must be changes to expectations and behaviours. I would try and discuss all of this with the SEN specialist at the school. Discuss the rewards and sanctions policy. Discuss how the school rewards good behaviour but also what good behaviour looks like so it can be reinforced at home.

Personally I wouldn’t introduce yet more rewards at home. He should do things because he wants to help. Not to get a prize or something to display. Show him he’s valued and that love means a lot more than badges.

To be fair I'm not sure this series of incidents really needs all the wild speculationin depth analysis they're being awarded. Nothing the OP describes sounds particularly worrying or out of the ordinary, certainly nothing that deservesall the froth.

As someone who has been involved in education for 40 years, yes it is out of the ordinary. It definitely is something that needs looking at. I’ve never heard of a child doing this.

careerchange456
I agree with you.

Though sticker obsessions get real in secondary. KS3 is a mixed bag. Year 10 and 11s absolutely love them and can get quite vocal if one week you don't put stickers on their work obviously this is not a situation where I practically had a good natured revolt from a GCSE class for the crime of not having stickers to hand one week, and there definitely haven't been discussions aboutthe quality of said stickers and why they aren't shiny

Have they kept all their stickers from KS2? Stuck onto their jumpers every day?

Actually I have seen a similar thing with adults. When you go horseracing, you are often given an entry badge for the day. It’s card and attaches to your bag or buttonhole with a short cord. Sometimes you see men with a hundred of them (Or more) attached to a binocular case. It’s presumably done as a memento but it says they are seasoned racegoers too. It’s a bit odd in my view but is it a boy thing? Is it that they want to be admired? A sort of mobile display.

I’ve probably mused enough. However I find it quite fascinating!!

Have they kept all their stickers from KS2? Stuck onto their jumpers every day?
I was being lighthearted about secondary students. I put their stickers in their books anyway.

I did have some acquaintances at university who were still wearing their summer festival wristbands in December, and some had the fabric ones on from previous years. I concluded that they probably felt it projected a form of identity they want people to notice, like a bat signal.

You need to speak to the school. In the kindest way, you seem fairly clueless as to exactly what has been going on. You've heard your DS’ version and have rushed on to MN to sort of get a verdict with half the info. You really need to speak to the teacher and ask exactly what he's done and how frequently. Then you can make a more informed decision about whether you feel it's harsh. Hope it all works out.

@eeyore228

You need to speak to the school. In the kindest way, you seem fairly clueless as to exactly what has been going on. You've heard your DS’ version and have rushed on to MN to sort of get a verdict with half the info. You really need to speak to the teacher and ask exactly what he's done and how frequently. Then you can make a more informed decision about whether you feel it's harsh. Hope it all works out.

She has. Maybe at least read OP's posts if not the whole thread?

@LolaSmiles

careerchange456 I agree with you.

Though sticker obsessions get real in secondary. KS3 is a mixed bag. Year 10 and 11s absolutely love them and can get quite vocal if one week you don't put stickers on their work obviously this is not a situation where I practically had a good natured revolt from a GCSE class for the crime of not having stickers to hand one week, and there definitely haven't been discussions aboutthe quality of said stickers and why they aren't shiny

OMG I thought it was just my KS4! (Some KS5 are like this too )

@eeyore228, in the kindest way, RTFT. Or at least OP's posts. It's easy enough to do. Just click 'see all' at the bottom of the OP before offering advice on a days old thread that's already had a zillion responses.

Massive over reaction on the teacher's part. It has not been easy for kids doing school from home. Going back is another big change and a challenge for them. Doling out a punishment for something in the past on the first day back is crappy.

@ilovesushi there is far more to this thread than there first seems. Read all OPs posts.

Just looking now. Crikey it's a three act drama!

The school needs to look at the way it handles awards - very odd system.

Parents should take responsibility for encouraging/allowing the badge obsession.

Parents should be more supportive of school in front of son.

He's mucked up but it's not a hanging offence - show that he's loved (he's not too old for a cuddle) and work together to help him realise where he's gone wrong and to bolster his confidence so he can hold his head up again. He's been given a hard time on here but he's just a little boy fhs.

I’m not sure DS has been given a hard time. More the culture of how he felt the need to become “badge boy” and try to impress people which was allowed to grow unchecked. I think most of us don’t think it was his fault at all.

@YanTanTethera123

I actually feel rather sorry for your son (I am not ignoring the bad behaviour) because he’s being set up to fail by you and the school. I think his self esteem must be very fragile because he’s expected to be ‘the golden boy’ at school and gets no respite from this at home because his parents are ‘very strict’. I really am not surprised at his behaviour;; nowhere does he appear to be able to be himself. I certainly don’t condone the bad behaviour but he’s now been humiliated at school and made an example of and at home the OP is seeking to pile punishment on top of punishment. How about actually sitting down and giving him a big hug? Show some empathy for the boy? I was expected to be the ‘golden girl’, I never made it but was incessantly punished for not living up to my mother’s dreams. It wrecked my childhood, and scarred my adult life because I was never what my mother wanted me to be. FOG life-long.

Please read this OP because I agree entirely. By being strict and having certain expectations placed on him all the time he had nowhere to do. And now it is all unravelling he is too.

DS can be a pain at home - because it is his home and his comfortable place. Outside he behaves impeccably but in home he is a little more free. The strictist parent in his group has a child who acts out whilst out and about

I’m utterly baffled by any school that would give one pupil so many positions of responsibility, year in year out. That seems extremely unfair on the other pupils, as well as putting undue pressure on OP’s son and leaving him further to fall from his perceived pedestal. And I’m really uncomfortable about the repeated references to “average joe” pupils. Either none of the pupils should be average joe, or they all should.

When DC is seen as superior, other DC are the “average joes”. It’s a term used to put down the other DC and put your own DC ahead of them and more valued. It’s not really a pleasant term and reeks of superiority. Probably another attitude that needs to go!

Percy indeed.

@CatkinToadflax

I’m utterly baffled by any school that would give one pupil so many positions of responsibility, year in year out. That seems extremely unfair on the other pupils, as well as putting undue pressure on OP’s son and leaving him further to fall from his perceived pedestal. And I’m really uncomfortable about the repeated references to “average joe” pupils. Either none of the pupils should be average joe, or they all should.

Absolutely. I thought the regular posts on MN about the same children always being picked for everything were hyperbole, as surely no school could do that. As a parent I would actually not be happy that my child was picked for everything - either he is a school "favourite" or his classmates are just voting for him on the basis that they don't think anyone else will get a look in. Neither is a good situation, or one that OP should encourage.

DD was picked (by her teacher) to be house captain at the start of Year 6. A term later she stood for school council (voted on by classmates) and won. She immediately went to her teacher, resigned as house captain and suggested that the deputy should be given the job as she knew the deputy really wanted it and would do a great job. I am far prouder of her for doing this than I would be of her taking on both positions, knowing that other children in the class might like to have the chance.