School won't keep our place - what to do?

[VitAL]

Hi all,
I'm really stuck with a difficult dilemma and would appreciate any thoughts. DC is currently at a very academic pre-prep, we chose it precisely for their leavers' destinations, they send a lot of children to three top selective indies high on our list and some pupils to a couple more selective schools. DC is happy there, but I want to give 4+ a go. I feel I would really regret if I don't, would be thinking all the time about opportunities lost and it's a bit easier to get in at 4+ than 7+. I wouldn't say DC is exceptionally academic at 3.5 but strong-willed (sometimes to the extent of being bossy with even older children), emotionally mature and disciplined/co-operative so I think could do quite well at 4+.

The problem is our school won't keep our place for Reception if they find out we're sitting 4+ and I think they easily can as it has very good links with most of the schools on our list. I have actually sent applications to two schools before I knew about our school's policy (it's not an official policy AFAIK but people talk). I've no idea if they actually ask for references and reports at 4+. I'm still thinking about applying to at least three more schools. I guess (I'm not 100% sure) I could leave the current school's details blank on application forms but I feel bad about it TBH.

If we get kicked out of the current school we might end up with no place at all. We might possibly get a last minute place at a non-selective non-academic indie, but that would mean extra money on tuition for 7+ with less chances and much more uncertainty as we plan to buy a house close to the school if DC gets in at 4+, if not that would be another 3-4 years in limbo.

I'm at a loss what to do and so stressed about the whole situation that I lost sleep. Should I abandon the whole idea and wait until 7+?Please help, I really need to make up my mind.

If anything evidence suggests the opposite Pansies.

That's rather what I thought Titty.

Oh well.

Sorry to hear it was so difficult for your daughter

Bwahahahaha...😂 You're right op, getting A grade at a level is easy. Dunno what I was thinking.

Why are you bothering about academia when it's all so easy? Do enlighten us please?

I'm sure they wouldn't say that it's easier here. Out of interest, what exams do US students take at the end of their high school education (A Level equivalent)?

They don't really - unless they are taking AP subject tests. college acceptance is based on your 4 year high school transcript (grade point average - which can be weighted by doing Advanced Placement courses and honors courses). Also your SAT results (and ACT) which is a kind of standardized testing. But more and more schools are making SAT/ACTs optional. Then there is the sports/music/volunteer stuff and teacher recommendations.

It is a very different system to the English system (and different again from the Irish system). I don't think one is better or worse. The good thing about the US is there are many really great colleges outside of the Harvard/Yale/Brown bubble and all of them will give a great education. So the Harvard bubble might be more difficult to burst but getting into university generally is probably easier in my experience (now paying for it is another thing)

There is also a common ap for applying to college so the multiple essays/applications isn't a big issue anymore.

However I would like to understand what the point of stressing about schools at three is, if university and a job are so easy to achieve?

The point is that school is not about university entry for me. You spend much more time at school and during the formative years and it's much more important personality wise, first of all. Also, we have our family situation to think of, DH comes from a very different educational tradition, we have extended family with very different expectations and we simply cannot afford many things other people can easily afford. But that's our personal circumstances irrelevant to the topic and I won't go into details, I've heard enough casual insults already, thank you :)

What casual insults?

Honestly op you've lost me, why do you wish your child to be at a highly academic and selective school if it's about about personal development for them and not uni, because would you not be better with one which focused on a well balanced child and provided more rounded options?

What if your kid isn't academic? The pressure is huge on these kids if they can't keep up, it destroys them when they are kicked out for failing. And they are kicked out. Because they bring the schoo results downs This is why I said I hoped he would be academic, otherwise he's in for a tough life.

And no you can't tell at three.

Honestly I really don't understand your logic.

So when you say"US universities are harder to get into than UK ones" "US universities" means "a tiny few universities that I rank highly but couldn't be arsed listing out".
Yes, that's correct. Same in the UK. Though in this particular case it wasn't me who ranked and couldn't be arsed listing out, it's the child and his parents. I didn't know Mumsnetters didn't allow them to choose Brown

But would your dc have time to pick their nose and eat it while being hothoused at 3.5?

Just what is in an exam at age 4? Point out which is Chase which is Marshall? Play the Octonauts theme on the harp? Make Spongebob and Patrick out of cereal boxes and bogrolls?

Some people wish their children to live the life they never did. It is quite unsavoury.

If you are intending to privately educate from 3 then you have considerably more money than the norm. I think your perspective is skewed.

The main thing is that your child is happy and settled at school. That should be the key focus at primary - not potential entrance exams in 4/7 years.

What child and what parent? And what about Brown? Did I miss one of your posts? Were you just quoting someone else's opinion on US universities. Sorry if I missed that.

I don't understand the reference to Brown?

What casual insults?
What, indeed? :) It's all perfectly normal, innit?
I don't mind. Holy wars are very predictable and boring.

@Bluntness100 It was all answered in the thread, no point for me to repeat.

elQuinto you have just described my almost 3yo DS. He also finds farting hilarious and giggles at his brothers dabbing. He is clearly G&T in the real world!

I wanted DS to go to Grammar School, the best Universities etc etc. Then he started state primary. Settled in so well, then we discovered that although he is bright he has crippling anxiety. All he wants is to go to the local comprehensive. We want him to be happy. If he is bright he will thrive. If not we will support him, as will the School. The local comp is so inclusive we feel it will be the right environment for him.

What i am saying is that he is not the child he was at 3. And we have realised that a School which can support his needs is paramount.

@elQuintoConyo
Every school has its own criteria, but they usually look for a certain level of social and emotional maturity that simply makes it's easier to teach them. 4+ is not formal tests that's why they are less stressful if the child is actually mature enough. And that's why it's rather pointless to tutor for 4+ though many do.

This is awful, absolutely awful! 3 year olds should be playing not learning to put on presentations! For fucks sake. This thread epitomises everything that is wrong in education in this country today it really does.

zzzzz not only do they tutor 4 year olds, but their 7yo is having a nervous breakdown. But this is all overshadowed by the need to keep up with the Jones's and make sure the child goes to a school that the extended family and business contacts approve of.

This thread epitomises everything that is wrong in education in this country today it really does.
LOL can't agree more
But that's the reality of this country. In another country, DH got excellent secondary education (much better than our superselectives) for free and with much less stress.

Why are you playing along with it then?

It isn't the reality in 99.9% of the country you know.....

It's not the reality in this country. It's the reality in tiny enclaves of north and south west London. And you don't have to play along if you don't want to - particularly if you aren't flush with cash.