I feel so sorry for this little girl with an incompetent mother....

[Gameboy]

OK, so I actually don't know whether she is incompetent, disorganised, disengaged or what, but I feel so sorry for her daughter (7) who is DS1's Yr2 class.

I knew the Mum worked, so I always assumed things were rather frantic and busy, which might explain why:

• this girl often doesn't have her PE kit on the right day (has to wear her school uniform)
• is never dressed up/ down for book day/ mufti day/ red nose day etc
• is in after school club every day til 6 pm

but two things recently really made me feel sad:

1. The class had a trip out to a local museum - notes went out well in advance, reminders too, and yet, on the day, this little girl turned up without the right clothes, without a packed lunch, and without the £1 spending money suggested. The school office called her home and were apparently told that no-one could come to the school now to bring anything, and she'd have to share someone else's lunch or do without . Of course some of the Mum's helping out rallied round, and bought her a sandwich and drink and stuff from a shop on the way.

And then finally yesterday, they had a Yr 2 leavers sporting event after school, and she was the only one not there (without a reason such as prior engagement etc) - she was in the after school club, as usual.
Several of us said, that if only we'd known, we could have brought her/ returned her etc.

I have met her Mum just once at a parent social, and she seemed very normal and level-headed, not stressed, under pressure or anything (IYSWIM).
I'm pretty sure there isn't a nanny or au pair who could be 'dropping the balls', so
I just can't understand HOW anyone can be so out of touch with her daughter's life?

As I say, I just feel very sorry for her

I know a little girl whose mother is SO disinterested that she (the child) LIED to her mother and said the teacher had said she needed to see her about a problem.

When she arrived, it was a display of the childrens work that parents were invited to view.

The mother hit the roof that the girl had lied to her to get her to go into school.

I thought it was sad that she needed to.

This reminds me of that girl. And yes, I feel sorry for her.

That's how help starts though yorkshire, by people at first feeling something isnt right and then trying to do something.

Ooh, so her mother, who probably has six thousand things to remember - that's AS WELL as all the stuff people who don't work have to remember - forgot about the outing one day. Well, Christ on a bike. Strike her down with lightning. And she's in the after-school club till 6pm! Probably doing things like games and craft and... amd READING and the like!! My god, call social services! It seems the mother must have a... a... (spit it out)... thingy... oh, yes, I remember.. JOB!! But that means that she is at work... gasp... for NORMAL HOURS! How dare she? Why can't she be a SAHM or have some little job where she can knock off at 3pm like the rest of us?... I can hardly bear to go on, it's so painful. How the poor child must be suffering. And do you know, when I met the mother, she didn't seem depressed, and didn't have two heads.... she seemed... NORMAL!!

For God's sake. Perspective.

Sadly a lot of this is familiar. As a schoolgate dad I all-too-often see the pursing of lips and "subtle" disapproving looks when it comes to kids who are not picked up by Mummy.

She probably didn't feel she could ask anyone because the schoolgate culture is such that it seems. from outside, to consist of gaggles of cliquey women bitching about who's in, who's out and who's wearing the wrong shoes on the PTA comittee, and unless you are there every day and in the "in"-crowd you're neevr going to know what's what.

For those talking about the TA being sacked - she wasn't 'discussing' it as such (and by the way, I'm not the TA's 'friend' - don't know where that came from?) She simply made a comment along the lines of " X hasn't got what she needs..again (with slightly rolled eyes)" To which the teacher asked if she'd phoned home, and the TA replied yes, and she'd been told "I'm sure you'll sort it out somehow". She was understandably pissed off.
The only reason we were party to it was because the helper Mums were the ones dispatched to go and "sort something out" (at our own expense I might add, although I wouldn't begrudge the poor girl that).

Bewilderbeast - no, she's not poor. I know that for a fact.

Anyway, clearly this discussion has been had before and is veering off into the usual (boring) SAHM vs WOHM debate, which wasn't it's intention.

Perhaps I'll go and start a new thread instead, "Do parents think that lack of involvement in child's school life hampers their development in any way....? "

I'm a semi permanent fuck up of a parent.

they kids seldom if ever lose out, I always get it sorted in the end. My kids are loved, and they know it. They are happy and secure, and if sometimes their packed lunch for the school trip is bought at 7.30 in the morning of the trip on the way to school, who cares. We have so much better things to worry about.

Have a good mate who is the same. She is recovering from cancer. So she balls it up on times. I've seen what she went through to stay alive for her kids. That makes her a better parent , in my book, than all the packed sadwitches in the world.

UQD, I'm agreeing with you!

Unquietdad, that's no excuse she should get more organised.

following some deliberation regarding this thread, I may have some need to feel slightly sad for this girl, but I think you where inflammatory in calling the mother incompetant, and yes I know you have retracted this.

My point would be that I see mothers whos children is the be all and end all of life, and they must participate in every after school acivity, the mums are involved in all the school gossip etc etc. I think that whilst my dd is the most important thing in my life, I do also have a life of my own and as such have other commitments which will prob in the future include putting dd in an afterschool club, (she is only 18mnths)
I do not expect to be vilified for doing this.
And I am sure that by not wearing a red bloody nose is going to harm the girl either

Is that so strange?

howdydoody, what is wrong is a TA gossiping about it to another Mum from the same class. That is unprofessional to say the least.If it were reported it would probably result in disciplinary proceedings.

I am the only non-teacher in my (large) family, and of course teachers do chat about their kids, but not to anyone who could possibly know who they are on about.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Three cheers for unquietdad.

There comes a first time for everything, and here is one:
I agree with UD 100%.

'She should be more organised'

She could probably the same about you, about a load of other things.

I think it is sad and will have an effect on the little girl. I think some of you are under-estimating how much things like this matter to children.

I don't see how this is a SAHM v's WOHM debate.
I also don't see that if the child is happy and healthy, there is really a problem.
For what it's worth, when my eldest dd was at Primary School I was very uninvolved (didn't even turn up at Parent's Evening in her first year there). Now that my ds is at Primary, I'm much more involved (Vice-Chair of the PTA). Point is, that neither of style of parenting is necessarily better than the other and my dd (for all the 'neglect' that she suffered } was certainly no less happy than my ds is.

The second part of that post had nothing to do with UD.

sorry, last was @ mumblechum.

kittywits, don't think that's fair - maybe she is organised but has other priorities. And anyway I think it's HUGELY unfair to lump being at after-school club, and not being able to take part in the sports day because of this, in with forgetting PE kit and the like. It implies a bit of a sneering attitude towards people who work.

Gameboy - who brings her to school?

We all fail in some way though don't we? She might be better than the organised mothers at something else. I think being a good parent is a rounded thing not ticking off boxes of targets performed.

seems to me like this mother stuffs up regularly. oh that's alright then .I don't think it's ok to do what she's doing. Makes me bleeding mad

I wouldn't like to say whaether she is a bad mum, good mum under stress or fucking amazing mum under ridiculous amounts of stress tbh

reminded of my frend who works, cares for her kids (1 with mild SN) and her sister who ahs psychiatric issues and her dad who has severe demntia and lives in a flatlet below her

frequenlty forgets things but on a scale of 1-10 ranks at elast 11 for just coping

UQD, because you're usually wrong

"a friend of mine who helps in the classroom (who I was discussing this with after yesterday) said that she..."

that's where I got it from

your friend, a TA (presumably)was discussing this girl, with you, another Mum.