3+ 4+ 5+ 7+ Support thread 2019

[mumteacher]

In previous years I have started these threads to help and support all those involved in the independent school admissions process.

I wasn't going to start one this year as I know I would not be able to check back on it as regularly as I would like, which then defeats the purpose of the thread.

However, after numerous positive PM's about the threads I think it would be a shame not to start one where at least the hand holding can continue. 🤝

There are many many people who have been through the process and 'live to tell the tale' . There are also other tutors I know who read this thread and it would be great if you all could help and support and share your ideas👏🏼

(Roll on 2019!) 😉

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/primary/3073499-3-4-5-7-support-thread-2018

@Omasa, genuinely touched you wrote, it’s a real blow to have to do it all over again-when everyone else is celebrating...but on the plus side it’s been lovely spending time with him, and watching him develop.
We only applied to three schools, and he had Habs and Westminster on the same day-and on the way to Habs DH and I had a terrible row, as he felt incensed I would put a child of three through that...DS was so shaken up...needless to say he didn’t get an offer, and was shattered for WUS. We got everything wrong, then when the waitlist opened our school went nuts and drove the admissions dept crazy!!
Ah well, it’s only a year, and a truly first world problem. The nicest find has been such lovely women on this site, so generous and empathetic...so glad I stumbled across this site while desperately trying to work out what to do x

Sorry six, his little brother is three!

@wishthiswasmorefun oh yes, I heard habs second round and Westminster second round was on the same day again this year. They also did this last year so you would think that they would talk and move it this year to stop it happening again. I often think these schools have such egos with not budging on dates so they are not considered to be the “second rate” school. Sorry to hear your DS had a bad day - it’s not easy for them and yes being so young - we often forget. Hope you and DH sorted out your differences. The good news is that your son is Obviously very academically able so he will be absolutely fine.

Does your school admissions dept have a good relation with WUS - I’ve heard stories of phone calls being made to sway decisions but not sure if this is true or if we as parents buy Into the whole school conspiracy sagas.

Yes MN is great isn’t it. I’ve always followed these threads as a lurker but it’s nice to actually Be involved in the conversation.

Yes, it is! You know not getting any firm offers has really made me re-think his academic ability, children who didn’t get call backs got Habs, and he didn’t. Our school has no relationship, and reading between the lines I think they ‘handled ‘ her, so her insistence that he was right for the school may have been misconstrued...will never know, and now wish had not let her make such a song and dance and possibly have caused the school to think we were a headache! Hope your story had a much happy ending x

Happier

Our story is “to be continued...”

It’s hard as my DS has been asking me “did I get in” but we have just said we changed our minds about the schools as they were too far etc not sure he buys it but he has stoped asking.

For those of you whose DC didn’t make it at 7 (I guess 4 is a different entry point as they are too young to understand rejection) how do you explain it to them ? Or do you just sweep it under the carpet as we have done ?

And for those whose DC did make it - I would be interested to know how much work you did with them. We started in earnest in September this year and probably did 2 hours of prep a week - 1 hour during the week and 1 hour on weekend. We also did a bit every day during the Xmas holidays. I thought that would be enough but clearly not. Was drawn by your comment @wishthiswasmorefun about taking 2 months annual leave. Was that specially to prepare for the exams. Just wondering if we should have done more or what we did was about right ?

I took 2 months of annual leave as the school reported his behaviour had spiralled out of control, and although on their exceptional programme he was nowhere near the top.
The school finishes at 7, and I freaked out when I saw the bond books. I had to really start from scratch, but he seemed to enjoy it, and after a few weeks was racing through things at a remarkable speed.
After hearing Mr O’Donnell speak he advised only to apply to schools which are appropriate for your child-in retrospect I’m not sure I would do that again...his eyes welling up with tears, and his lower lip quivering as he watched all the other children celebrating haunts me still. It’s been so painful to see him so broken, and we couldn’t avoid telling him as all the children are exiting this year, so there it is

7+ Highgate. Heard Head went to WL on Friday & offered a place. Applicant does have sibling in the Junior School already which is how I know the story. My DS in Year 5. May be more movement after families decide this weekend

@CB2009, thank you, if only our head had that level of respect! I think if the school has a relationship with the school that makes a significant difference, we had no sibling, and a relatively inexperienced head
-who may not have understood the WL process, but it’s nice in this case the head actually visited

For those of you whose DC didn’t make it at 7 (I guess 4 is a different entry point as they are too young to understand rejection) how do you explain it to them

The key is to have a 'banker' school, usually a non-selective prep and to big that up as much as the through schools, then at the end if it's gone wrong you can say to the child "We've talked to all the schools and we all think you'd be best at xxx prep - we're so excited, well done"

@wishthiswasmorefun
it's heartbroken to hear what happened on the interview day. it's really too much for a 6 yo to do two interviews in one day at two schools so far apart. I think your boy is academically able for sure. He will have a better chance next year. And statistically, the competition at 8+ is milder as fewer pupils will be applying.

@wishthiswasmore fun. Think my post was unclear. It was the Highgate Head who called the parents on Friday from the WL, not the current school. Tough tough process.

@CB2009, oh I see, it’s kind of you to offer the glimmer of hope-but they sent an email from WUS to say, the WL is closed and ‘all the best...’ essentially don’t bother us !
@organiccoffee, thank you-will hold onto that as we charter 8+ territory, I do know that SPJ now only 18 places, so frighteningly difficult, and fewer schools...hence the dilemma. Ultimately, our boy really loved WUS-maybe in a years time they will have forgotten all the irritation from us! Xx

I think SPJ isn't doing the 8+ next year - WUS head said at his talk that they were taking them all at 7+ from now on.

May not help now but when we were on the WL. No help from Head as from a State School. Rather than ringing. We hand wrote a hand written letter. Rather than saying our DS was smart then we asked what we could do between now and the start of school to ensure that we addressed any shortfalls/weaknesses. We articulated why we felt he could do well at the school. My husband hand delivered the letter. Did not get as far as Head but did pass my hand to Head's PA who committed to getting the letter in front of the Head. I firmly believe that a letter rather than phoning is a preferred approach. Good luck

@CB2009, thank you so much for that, I will definitely do that, much less annoying!
@Skimmedmilk1, oh dear-even less of a chance then....

@CB2009, on second thoughts they’ve asked us to leave them alone... with their ‘have a great life’ email probably best to leave it!

As I understood it with SPJ they still have 8+ but just less places. Historically they would take 2 classes of 18 at 7 and 2 classes of 18 at 8 but now they take 3 classes at 7 (so 54 places) and 1 at 8 (so 18 places at 8)

With WUS I think they take in 22 at 7 and 22 at 8.

Hope that helps.

@wishthiswasmorefun did they indicate whether you should apply again at 8?

WL can move - I’ve heard of people getting places in May so there’s still a chance. Perhaps indicate you are still interested if an occasional place comes up.

Hi @Omasa, yes they were really keen on him-during the interview they impressed on us how interesting his answers had been-because they were so ‘different ‘ and the letter told us they would be happy to see him at the 8+, but it’s meaningless. Will you be joining us in the 8+ merry-go-round? Be lovely to have someone to share with xxx

But Skimmedmilk1 has said there is no 8+ at SPJ, so that’s that, will go cap in hand to Wetherby as they may take him...! Then we can go on holiday and Be far, far away where he can dance in the sunshine as carelessly as any six year old should! Xxx

Does anyone happen to know how many applications there were this year for Channing at 4+ ?

Maybe I'm wrong and it was less places at 8 at spj not none.

@Skimmedmilk1, it’s still horribly hard, and not sure should set our sights that high, maybe give other schools a shot. I haven’t had the energy to do anything in my relentless...and probably ill advised mission to work out what went wrong

@organiccoffee, thank you, as always your responses are always so supportive. I’ve thought a lot about why we’ve done this, and maybe my husband was right and we should have just chosen one school for the assessment. It didn’t help to have a blazing row on an already fraught day with an upset child.
It was too much, and poorly thought through, the worst thing was I really thought I was being scientific about it... working out the statistics of his getting in without realising the impact on him. He told us afterwards he couldn’t hear the mental maths for fatigue... I feel terrible, like I’ve turned into the sort of obsessive mother one reads about. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!