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Original poster

Angry with teacher

227 replies

CleverQuacks · 09/12/2016 16:39

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

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Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 18:49

So if it's very recent hardly needs such a heavy handed approach.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 18:50

And I suspect 99% of teachers just sign the bloody thing & say good luck with the grading.

mrz · 12/12/2016 19:00

Is telling the truth heavy handed?

thatdearoctopus · 12/12/2016 19:06

So if it's very recent hardly needs such a heavy handed approach.

Heavy-handed approach? Surely an official telephone call home would be heavier? "I would like you to make an appointment to see me as I have concerns about your son's behaviour."
That would put the fear of God into most parents.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 19:34

Messing up a child's chance of grading is pretty heavy handed yes - and if behaviour over the course of a month had become bad enough to warrant that I would expect a phone call rather than just a spannering of the grading.

Ds1 and ds3' schools ring me all the time. Ds1's rings, emails and texts (& you have reminded me I need to email his teacher now). Even Ds2's emails they're the least interested in a relationship with us out of the 3 schools. Yes if my child's behaviour had changed so dramatically over the course of a month I would expect to be told.

mrz · 12/12/2016 19:43

So you'd prefer the teacher lied?

thatdearoctopus · 12/12/2016 19:43

Well, if said child has been playing up at school, then maybe there need to be some consequences.

mrz · 12/12/2016 19:43

Who says it was a dramatic change?

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 20:10

Last parent's evening a month ago was positive. Now the teacher is taking time to write in the margin of a form about bad behaviour which will affect the child'a chance of progression at an outside club. I think that's a pretty mean thing to do to a 9 or 10 year old who is usually well behaved unless there'd been a dramatic change. (In which case I would expect to know about it).

I'd ask for a meeting to find out what my son was doing, and if (as sounds likely to be the case here given the good parents evening a month ago), nothing much, then my respect for the teacher would go through the floor.

mrz · 12/12/2016 20:13

We don't know what the teacher wrote apart from he was disrespectful and didn't read at home ...do we?

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 20:14

I'd prefer the teacher didn't see it as their role to ruin my usually well behaved son's chance of a grading (especially over reading - in year 5 FFS - I'd be bemused by any teachers even claiming to know how much reading my year 5 child was doing at home).

If the teacher did it again or I had a child who struggled at school & an unwilling to encourage teacher I'd have an in depth conversation with the club about how to manage that aspect of the grading (assuming the martial art was a positive thing for the child).

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 20:18

Do you know anything about grading, Devilis?
I don't know about op's club, but at my ds' club lower level can do gading every three months. At higher levels, it takes longer, but still, it not like one missed grading will totally ruin the child's success.

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 20:19

Sorry every 4 months, 3 times a year.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 12/12/2016 20:22

But the teacher wouldn't be "messing up" his grading. She would be reflecting the truth of what was going on. If the club want to know that and decide not to grade him because of that then it's the club who is making that decision. And the person messing up the grading is the child, surely, as his behaviour at school is apparently a criterion the club are setting as part of his success.

The only other option would be for the teacher to collude with the child in submitting a false document by saying everything is hunkydory. And if she did that then it would be pointless, the child may as well fill it in himself or the club may as well just tick it off and hope it's correct.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 20:22

Yes I do. I also know my son would have been upset to have missed a grading - it can be a big thing when you are 9 or 10.

Luckily the club has been sensible this time, but I think the OP needs to find out what is going on before the next one.

mrz · 12/12/2016 20:25

Has the OPs son missed a grading?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 12/12/2016 20:25

If anything, the OP's issue should be either with the club for incorporating the child's behaviour at school as part of their criteria, or the child for not behaving as he should.

The teacher is merely the reflecting agent in this scenario. She may feel the behaviour is not bad enough to warrant parents coming in, nor good enough to tick the magic box to say everything is wonderful.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 20:25

And we come back to - if his behaviour has gone from being positive to so bad in one month that he deserves to have outside activities messed up (a Big Thing age 9 - it'a presumably for a fairly low level belt) - then maybe the parents should have been informed.

God I can see why kids get out off schools if they come across this sort of attitude (& repeat, I have been an oh so busy teacher).

mrz · 12/12/2016 20:26

"I'd prefer the teacher didn't see it as their role to ruin my usually well behaved son's chance of a grading" if he was well behaved the teacher could in all honesty say so

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 20:26

No he didn't miss a grading as the club was sensible (& will hopefully rethink the purpose of their forms).

CauliflowerSqueeze · 12/12/2016 20:27

mrz - the club have given him a chance till next time

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 20:28

And the teacher was in all honesty saying he was well behaved a month ago. Do you really think he's that bad?

mrz · 12/12/2016 20:28

I thought so ....

rollonthesummer · 12/12/2016 20:28

Is it just a tick box form or did it require lots of writing?

Was what she said true? Does he not read much at home?

It sounds like you just wanted the teacher to write that he was fine (even if he wasn't) and to write it quickly!

mrz · 12/12/2016 20:29

The club obviously send out the form but don't care about the response