May have to take ds1 and ds2 out of independent school

[helbel3]

I am absolutley devastated, dh business has been going from bad to worse for 6 months now. Resulting in the possibility of maybe us having to withdraw ds1 and ds2 from independent school.

To say I am devastated is an understatement, I am crying. Ds1 in year1 would not suit a state school unless very small and initimate, ds2 who is due to start reception in september would adjust fine I think.

Anyone had experience of this, please really appreciate truth no matter how bad.

I get the accent thing. The area we live in doen't really have an accent. But we're not all tht far from B'ham..... I wouldn't want to live any closer . But them I'm a terrible snob.

wow, loads of comments and I really do appreciate them ALL. wnagle99 i am gald you got things sorted at your school. It is lovely to read about all the sahm mums who feel really worthwhile in what they are doing, I am up there with and would not sacrifice my time at home with them no matter what.

On the other hand xenia has made a valid point about the children and the activities as they get older not getting in until late. ds1 who is in year1 now has three late nights at school, one 4.15pm, one 5.00pm and the other 4.30pm and this will probably get later and more frequent as he gets older and takes more activities. But still, it is each to their own and everyone has a choice on what is best for their family unit.

xenia you mentioned private school in the north east, there are quite a few in the north east what region of the north east did you go to school. if you would rather not say that is fine.

Like I said previously, dh and have had a sit down and everything is going to be ok, may have to pull the belts in for a little while, but that is ok.

Helbel that is fantastic you are going to be able to manage, we have also pulled our belts in but believe me it it worth it!

Newcastle but I had better not say more. My brother went to Royal Grammar Newcastle. I live in SE now but I've got friends in Newcastle with children in various private schools there and some in state schools.

It sounds like your husband's business will do okay and all will be well.

Children differ too in their personalities- some at whatever school don't want to stay late to do sport etc and others are out all the time. Although I think in general the private school days are longer. My ex husband had to stay at the prep school he taught in until 6pm every day and that was on days when he wasn't going concerts etc and they used to have Saturday morning school too.

For what it is worth, my parents moved my sister and I from a private school to state school. I was 14 and just about to embark on my O'level course and my sister was 10/11 so joined the state school as a first year.

My sister absolutely thrived at state school, made lots of friends, developed something of a regional accent (Xenia ) and still went to Cambridge to read Law.

I fared less well. My RP accent didn't go down very well and I was bullied constantly for that and for being a bit of a loner. I cocked up my O'levels and then my A'levels, didn't get to Uni but am rather glad things happened that way. I now run my own business and I don't think that I would have had the nerve to do that if I had achieved more at school. The impetus wouldn't have been the same if you see what I mean.

I think moving at 14 must be harder. Some people move at sixth form level because the child wants a different atmosphere or even because they think usually wrongly it will be easier then to get into better universities. My school friend moved at that time and seemed to have a dreadful time but that was because for some ridiculous reason her parents sent her in our old school uniform to her new state school and didn't buy that school's uniform for a few weeks. I can hardly imagine anyone doing that. Think of the teasing etc.

When you get to my age (45) you look at people and what they've done and a lot of how they turn out are how they were born (genetic), their drive, position in the family, interests, whether they got depression/ill and all these other factors which determine things. I think going to a private school and/or getting good exam results can smooth the path/make things easier. The example of my daughter and her first job etc is a good one but in 20 years time who knows what she'll be doing.

One intereting point is the extent we want our children like us or whether we want them "improved" earning more speaking better and then isolated from their family in a sense and no longer fitting in and the other way around. My family all went to private schools. Their cousins on one side all go to state schools and always have. My mother completely moved herself from her very poor very large family in a way I think she may have found isolating and she kept us apart from those relatives some of whom I only met at her funeral - they were very very working class and it was a fascinating social study to compare those the age of my student children, their voices, their clothes, their knowledge, education, even down to things like could they sing well the hymns, even that was different. Of course everyone is a person and we're all interesting and I enjoyed meeting some of them after but it was a fascinating gulf, how she moved herself from there to where she ended up.

I have had my children at independent school and state primary. At year 2 or below, I am not particularly persuaded that it is worth paying for their education - I think your dh was being rather melodramatic about it, but you have to weigh up how important private education is for you and your family. If it is really so important, then you will have to decide whether it is more important/beneficial for you to be at home or work.

If you think that your ds is in the best school for him, perhaps you should find some way to continue with him at that school (a part-time job perhaps?), and put ds2 in the state school. if your finances improve you can move him later on - ime children move schools very easily when they are younger. My children moved from state to independent and have adjusted very well. They don't notice the difference in class sizes or accents, their main priority is making friends.

I agree about age. As they get older their friends become hugely important to them. I can see it here - now they're 8 they would find it very hard to go on to a school at 13 their friends aren't going to. They are already expressing views on that.

Xenia - dh went to King's School Tynemouth then Durham University - you probably have friends in common

helbel3,

I am glad that you have been able to sort your finances out and tighten your belts a little to enable your LO to continue at his present school, however I did find your husbands comment a bit amusing, if not a little childish!

My son is at a state primary but will transfer into a Private day senior school at 11 and my daughter will follow the same pattern when she starts school in Sept 2008, at present she attends nursery at the local Prep school (just as my son did). I do not believe that paying for primary level education is that important. My son is doing very well at his state primary and at this level I am able to help him, instill in him a love of reading, we do Bond papers together in Maths and English and most of all we love our time together doing this. Education is a partnership between school, parent and child and so often children attending private schools do not get the parent participation as the Parents believe that education comes solely from the school because they are paying such huge fees, believe me I have seen this as I was educated privately and by the state.

I am a SAHM, I studied Veterinary Science after A levels, but shock, horror! chose to stay at home with my children, nurture them, not palm them off to an after school club, nanny, CM etc. We are not wealthy, my husband also runs his own company, working incredibly long hours and if I were to work too, my shifts would mean that for 2 weeks a month our children would not see either of us!

We have tightened our belts but believe that me being around to discuss school projects, nature walks in the park, doing sticking and gluing when the weather is bad are far more important at their age than me being at work.

Working mums are great, I commend them for doing the work of mum at home and for being in the workplace, but most mums I know who do this, do it to help out with household bills, mortgage etc. not to pay school fees. I don't believe that just because I am not working at the moment I am giving a negative signal to my daughter about women in the work place. (Xenia )

I am also of the opinion that you give all your children the same start in life. I would not give a private education to one child and a state one to the other. So my only advice is that if you cannot afford to continue private education taking into account that you have another 2 children to put into the school, I would consider moving out of the private sector now as the longer you leave it could possibly upset your son further.

My brother moved schools at 6 and after a small settling in period he really enjoyed his new school and thrived well (this move was due to my Fathers job relocating)

best wishes

thanks cgm, i do agree with everything you have said, i also decided to stay at home rather than go back to work.

Everything is going to be fine, would never privately educate one and not the other two, we have three children.

everybody has been really good on here, thanks