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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Angry with teacher

227 replies

CleverQuacks · 09/12/2016 16:39

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

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Clavinova · 12/12/2016 08:35

The mother says she asked politely - she was happy to wait - 'the teacher did a big sigh and asked did it have to be right this minute' 'I was stood right there - she just handed back the form and walked off'.'

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 08:42

But Clavinova, this situation could have been avoided if OP asked her personally on Monday or whatever, explained, and told her the form was needed on Friday. I don't know about OP's ds, but I certainly wouldn't be sure if my yr4 ds is able to explain importance of the form to his teacher properly.

Clavinova · 12/12/2016 08:43

Not forgetting of course - the mother was EXPECTING 4 ticks and a signature!!!

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 08:47

That's the cause of misunderstanding. Mother expects just 4 ticks is no big deal. Teacher might see it different, especially approving the child's good behaviour, which doesn't exsist.

Clavinova · 12/12/2016 08:55

The teacher hadn't previously communicated the boy's poor behaviour to the mother - she was rude and walked off.

viques · 12/12/2016 09:02

But you asked her to comment on his behaviour, and she did. Yes perhaps it wasn't the best time or place to raise the issue but it's no good talking about expecting a teacher to be excited about a child's achievement outside school if it becomes apparent that if he wants to he can behave perfectly well in his club but chooses not to in school.

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 09:14

The more I think about it, I start to think there were more to it. Teacher may have even warned op's ds about his behaviour during the week.

She may be a completely horrible teacher. Or there was already some relationship break down existed between op and teacher she's not telling us. Op might be one of that parent.
I don't know.

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 09:18

One think I can say is that OP is not very respectful either. She hasn't updated us on how did actually go, re: grading. Was he allowed to attend or not.

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 09:18

*thing

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 09:25

Op I think I would do 2 things

talk to the kickboxing club. They've probably never had this before - will be interesting to see how they handle it. Might make them rethink making the forms part of the process. I suspect they'll be bemused to be told about how much reading a year 5 is doing at home (how does the teacher even know? My kids read what they liked at home by year 5).
make an appointment to see the teacher. You had a positive parents evening just before half term. What has changed since then and why weren't you told if it was bad enough to risk him failing a grading.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 09:26

She probably just busy Irvine.

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 12/12/2016 09:58

Irvine, did you mean to be so rude? believe it or not I have a life and so can't always reply straight away. I spoke to my sons kickboxing club and he was allowed to grade as this was the first time he had a bad report from the school. We agreed that if behaviour hasn't improved by next time he won't grade which I fully support.

Also as far as I know there had been no previous break down in relationship with the teacher. As I say, the last time we spoke directly was parents evening which was very positive. I would hope that if there was an issue she could raise this with me rather than take it out on my son.

OP posts:

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 10:14

I was thinking that yesterday actually, while you posted but never updated on how it went on Friday.

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 10:23

No, I normally wouldn't try to be rude to the posters.

thatdearoctopus · 12/12/2016 11:18

"Take it out on your son?"
How did she do that? By commenting that his behaviour had been poor? If that's the case, then he needs to own it.

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 12/12/2016 11:39

No octopus it was suggested by a previous poster that there had been a break down in my relationship with the teacher prior to this incident and this was impacting on how the teacher was completeing the form. I was therefore saying that my relationship with the teacher (which as far as I know is fine) shouldn't impact on how she approaches my sons form.

OP posts:

user789653241 · 12/12/2016 11:57

I didn't suggest anything. I was speculating, maybe the teacher was horrible person, or there had been breakdown, or whatever.
I didn't say the teacher was a horrible person who takes out on kids! (I don't even know her.)

thatdearoctopus · 12/12/2016 12:18

I've seen many posters on this thread and others, whereby people ask why they haven' been told earlier about their child's poor behaviour, which is kind of clouding the actual point but still. Low-level disruption is a massive problem in schools these days, probably far more so than parents realise, and it is part-and-parcel of a teacher's role to manage it effectively so there is minimum impact on learning. At what point the parent is brought in will vary, depending on a number of variables.

It's perfectly possible that the child here has been pushing his boundaries recently and it has been managed, which may not require a meeting/phone call to parents, which is quite a "thing." With the run-up to Christmas, when there are so many things going on in school and at home, routines are disrupted and children can act up. Usually it all settles down again in January. This teacher may well not have thought his behaviour warranted mentioning at this point, but you pressing for an opinion on it for this blasted form has forced the issue and she's thought, "Well, you know what, I wasn't going to mention it, but since you ask...."

But complaining that you weren't aware and it was all hunky-dory previously is not the most important thing. Keep on top of it all now, have words with him, and see how it pans out early next term.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 12:25

Octopus - they had a parents meeting a month ago - the teacher could have easily brought up low level disruption then. But she said only positive things about the child. I'd certainly want to know what had happened in a month that was bad enough to warrant not ticking the boxes on the form. And I'd want to know about low level disruption (in ds2's case I know exactly which subjects he chats too much in as the teachers have told me).

thatdearoctopus · 12/12/2016 12:29

A month isn't long at all. Plus, it could well be that she did allude to it. It's surprisingly common for parents to hear what they want to hear at a consultation, even if you're quite clear.

And if a teacher contacts parents every time a child chats in class, they'd be on the phone the whole time.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 12:37

And honestly, I want to support teachers but it's hard if they behave like this. I remember ds2 getting a 'fail' mark for not completing a DT project in time. He'd stayed behind to complete it to ensure it was handed in - he'd missed the original deadline because he was abroad in a touring west end show (which the school & teacher knew about - he still got the fail). Now if he missed a deadline usually I would bollock him, but in this case I didn't - especially as he'd given up lunchtimes and after school to catch up and handed it in at the earliest time possible. Teachers aren't always right - if they are I'll support them, but I won't support when they're wrong just because they're a teacher (albeit it can be a good minor life lesson for kids in keeping your mouth shut and accepting sometimes things aren't fair).

I'm leaning towards wrong on this one. I'd tell my son to wind his neck in & behave & I'd arrange a meeting with the teacher to find out what is going on. I'd be careful about the teacher signing the next one as well - definitely wouldn't just hand it over.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/12/2016 12:40

No-one is suggesting that they contact parents every time a child chats - but for something to have gone from positive to 'disrespectful & not reading enough' (still can't get over the reading thing in year 5) - and disrespectful enough to mess with the kids chance of grading yes I'd want to know.

If the parents are hearing only positive things when little johnny is being a PITA then the teacher isn't being blunt enough. I used to teach and had no problems letting parents know of their (somewhat older) kids weren't pulling their weight.

thatdearoctopus · 12/12/2016 12:43

I agree that there are some shit teachers around working next door to one this year but I also think that there are some unrealistic expectations going on here too. It does sound as if this one was snappy - but again, we only have the OP's word that she was polite. That's often a subjective view.

But then Mumsnet would close down if we couldn't pile in offer opinion without hearing both sides.

mrz · 12/12/2016 18:16

"1) talk to the kickboxing club. They've probably never had this before" I'd be really surprised if it's never cropped up in a well established club

mrz · 12/12/2016 18:21

"they had a parents meeting a month ago - the teacher could have easily brought up low level disruption then" it's possible his behaviour is a very recent thing of course

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