May have to take ds1 and ds2 out of independent school

[helbel3]

I am absolutley devastated, dh business has been going from bad to worse for 6 months now. Resulting in the possibility of maybe us having to withdraw ds1 and ds2 from independent school.

To say I am devastated is an understatement, I am crying. Ds1 in year1 would not suit a state school unless very small and initimate, ds2 who is due to start reception in september would adjust fine I think.

Anyone had experience of this, please really appreciate truth no matter how bad.

Where do you live ?

What does your DH do, is it a temporary blip ?

For now, until you know more, can you leave DS1 in the independent school, and then ut DS2 into state school - and give it a few months?

Hi guys, could put ds2 into state, he goest to the nursery attached to the school, knows all the teachers, go bounding in as if he owns the place.

It may just be a temp blip but just the whole thing getting me down as it always seems to be a struggle.

We have only got Mays school fees then it stops for two months for ds1. will still have ds2 nursery fees but may have to reduce his days so costs us less to save money.

We in the north east, dh just sent me a text to say that he would rather die than take kids out of school, I am just trying to be a realist and look at options.

Hulababy, just looked at your profile, your little girl brought a smile to my face, and so cute in her uniform. I also have a little girl who is two.

its not that bad lots of people manage it everyday.

I sympathise, I really do, but saying you would rather die than use the schools your taxes pay for is a mite pathetic.

It will be hard for your Ds1 to move schools - but what on earth do you think they are going to do to him? They barred publicly flogging the infants a few years ago

mysonsmummy and colitz I really appreciate your comments, but do not condemnation. I know that there is nothing up with state schools. I was educated in a very rough area and got very good results and that same for dh, its just the school they are at are the best for them.

This thread was not started to start an indpendent v state debate just looking for people who perhaps have been in the same situation who can tell me their experience at a difficult time.

To be really honest, I wouldn't be in the slightest bit worried about moving a child to a state school. For every disadvantage you may think of there will be advantages too, like mixing with a broader spectrum of children, possibly having better qualified teachers (many independent schools hire teachers who have no formal teaching qualification) etc.

If the size of the school is an issue for you, I would look at rural schools. I currently teach in a rural secondary school, and the difference in behaviour and atmosphere between my current pupils and those I previously taught in an urban area is huge (and I really liked my old school, and had lots of lovely pupils there). All the local feeder primaries have a lovely ethos, the classes tend to be smaller than in some town schools, and there's a bit more innoncence about some of them.

Look on the OFSTED site for schools near you which are rated excellent.

helbel3 - glad you got a smile

It must be very hard once your child is settled in any school to then have to move them. Hard all round.

You say that DS1 wouldn't cope - are there specific reasons for that? If so, I would keep him where he is. Your DS2 seems settled at the school nursery, so for now I'd plan on sending him there, and possible DD too. Can you justify your decision of having one in independent and the others not - to your other children I mean? If you have valid reasons I think it is workable.

If you think this will be a long term struggle I think you need to keep looking around for another school, one that best suits your DS1. There must be another school that would fit him - but how easy it is to fine I don't know.

Good luck.

Cross posted helbel3 - why do you think the current school is best for them? Maybe if you can make a list of the specific things it offers which are important to you and your children that might help you decide how important it is to you, and potentially narrow the search for another school.

Argh - please don't turn this into private v state! It is clear the Op didn't intend this.

And as for comments such as "many independent schools hire teachers who have no formal teaching qualification" NO!!! This is simply not true. They use no more unqualified teachers than state schools do. Both can use unqualified and do for specific reasons, such as sport/music for example. Argh. Sorry, my bug bear that comment.

thanks percy and hulababy, you have both made me feel a little better. Ds1 is very sensitive and although he is hugely confident he tends to withdraw in a class setting sometimes. Also, we have had a few issues with his concentration and the teacher having to "reel" him back to the land of the living. I worry that a change in school could make this worse instead of better.

I think i will have a look on the ofsted sites and see what is available. Thank you so much for your kind words just what I need at the moment.

How about begging for a bursary? Or if you think things will sort themselves out, arranging a mortgate holiday. Bit short term that one. Good luck.

a friend of mine moved all three of hers to dd1's state primary this Sept (they had previously been private)

her dh walked out and refused to pay school fees

she was devastated (obv!)

but all three settled so well (her ds2 was last to settle) and they are very happy now. She admitted to me that she HATED it for the first term but is now really enjoying the school.

so it is possible to have a positive outcome.

Oh Gosh, I had better not comment on this area of a completely public forum!

I am not condemning you, or anyone else who educates privately, because I see nothing wrong with that at all.

But is it really really worth putting yourself in the poorhouse for? Really?

thanks nk, that is a good idea. Enid that is also nice to hear that your friends children are now settled, i know mine would if they had to was just looking for anyone had done this and what they found hard about it and easy.

colditz, i may have taken your comments the wrong way, no malice intended I just feel really emotional and quite sensitive at the moment. If a cat peed on my garden at the moment I would probably cry

Sorry hulababy, if you read my 2nd post you'll see that I tried to steer away from school debate.

So look away helbel3 - this isn't for you!

Hulababy I feel I have to disagree. In N Ireland at least (where I teach) state schools can't employ unqualified teachers. Even peripetetic music and sports teachers (like piano teachers) have some qualifications to teach in their area, and most peripetetic music teachers I know are fully qualified teachers as well. In contrast, the few private schools here have quite a lot of unqualified teachers (I know of one school that only has 1 teacher with a PGCE)

Back to helbel3, in case you were put off my post by the anti-private school thing, I really do think rural schools could be a winner, if you have to go down the state school route. Also, deciding what you need in a school could help clarify the decision.

percypig - state school in England can, and there is also a seperate salary scale for unqualified teachers

X-posted again helbel - if dh would stop phoning me I could type faster! Glad you weren't annoyed and my comments were of some use.

thanks percy, my friend as her children at a rural school in york and just got an outstanding ofsted.

I know the first part of thread wasnt for me. But, I am aware that independent schools can employ unqualified teachers. Our school did, there was uproar as they tried to keep it hidden but word got out as it does. Said teacher is now doing her pgce!

helbel3 sorry I have done my usual and charged in with industrial wellies on, when this is a Footgloves situation. I was actually trying to jolly you, but misjudged your emotions and clobbered you instead.

What I was trying to say is, a state school probably isn't as good, but I think your dh's response was awful, and he was bad to voice it to you. Most state schools are fine.

Fair enough hulababy, still think (from anecdotal experience of friends who have taught in both sectors in England, and from stuff I've read in teaching mags, forums etc) that there are proportionally (sp? sorry - am an English teacher, but having pg brain already and am only 5 weeks) more unqualified teachers in private schools.

I guess it does all depend on own experiences. I can only talk from my own - was secondary school teacher in England also, and now using private education for DD. I have found no difference so far where we are, that's all.

I would not worry about my primary school kids going back to state sector. They would be fine. they were fine before we moved them - and purely moved them because of choristerships. I they were in secondary education I would be more worried.

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