Angry with teacher

[CleverQuacks]

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

[Devilishpyjamas]

Roll - it was a tick box. The teacher wrote in the margins. So presumably didn't have to write anything at all.

[Devilishpyjamas]

How do schools even know how much a kid is reading at home in year 5? My children read what they liked by year 5.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

roll - I think it must ask to confirm that the child is being polite and respectful and working hard etc in school, with a space for comments. The OP was expecting four big ticks and a teacher signature and instead got some comments and crosses. Luckily the club have decided to ignore the Silly Teacher and her Silly Comments.

[user789653241]

I think some school do reading diary even in KS2. My ds' school does, and he write the name of the book, pages he read, and some comments everyday. So at my ds' school, teachers certainly know who reads and who doesn't.

[mrz]

We have reading records in Y6 and I know some secondaries have similar expectations

[Devilishpyjamas]

Reading records don't always reflect what a child actually reads. My kids primary recorded their progress through their school book. Ds3 might read two additional books a weekend and that wouldn't be recorded.

[AmeliaLeopard]

Disclaimer: I teach secondary, so this might not be totally relevant.

• I love to know about my students extra curricular activities because it really helps to build relationships with them, and it is so good to know when they are developing personally, outside of academia.
• Most days I can fill in a form at the end of the day. Last week, however, there would have been no chance. Some days trying to find 5 mins to go to the loo can be a challenge. (I have worked in industry, so I know this is the case in other jobs too.)
• Forms take longer than you think. I fill in forms for assessment for SEN at least once each half term - technically these are tick boxes. However, because I think it through carefully and want to give an accurate representation they take ages. If a child is being trained in martial arts I absolutely wouldn't be prepared to sign to say behaviour was good if it wasn't. As a professional being asked for my professional opinion I would take time to read through each question carefully and thoughtfully, and answering dishonestly wouldn't be an option.
• Behaviour can change day to day. If I called parents every time a child had a bad week I'd be phoning parents every night. I work in a good school with very supportive parents, so calling home is a pretty nuclear option and part of my job is managing what I can within school.

[AmeliaLeopard]

Also, many teachers don't really know about gradings so wouldn't necessarily realise this was important.

[Ellle]

Well, after reading the nine pages of this, my take is that the problem is not what the teacher wrote (as we are all assuming it is true, even the OP is ready to accept that if the teacher says the behaviour is not good she wants to support the school and teacher and will make an appointment to discuss this further as she wasn't aware of the problem until now), but with the manner in which the teacher did it: doing a big sigh and asking "does it have to be right this minute", giving the form to OP with the negative comments and leaving instead of having a word with OP about why she felt she had to write that.

If the only communication regarding behaviour with the OP had been a month before at parents evening and this bad behaviour wasn't mentioned, it was obvious it would come as a surprise to the OP to read all those negative comments in the form.

If the reason for not filling the form after five days was because the teacher was very busy and could not possibly do it, she should have just said so to the OP and it would have been completely understandable, rather than being snappy about it.

Or, if the real reason for not filling the form was because she felt she would need to be honest and write the behaviour was bad, disrespectful, not reading enough at home, etc, then again, she should have been honest with OP and had a quick word with her explaining that behaviour has deteriorated in the last month since parents evening and if she really has to fill the form she would only be able to write negative comments as that is the truth. Again, by talking about this personally with OP she wouldn't have been taken by surprise, and would probably have agreed with the teacher that if the behaviour was bad, she should write that, or the son would have to wait until the next grading as a consequence of it. I'm sure the OP would have supported the teacher if it had been dealt in a different way.

[mrz]

"Also, many teachers don't really know about gradings so wouldn't necessarily realise this was important." Because we aren't parents and have no experience of anything except school?

[mrz]

" Most days I can fill in a form at the end of the day." As a secondary teacher how many lessons do you teach in a week? How many after school clubs? How many nativities? Carol concert? On top of staff meetings, management meets etc etc

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

It doesn't matter how important it was, unless you are suggesting that the teacher lie in order to keep everyone sweet.

[BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing]

Ds2 (yr4) is lucky to have a fab bunch of male teachers in his junior/prep school - all interested in sport, science/sci-fi/history - young men who can actually relate to boys and their interests and don't find them an annoyance or brush them off - which encourages better behaviour and self-esteem. Too many women of my acquaintance don't actually seem to like boys in general and I suspect that this attitude is fairly common amongst female teachers as well.

I was RTFT until I got to this comment.

As a female teacher, I have to say WTF?!? Yes the majority of the behaviour issues in my class are with the boys (year 5) but I do not brush them off as an annoyance! All of my boys are amazing. They come out with fantastic work and the insights they make a brilliant! I always praise their good contributions and effort. I share interests with lots of children in my class.

No I don't really get football but I go and watch every game the children in my class play. I encourage their interests and praise their achievements until I am blue in the face!

I have built a great relationship with my class. They are engaged and they learn. I make them laugh, they make me laugh.

As an aside, not all of my boys are into sports. I have one who loves to sing. I have one who loves to have pizza picnics. They all have different interests because they are different people!

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Sorry Being that doesn't cut it. If you're female you're obviously unable to relate and crap. People would be "unlucky" to have you and don't you forget it. The only people who can do a good job teaching boys are in fact young men. They're "fab".

[BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing]

I suppose that's true. I'll go back to my corner and keep my mouth shut like a good woman should while the men show us all how it is done.

[Clavinova]

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing
As an aside, not all of my boys are into sports - which is why I listed science/sci-fi/history as examples as well. Some boys enjoy ballet and knitting but that's not really the point.

No I don't really get football but I go and watch every game the children in my class play - very commendable but how many of your female colleagues are standing next to you? Is this after the school day? A football match takes up much more of your time than a tick-box form.

I have built a great relationship with my class - but many on here seem to be defending a teacher who clearly has no relationship with her pupil or his mother.

So what does the Primary School Teacher's Handbook say about managing behaviour in class? Is there nothing about relating a child's extra-curricular interests/likes/dislikes to their behaviour in school?

[thatdearoctopus]

(This) teacher clearly has no relationship with the boy or his mother

And you know that how? Because she fed back, albeit in not the best way, that his behaviour was poor and he wasn't reading enough at home?

[MumTryingHerBest]

This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions

wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour

Well they certainly went above and beyond when filling in the form so evidently they weren’t that short on time when they finally got round to completing it.

However, I do think there is an issue to be addressed. If your son’s behaviour has been bad enough for the teacher to feel that further disciplinary measures (removal of extracurricular activities) are needed on top of those administered within the school, then at what point where they going to discuss it with you?

Because of this, I do have to ask why it is:

This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son

If that form hadn’t been presented to the teacher for them to fill out, how and when were they planning on discussing it with you?

we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written

So what has happened since parents evening that has resulted in the determination of your DCs behaviour and why has the teacher not enquired about this?

if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

YANBU

[MumTryingHerBest]

Sorry should read deterioration not determination

[BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing]

Clavinova

There are always at least 6 other female teachers stood with me! We are very proud of our children's achievements in our school!

I didn't defend the teacher. I can't comment on her because I don't know her. Or the OP. I know what I have read. I am defending female teachers against the bollocks you spouted.

[BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing]

Oh and the football games are outside of the school day. I didn't say I wouldn't fill in a form. I would. I would do it straight away, not because I have endless free time but because I would forget about it otherwise.

[BlueSnowflakesStartingToFall]

Clavinova seriously?! So female teachers:
A) don't like boys
B) can't possible share interests in sport
C) can't be interested in science
D) treat boys differently

What era are you writing from?

I know of plenty of women, inc teachers, who are into sport and/or science (I love science and I'm female but not a teacher). I also know a lot of male teachers who don't like sport and/or science.

Just like I know lots of young boys with what you would deem girls interests and lots of girls with what you would deem boys interests.

I haven't seen sexism like you've displayed here, in rather a long time.

[BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing]

I took science as my specialism at university. It's views like Clavinova's that I am trying to challenge!

[Rosieposy4]

Clavinova
I am a female secondary science teacher, with a PhD in a male dominated science area.
I love rugby, i spend lots of hours participating in sport, watching my dc play sport and occasionally watching some of the kids i teach play sport.
I also teach lots of girls very into their sports.
Such ridiculous sexism helps no one
mrz, why the anger against secondary teachers, we all work hard.
For the record last week i taught 27/30 periods.( 50 or 55 minutes each)
I ran 2 lunchtime clubs, one after school club ( for one and a half hours)
I ran 2 lunchtime support sessions, attended an afterschool meeting for 1.5 hours one night and went to a school event another night, finally getting home at 10pm. Please do not start playing the primary work harder than secondary card.
For a few posters whp wonder why we don't phone or email every time there is an issue. I teach 340 kids a week, some colleagues in other subjects teach more.
Mostly i manage behaviour in class, parents can check on the online system to see if their kid gets positive or negative comments. The vast majority of kids are fab, however there is a significant number who are not, eg i have one fairly hard work y9 class inwhich probably 8/9 kids show poor behaviour. It is all documented on the system for the parents to login and see, i do not have time to make 9 phone calls of 5-10 mins ech based on my sh edule above, bearing i mind i still need to plan, mark, communicate re kids with SEN-D etc etc.

[Trifleorbust]

It's not really relevant that you think asking her to complete a form is no big deal, OP. You don't know what else she has to do. You asked for feedback and you got it. Apart from your view that she should have contacted you earlier (which she isn't obliged to do - that's what reports and Parent Consultation evenings are for) what are you complaining about?