I feel so sorry for this little girl with an incompetent mother....

[Gameboy]

OK, so I actually don't know whether she is incompetent, disorganised, disengaged or what, but I feel so sorry for her daughter (7) who is DS1's Yr2 class.

I knew the Mum worked, so I always assumed things were rather frantic and busy, which might explain why:

• this girl often doesn't have her PE kit on the right day (has to wear her school uniform)
• is never dressed up/ down for book day/ mufti day/ red nose day etc
• is in after school club every day til 6 pm

but two things recently really made me feel sad:

1. The class had a trip out to a local museum - notes went out well in advance, reminders too, and yet, on the day, this little girl turned up without the right clothes, without a packed lunch, and without the £1 spending money suggested. The school office called her home and were apparently told that no-one could come to the school now to bring anything, and she'd have to share someone else's lunch or do without . Of course some of the Mum's helping out rallied round, and bought her a sandwich and drink and stuff from a shop on the way.

And then finally yesterday, they had a Yr 2 leavers sporting event after school, and she was the only one not there (without a reason such as prior engagement etc) - she was in the after school club, as usual.
Several of us said, that if only we'd known, we could have brought her/ returned her etc.

I have met her Mum just once at a parent social, and she seemed very normal and level-headed, not stressed, under pressure or anything (IYSWIM).
I'm pretty sure there isn't a nanny or au pair who could be 'dropping the balls', so
I just can't understand HOW anyone can be so out of touch with her daughter's life?

As I say, I just feel very sorry for her

Once I was in the queue to go into the classroom when DD was in Y1, and there was a dad in front of me who realised he hadn't brought his DD's lunchbox. He was very contrite about it and reassured her that he'd rush home to get it.

One of the mums looked at one of the others and said "Dads, eh? Tut."

I could have smacked her.

Gameboy

There is something you can do to help the little girl......

Where we live it is common practice for primary school PE kits to be left in school all week in a bag on the child's peg or in their locker. All the children take their PE kits home on a Friday night to be washed and returned on Monday morning.

You could suggest to the head or whoever that this is a practical way forward for your child's school as this will help all busy PARENTS have one less thing to remember daily.

How sorry do you feel for the little girl, sorry enough to be bold enough to make this suggestion without letting slip the real reason why you are making it ?

Agree with howdydoody and bozza.

As mums, we all forget things, and get things wrong from time to time. It's human and children need to learn to cope/improvise to a certain extent.

But, I read the situation described by Gameboy as something more chronic. I also read it that Gameboy is concerned and feels sympathy/compassion for the little girl.

Have any of you ever been the little girl who didn't have what she needed over and over again? It's awful.

Agree with grrr, our school's the same (except we only get to wash them half terms)

Message withdrawn

I have taught many many children (albeit secondary) who are either themselves completely disorganised or whose homelife they tell me is pretty chaotic for one reason or another.
For many, it doesn't bother them; for others, they do get fed up of not having the right stuff with them or getting into trouble for always being late bringing in reply slips etc etc.
This girl could be totally content with the way things are; great.
However, it could be stressful for her too.
It's a possibility and maybe this is how the OP has interpreted the situation.

Yeah we only wash pe kits every half term here as well.

LOL @ Bozza

Bollocks dont sympathy and compassion help anyone

sympathy and compassion inspire piositive action rather than simple bitching (not necesarily saying this si bitchinga s only read a few posts, talking generally)

Act from a blame eprspective- alienate entire family and never find out whats happening for real

act oit fo sympathy and compassion- develop understanding, offer solutions, maybe make friends

at rgpargy btw

PE kits being washed, you see at our school they are supposed to be taken home every weekend and washed. I do it, partly so I can keep track of it all as bits go missing, but soem aprents don't. Should I feel sorry for those children who don't have their pe kit washed aired and neatly folded by mummmy every week?

By Gameboy on Thu 05-Jul-07 14:29:46
For those talking about the TA being sacked - she wasn't 'discussing' it as such (and by the way, I'm not the TA's 'friend' - don't know where that came from?) She simply made a comment along the lines of " X hasn't got what she needs..again (with slightly rolled eyes)" To which the teacher asked if she'd phoned home, and the TA replied yes, and she'd been told "I'm sure you'll sort it out somehow". She was understandably pissed off.
The only reason we were party to it was because the helper Mums were the ones dispatched to go and "sort something out" (at our own expense I might add, although I wouldn't begrudge the poor girl that).

"Below is the answer then why people are assuming the TA is your friend, you kinda said so!

Gameboy on Thu 05-Jul-07 13:46:21
Saadia - I don't really know her that well, as DS isn't particularly friendly with her, but a friend of mine who helps in the classroom (who I was discussing this with after yesterday) said that she is a lovely girl, but just rather quiet, and tired a lot of the time

We're not allowed to take the kits home- too many mums forget to take them abck Monday, and we can't get them from cloakrooms as we're not allowed in

Besides they wear them 30 minutes twice a week in the gym, they are too young to perspire and there's no dust

waste of washing up powder if youa sk me

which you didnt

but anyway

There is a teaching assistant and a volunteer parent helper - two different people being discussed.

Message withdrawn

or it came across that way...to me anywya....

every half term! dd's kit only comes home every term!

now I am confused, lol....

Ah Peachy, ours are worn for 2 hours a day mainly outside and get very muddy

How many of us who admit to being disorganised sometimes (me!) would actually say to a teacher/TA ringing up from school to tell you your child had no lunch "Well, I'm sure you will sort something out or she will have to do without" or NEVER as Gameboy says dress your child in mufti or World Book Day (my pet hate that one!)
Just 2 of the list Gameboy gave. She isnt saying the mum is just disorganised - it's more than that. And these things matter so much to children, that is where it's sad

Fair enough YP

Cammelia well they'd need a good dosuing then, so probably depends on the school PE sytem

DS's school always ahs a spare PE kit or two, theya sk yr 2 leavers for theirs if they ahve no younger siblings. Easy enough to sort surely?

There's a mum at our schoomwould do all of these things. Bad mum? No. abttling bipolar disorder? yes. But she gets so much criticism she has given upa sking for help. Her lad is so amazingly loved though that its clear a mile off

Dont worry overly about mufti (we dont get book day) cant say i'd tell school to sope personally but if she was distracted by something (eg aprent pissing on floor as my amte copes with) may have only aprtly entered her consciousness

Sorry - have only read the OP, so this has no doubt already been suggested. But why don't you offer some sort of help? Encourage a friendship with the girl and your DS perhaps? Try to get to know the mother better, and give her a call in advance of the special days/outings. I'm sure there may be other ways you can help if you put your mind to it.