How do I decide which primary school would be right for dd? She has 2 options...

[bitofadilemma]

Hi, am a regular but have changed my name for anonymity

I have a dilemma with dd`s primary school options. Both options seem to be very good schools but I am unsure quite how to decide which is the right one for her. Dh and I would both be very happy with either. We live in London so the problem comes at secondary school time?

So

She is a very bright and fairly confident child, quite bossy at home but very compliant at nursery. She adores learning and soaks it all up like a sponge, she is a bit of a girly swot, loves to be right about stuff and very proud when she learns new things. She forms very close attachments to a small number of friends but gets on well with all of the children really.

School 1
Our very good local co-ed state primary, 10 mins walk away, a lovely school, we were very impressed with the school and the inspirational headmaster when we looked round.

Pros
It is walking distance
She is an only child and may well stay that way so it would be nice for her to have her little friends locally.
On Fridays they abandon the national curriculum and do drama etc which is great.
Ofsted report very good, results good, vibe good. All local parents who have kids there rave about it.
No school fees

Cons:
It doesn?t open til 8.55 so she would have to be taken by someone else (which we have already organised) however that would mean she was dropped off and picked up by someone other than her parents which I don?t really like.
The extra curricular stuff is not great, nor is the sport.
They are knocking down the reception block so her first year would be in portacabins (not really a huge deal)
Although the results are good they are not a patch on school 2.
Class size of 30

School 2
A very good selective independent girls? school - she did very well to get in there were hundreds of applicants for a handful of places.

Pros
Almost all of the children go on to the secondary school which is a very good one, but very academic. This would remove the issue of what to do when she was 11, take away the pressure on her of getting her into a school then.
Dh or I could drop her off as it is on the way to work and opens at 8.20 so we would still be able to get to work on time. It would mean getting the train with her and hopping off 2 stops down the line and walking 5 mins to school.
It has fantastic sporting and extra curricular stuff
It has great facilities ie art studio, computer rooms, music room, good library etc.
It is very cheap for a private school and the total cost of primary and secondary there could be the same as sending her to a more expensive secondary.
She would be able to go all the way through in one school, which I did and really liked.
If she is academic then she would thrive in this environment I am sure.
Class size 22

Cons
Her friends would be less local (though there are plenty here that go there but as it is independent they could be from anywhere) though the school is only 10 mins drive from our home.
We would have to pay for it (but can afford it so not really an issue)
We would be less involved in the very local community
We found the headmistress rather scary (but apparently the children love her)

My feelings about it

1. She may feel less pressured in the local school but if she is bright then she may not necessarily feel pressured by being in a more academic environment.
2. She has done very well to get in to school 2 ? would we be mad not to send her there?
3. I would really like her to be in the local school, all the parents there seem lovely and it has a really good community feel.
4. What if we sent her to the local school and then she didn?t get in to such a good secondary school (arguably if she is bright enough she will anyway but it is extra pressure on her aged 11)
5. What if we send her to school 2 and she is not really very academic? How on earth can they tell from a 2hr assessment aged 4?

Any advice welcomed esp from those who have faced a similar dilemma!

sort of half way up the hill

May not be the same one

they have 44 in junior and 66 in senior afaik

have catted you gg

Oh God, what's catted?! No, maybe not same school. Although I think I do now know which one. Station at bottom of hill, big A3 junction thingy at the top?!

Don't think I know you in RL, but from the description of your DD I think I recognise you and the school sounds implausibly similar (particularly the non-curriculum Fridays - which by the way are only in the juniors - , the headmaster and the reception block re-build!).... I live in SW14.

The thing is, it is a lovely school and the teachers are all really hard-working and dedicated. DS2's reception teacher was wonderful and had her class soaring ahead in terms of reading etc. And there really are lots of very bright children. To give some example, about 10 of the children in DS2's Y1 class (so 5 and 6 year olds) are reading books like Roald Dahl, Michael Bond, "Charlotte's Web" etc. That's a third of the class and my mum, a former primary school teacher, finds that amazing.

But the children I know in local private schools are stretched more, definitely. Though I don't know if DS2 wants to be stretched more or is just fundamentally idle. On the other hand, at the local school, they don't have much homework, which I really agree with, and some of the private schools give homework every day even from Reception.

Must go out now in the pouring rain to pick up boys from said school.

Yes it is defo the same one!

Not much homework sounds good (i think!)

that's the one gg!

In that case, ours is almost the same, if you see what I mean! But yes, lovely school. DD got in but chose the one nearer home! Have several friends with Junior school children there. All extremely happy. 2 friends with Year 6s there have chosen to move to different senior schools in September, though, on the grounds that 4-18 in the same place is too long. Am obviously "up the road" from you so don't know the state option, but singersgirl seems to have that one covered!

Ah yes I know exactly what you mean now!

All the kids seemed very happy and well adjusted

singersgirl we should meet up!

FWIW, I think it's nicer than the one my DD is at - warmer and friendlier. Although she is perfectly happy where she is.

It's really difficult isn't it? We thought long and hard before deciding on the private school we've gone for and we chose it for 3 main reasons.

1. Wraparound care. I need to be able to drop mine off well before 8.30
2. Class sizes. They really domake a difference.
3. Opportunities for sport and music. Even good state schools cannot rival the private sector here.

Good state primary schools are fantastically nourishing and your DD will do well there if you choice option 1. However, as a primary teacher myself I can honestly say that even with the best intentions, you never have the time (classes too large) or the money to do all the wonderful things you want to do with them.

Can I just say that I agree with the reservation that others have mentioned about attending the same school until 18. Moving at 11 or 13 helps children learn how to adapt to change. It also helps to foster their independence.

overall, I'd say if option 2 is a good independent school and it's the one your DD is enthusiastic about, then go for it.

Good luck, it doesn't sound like an easy decision.

Yes, it is definitely the one I am thinking of as well. I hope DD is one of the 22 who gets in at 11 as we live only a few minutes walk away!

I have heard of a few people who got places at Reception but who did not take them up because they thought it was very pressurised/relentless. Have heard it from 3 separate people. I do know 2 of them got places so not a sour grapes thing.

We would deffo have wanted to send DD there had we not wanted her to go to the same school as her brother - plus the 4-18 thing, which I do feel reasonably strongly about.

Aha that's interesting - yes the pressure thing I am not so keen on but it is either pressure then or pressure at 11 I figure. Plus it didn't really seem that bad tbh

I think I know who you are.

MY DD started at good state primary for two years and then moved across to private when we moved home. We knew she wouldbe a chorister and it seemed right to put her into private at this point instead of another move in year 4.

She did very well at state. and is doing very well in private.

The only difference -and for us this is important - her music has come on inleaps and bounds, sh is way ahead of most children her age. this is due to the schools encouragement as well as ours.

She is also playing 'proper' netball, hockey and tennis - and plays matches regularly.

The drama in the school is good with regular scheduled lessons.

So for HER, it was the right decision. However, I am sure if we had not moved her she would been fine and happy

yes I think you do ThatBeetroot!

~Don't really know if dd is musical or sporting particularly yet. Obviously if she has her mother's talents she will be (not)

However I want her to be able to be exposed to as much of that sort of thing as poss, boring otherwise, what's the point of school without a healthy helping of music, art, sport, drama?

I just think DD will be better able to handle academic pressure at 11 - and/or we will be in a better position to decide whether she is the right child to be in a pressurised environment.

(She is going to a private school with quite a good record of getting girls into that school at 11).

Go on - let me create and talk up option 3...

it's a bit late for other options now I think!

We unexpectedly did get an offer of a place at our preferred state school (we don't live that close, so we had already looked at other otpins too). We did struggle a bit over which to choose - what swayed me was discussions with local teachers who all pointed us towards the benefits of lower class sizes. Even the deputy head of the state school pointed this out, which surprised me as they have a huge number of TAs and paarent helpers - as good a ratio as at the private school I think. That said ds1 was in a reception class of 15 though I know that some of the local girls schools have 20-22.

Well as I said, many state schools, even the very best ones often just pay lip service to that side of education. They're under so much pressure to achieve that it will always come second best. Also, in a state school you rarely get the specialist teaching in subjects like music. Instead, you have teachers like me (who are completely tone deaf) trying their best.

ladymuck which one did they go to then?

pmsl homemama!

hello dilemma, do i know you too ?

We went with the private one. And to be honest I do think that the smaller class sizes do make a difference. The teacher gets time to talk to all of the parents each day, and we go into the class to see their work each week. Issues are picked up early and there are few surprises. It doesn't mean that the boys are in any way ahead (or behind) where they would be at a state school, but I feel very clearly that there is a strong working partnership between home and school.

Having someone else doing drop-off works well if all is well with your dd. But if she is unsettled in class or there are issues then if you are doing dropoff yourself you have the chance to observe things, and if necessary talk to the teacher etc.

Actually, the sporting point is a good one. DD went to her private secondary from a very average state school where they obviously did PE, but nothing very structured. She now finds herself amongst lots of girls who have played hockey, netball, tennis, whatever either at the junior school or at their prep schools, and she doesn't have a cat in hell's chance of joining any teams, and feels a bit of a failure because most of the other girls have played competitive sport before. She's one of only half a dozen in her year to have come from a state school.

We were in a fairly similar situation.
After selection procedure, DD got place at very academic independent girls' school which is 5 mins walk away.
We'd only put her down for it for fear she wouldn't get into our local (very good) state primary (15 mins walk away). Initially, she didn't. Then she did. There was no dilemma at all for us.
We went for state primary bcs it had a great atmos and reputation (plenty of children seem to go on to private secondaries, probably via coaching).
I liked the fact that she would have local friends (whereas at the private school the girls tend to be scattered around). I disliked the all-girls' aspect. And I really didn't want DD to spend her childhood feeling academically pressured. I'd heard enough stories about the relentless pushing that goes on at this independent school to feel I couldn't happily put her through that, no matter how academic she turned out to be.
Plus we're not rolling in £££.