How do I decide which primary school would be right for dd? She has 2 options...

[bitofadilemma]

Hi, am a regular but have changed my name for anonymity

I have a dilemma with dd`s primary school options. Both options seem to be very good schools but I am unsure quite how to decide which is the right one for her. Dh and I would both be very happy with either. We live in London so the problem comes at secondary school time?

So

She is a very bright and fairly confident child, quite bossy at home but very compliant at nursery. She adores learning and soaks it all up like a sponge, she is a bit of a girly swot, loves to be right about stuff and very proud when she learns new things. She forms very close attachments to a small number of friends but gets on well with all of the children really.

School 1
Our very good local co-ed state primary, 10 mins walk away, a lovely school, we were very impressed with the school and the inspirational headmaster when we looked round.

Pros
It is walking distance
She is an only child and may well stay that way so it would be nice for her to have her little friends locally.
On Fridays they abandon the national curriculum and do drama etc which is great.
Ofsted report very good, results good, vibe good. All local parents who have kids there rave about it.
No school fees

Cons:
It doesn?t open til 8.55 so she would have to be taken by someone else (which we have already organised) however that would mean she was dropped off and picked up by someone other than her parents which I don?t really like.
The extra curricular stuff is not great, nor is the sport.
They are knocking down the reception block so her first year would be in portacabins (not really a huge deal)
Although the results are good they are not a patch on school 2.
Class size of 30

School 2
A very good selective independent girls? school - she did very well to get in there were hundreds of applicants for a handful of places.

Pros
Almost all of the children go on to the secondary school which is a very good one, but very academic. This would remove the issue of what to do when she was 11, take away the pressure on her of getting her into a school then.
Dh or I could drop her off as it is on the way to work and opens at 8.20 so we would still be able to get to work on time. It would mean getting the train with her and hopping off 2 stops down the line and walking 5 mins to school.
It has fantastic sporting and extra curricular stuff
It has great facilities ie art studio, computer rooms, music room, good library etc.
It is very cheap for a private school and the total cost of primary and secondary there could be the same as sending her to a more expensive secondary.
She would be able to go all the way through in one school, which I did and really liked.
If she is academic then she would thrive in this environment I am sure.
Class size 22

Cons
Her friends would be less local (though there are plenty here that go there but as it is independent they could be from anywhere) though the school is only 10 mins drive from our home.
We would have to pay for it (but can afford it so not really an issue)
We would be less involved in the very local community
We found the headmistress rather scary (but apparently the children love her)

My feelings about it

1. She may feel less pressured in the local school but if she is bright then she may not necessarily feel pressured by being in a more academic environment.
2. She has done very well to get in to school 2 ? would we be mad not to send her there?
3. I would really like her to be in the local school, all the parents there seem lovely and it has a really good community feel.
4. What if we sent her to the local school and then she didn?t get in to such a good secondary school (arguably if she is bright enough she will anyway but it is extra pressure on her aged 11)
5. What if we send her to school 2 and she is not really very academic? How on earth can they tell from a 2hr assessment aged 4?

Any advice welcomed esp from those who have faced a similar dilemma!

exactly the same really bp!

Hox no never heard of you

yes quite I would want her to either be picked up or dropped off by one of us every day otherwise how would be know if she was happy etc?

. v. good disguise there, m'dear!

oh well I am very transparent I guess
damn

Hand on heart, I have to say I would love smaller class sizes, particularly for DS1 who is a distractible type of boy. However, the school gets bright children in every year to the selective secondary schools at 11, including the one I think you have in mind (purple?) and I think a particular sort of bright, enthusiastic, school-loving child gets on very well.

DH is very opposed to private schooling (not starting a debate, just stating facts),so private wasn't an option for us at primary, but I think I have talked DH round to the idea at 11.

If I were in your shoes I would probably go for Option 2, though it feels a bit like a betrayal of my boys to say so!

Really? That is interesting (not a betrayal at all)
In some ways I wish we did feel strongly about it one way or the other as then our minds would be made up!

yes purple...

I suppose if you know your child would definitely get into a good secondary school at 11 (which of course nobody can know), I would choose, as we did, the local school for all the unpressurised, community sort of reasons. I also didn't want a single-sex school for the boys' whole schooling (if at all), as I think it seems a bit anachronistic.

It really is such a lovely school, and they do so many wonderful things, and embrace diversity and all that stuff. But in terms of pure academic achievement, the private schools are working ahead from early on.

I wish I finished my thoughts before I finished typing! The school has a lovely ethos too; the children are very polite, helpful and enthusiastic and all the staff know all the children. We really wanted our children to turn out like the ones we saw at the open day, and we hope they do. They are articulate, interesting and .... normal. So I know DH would choose this school again and again.

yes that really struck dh and I when we went round too.

You seem quite swayed by the "community" aspect of the local school. However, you may find that if you work full time and are not around at school run times, you won't be part of that community, particularly if you don't want to get into any reciprocal childcare arrangements. The private school may be more generally understanding of your position as a working mother.

The private school may be quite helpful over friendships - some give out lists of telephone numbers for the class which would help in arranging playdates (unsurprisingly, state schools tend not to do that).

There could be some awkwardness over playdates at the state school if it's going to be down to the au pair or nanny to make the arrangements.

Really - don't state schools give out class lists?

can I just hijack this and say that children that go to private schools are not necessarily any brighter than chidren attending state schools? it seems that some equate one with the other and it's just not true

Well, in the state sector your children's classmates' parents could be anyone, Ladymuck . (Could even be me!)

Seriously, I've never heard of a state school handing out class lists. Maybe others on here have different experiences?

The school in question has a system of class reps who get permission from parents to send out a class list. There are lots of part- and full-time working mothers as well, and there are never any problems organising playdates with nannies - everyone speaks to everyone else, at least in my experience. Both DSs have friends who have nannies some or all of the time, and we just make arrangements as you would with the mother.

Now they're at school I meet someone I know everytime I go out, which I quite like.

we were asked at the beginning of school year if we wanted to be included on a class list, so it was optional - most parents and their children are on the list - thought it was a great idea
(state school here)

To your point, Hallgerda, you are specifically asked for your permission to be included on a class list, so if you don't want to be (too famous or in hiding!) you don't have to be.

There are quite a few sleb parents too (see Philip Glenister threads passim) which can liven up drop off.

At dd1's (state secondary) school the parents' association sent home a form you could fill in for your details to be included on a list (just names, phone no and emails). The school aren't allowed to do it themselves for data protection reasons, so we were told, but if it's done voluntarily by a parent-run body, that's okay.

I would go with school 2 - infact our decision wasn't that too disimilar. DD started school last September and we are very pleased with the decision we made.

I will work through your pros and cons about school 2 and see how we are finding things.

Pros

1 Almost all of the children go on to the secondary school which is a very good one, but very academic. This would remove the issue of what to do when she was 11, take away the pressure on her of getting her into a school then.

• Well she will still have the entrance exam today but yes, she will be more prepared for it. No girls in DD's school has failed to get into their first choice of secondary school.

2 Dh or I could drop her off as it is on the way to work and opens at 8.20 so we would still be able to get to work on time. It would mean getting the train with her and hopping off 2 stops down the line and walking 5 mins to school.

DD's school is on both mine and DH's way to and from work, and you can drop off from 8:15am, this was a big factor for us as much more convenient. Infact if necessary there is breakfast club from 7:45am too although not used that yet.

3 It has fantastic sporting and extra curricular stuff

This year DD has only done one club - Drama. However there are loads on offer to her and she is already planning what to do next year, and will possibly do two clubs next year. The schools offers a wider range of sporting activities such as dance, judom fencing, etc. There is bound to be something DD will enjoy and hopefully take up as an interest as she gets older.

4 It has great facilities ie art studio, computer rooms, music room, good library etc.

Always good

5 It is very cheap for a private school and the total cost of primary and secondary there could be the same as sending her to a more expensive secondary.

That sounds very good financially. Aklthough do plan for rises, above the rate of inflation/cst of living, each year. Our fees have risen by 8% for next year.

6 She would be able to go all the way through in one school, which I did and really liked.

Ours is different to this so n/a

7 If she is academic then she would thrive in this environment I am sure.

Definitely

8 Class size 22

I prefer small class sizes, and this is not too small anyway. DD's is even smaller.

Cons
1 Her friends would be less local (though there are plenty here that go there but as it is independent they could be from anywhere) though the school is only 10 mins drive from our home.

Dd has at least 1-2 play dates each week from school. I was prepared to be a taxi service Most children live in the city but a couple are further afield. DD also has more local friends who she knew before school. And she has her name down for the local Rainbows group so will make more friends there.

2 We would have to pay for it (but can afford it so not really an issue)

If can afford it...but do plan for the fee rises. If you plan for 10% rise a year then it gives you a good foundation.

3 We would be less involved in the very local community

Depends. There are other ways to become involved. Rainbows/Beavers are one way, local sports or activities groups, etc.

4 We found the headmistress rather scary (but apparently the children love her)

I always find headteachers scary

We didn't opt for state in the end so can't comment on any experiences there.

OK, I can tell I'm in a slightly scruffier part of South London than you, singersgirl and bitofadilemma . I don't think the big issue over class lists round here would be slebs (more criminals or fruitloops...)

Thanks hula that#s great

OK my mind is made up

If I have a chance of ogling philip glenister every morning then state it is

My mum was caught open-mouthed at the Christmas fair a couple of years ago saying "Isn't that Pat Cash? The Wimbledon champion?"

Sorry - still don't get the class list thing, so please bear with me. We get one in both our private school and state funded nursery. Any type of parent could apply for either though I appreciate that you've got to want, and be able to, to pay at the former. But I wouldn't send my child to a school if there was any reason for me to be concerned that other parents would find out my address? What type of parent are you hiding your details from exactly?

The one who didn't collect her son after DS1's fifth birthday party and used to walk in circles round the playground bumping into me and not saying sorry. And the one who regularly asks me for money in the street. And the one who walks around the area stealing any nice flowers from gardens for a church somewhere.

I could go on. Their children are all perfectly nice btw, so I'm not too worried. Anyway, I can't afford to be.

I should have said that I actually did give my details to the first on my list!