I feel so sorry for this little girl with an incompetent mother....

[Gameboy]

OK, so I actually don't know whether she is incompetent, disorganised, disengaged or what, but I feel so sorry for her daughter (7) who is DS1's Yr2 class.

I knew the Mum worked, so I always assumed things were rather frantic and busy, which might explain why:

• this girl often doesn't have her PE kit on the right day (has to wear her school uniform)
• is never dressed up/ down for book day/ mufti day/ red nose day etc
• is in after school club every day til 6 pm

but two things recently really made me feel sad:

1. The class had a trip out to a local museum - notes went out well in advance, reminders too, and yet, on the day, this little girl turned up without the right clothes, without a packed lunch, and without the £1 spending money suggested. The school office called her home and were apparently told that no-one could come to the school now to bring anything, and she'd have to share someone else's lunch or do without . Of course some of the Mum's helping out rallied round, and bought her a sandwich and drink and stuff from a shop on the way.

And then finally yesterday, they had a Yr 2 leavers sporting event after school, and she was the only one not there (without a reason such as prior engagement etc) - she was in the after school club, as usual.
Several of us said, that if only we'd known, we could have brought her/ returned her etc.

I have met her Mum just once at a parent social, and she seemed very normal and level-headed, not stressed, under pressure or anything (IYSWIM).
I'm pretty sure there isn't a nanny or au pair who could be 'dropping the balls', so
I just can't understand HOW anyone can be so out of touch with her daughter's life?

As I say, I just feel very sorry for her

It's perfectly OK to judge - using your own judgement is a critical life skill.

I try to teach ds to be organised and take care of his stuff, etc, because frankly with a brain full of holes like mine, we both need all the help we can get to keep his life in some semblance of orderly sequence.

I try to say things like 'let's both try to remember x because you know I'm forgetful', etc. And 'can you help mummy by doing x.' He seems to quite like it but does take the p** out of me for being forgetful already and he's only 4. His memory is probably nearly as good as mine.

Anna888 - thanks for the help you gave to Freddie on his "fathers should be prepared to be main carers thread", garnering opinions from others helped him a lot.

anna- iswym, but there's judgement while knowing all the facts upon which to base your judgement, and there's the other kind which is too often based on stereotyping and incorrect assumptions. The mother in the OP may (I stress MAY) be the object of that and that is too high a risk to take imo.

god I wouldnt wantt o stereotype myself like that with my kisd

or put pressure on them to remember things on my behalf

cant you jsut write them down? its not rocket science

Even the title of this thread makes me cringe - "incompetant mother".
Who the fk does the op think she is, making vast assumptions about one family she knows NOTHING about?
And discussing said family with a supposedly professional TA.

i forget stuff for dd quite a lot, and am the only one in the class to do so.
i am also the only one who works, is a single parent, studies and has a toddler who doesnt sleep more than 6hrs a night.

"i am also the only one who works, is a single parent, studies and has a toddler who doesnt sleep more than 6hrs a night."

how do you KNOW you are the only one who forgets thinsg? how do you know you are the only oen wtih extenuating circs?

just as judgy

I repeat:

I am organised, and quite a lot of the time my children are organised. I am still, regrettably, a pretty awful mother . My kids have their teeth and hair brushed and most of the time they have their PE kits and suchlike, but that doesn't reallly count for much .

mi

aer you still feeling low? what has happened with counsellign?

Caroline - no problem, has his essay been marked yet? Let us know how he did

Enid - no, actually I'm OK at the moment (counselling still to happen though); but I am very aware of my own failings as a parent!

Enid, i know i am the only one who works as i have asked all of them, and they are all SAHMs apart from one but her family has left town.
they think its hilarious to see how i struggle making costumes, returning slips with requested money i dont have, and dd with crumpled school dresses as i have no iron at present.

one of them frequently likes to take the piss out of me and she knows i am on my own and miserable.

I haven't read all of the thread - approximately one third but I can't see for the life of me why Gameboy deserves such a roasting. I think people are projecting!

It is a big deal that this child nearly missed the Y2 sporting event, that she came ill equipped for a school trip without picnic lunch ...and the other examples. Missing one of two of these is understandable (we've all done it), but consistently failing to priortise your child? (and there appears to be a pattern in the example Gameboy gives) is pretty shoddy rubbish parenting imo.

I am not a 'paragon parent' myself (I wish!) - in fact I am deeply ashamed about how I spoke to my 5 year old dd when stressed and cross yesterday and I'm prepared to take the rap for that. Equally, if I made the ommissions that this 6 year old girl's mother did - I wouldn't feel good about myself either!

Well maybe she doesn't feel good about herself.

We don't know, do we?

Umm that's not my point. I was defending Gameboy's right to post on this subject and discuss it without being chased by pitchforks

HMC whilst I agree it's sad for the child if a parent persistently messes up in this way, I don't honestly get the feeling that the tone set by the OP is in any way helpful to the child but purely judgemental about the mum. Frankly I think it's gossiping and does far more harm than good.

I agree Spider that Gameboy might have fared better if she hadn't used the word 'incompetent' which was perhaps...ill advised.

Dunno but I read Gameboy's OP as offloading some genuine concerns about the child and perhaps asking for advice?

No she has every right to post on it, but no right not to be chased by pitchforks.

This is mumsnet. If you're not prepared to dodge a few pitchforks, you're in the wrong place!

I would like to nominate my last statement for quote of the week please.

To warn off all outraged skynews site subscribers.

I've been here quite a while Littleboot - and still not overly thrilled by pitchfork wielding...

op needs to get a life

my dd is missing her school picnic right now because she cant be bothered to get dressed. and i think she is too old to be dressed by me. i have told her to get dressed a gazillion times. if she cant,t hen she faces the consequences

last week she had to miss seeing the fire engine. why? well i drop the boys off at 9, she has to be dropped to see fire engines at 9.55 then taken home and fed, and back again at 12.40. what am i? theire lackey?
if a fire engine is going to organised then it should be organised at a time that means parents can do something other than burn petrol in their cars in order for their children to enjoy it.
so please feel free to go ahead and call me incompetent

She didn't have to miss the fire engine though did she?? Would it have really hurt to go for a walk or pop to the shops in that 55minutes or go to the park for lunch after the fire engine and then back again?

I know it's a pain but thats not incompetence thats lazyness

no cylon you are not incompetent

my dd is missing her school picnic right now because she cant be bothered to get dressed. and i think she is too old to be dressed by me. i have told her to get dressed a gazillion times. if she cant,t hen she faces the consequences

Cyclonbabe how old is your dd?